Another day, another beta....

There isn't much to share at this point.. I had a fourth beta drawn this morning and I haven't yet heard what the number was. I'm assuming it has gone down even farther than Wednesday's test because my symptoms seem to be fading (or maybe I'm not trying too hard to notice them). I'm still taking both progesterone and estrace, so I'm doubtful that I'll begin bleeding before those are stopped and out if my system. I'm assuming that those will be stopped on Monday after the confirming ultrasound, if indeed the assumptions are correct.

I spoke with my doctor just briefly this morning when I was in for my blood work. She passed by when the nurse was drawing my blood and asked how I was doing. She agreed that my betas were absolutely not normal, but had a little hope that possibly there were two initially growing and now there is only one. She also mentioned the possibility of a tubal pregnancy, but said it would be hard to be sure about anything until our ultrasound on Monday. Today's beta results will give us a little more information, though.

I'm beginning to come to terms with what is happening, and I feel a lot better about everything today. I know my attitude may change again once the actual physical process begins, but for now I'm able to look at the situation relatively rationally knowing there are positives to be seen even in a horrible situation.

For me, it's been helpful to begin thinking about the next cycle. I'm not sure how long we'll have to wait, and I'm in no hurry, but the prospect of 'doing something' is some how refreshing right now. Maybe its because I feel so helpless right now, not knowing what is going on and being able to do nothing to change the outcome.

We knew from the beginning that this wouldn't be easy and that we'd likely have to fight to get our family... this Mama is not ready to give up yet! I still have a lot more fight left in me. I'm strong. I'm persistent. And bottom line, I'm going to MAKE this happen.

Again, thanks for all of the well wishes and prayers this week. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, but we're getting through it one step at a time.

** Just as I was about to publish this post the clinic called with today's beta results... The news is not good. My beta has continued to drop (I didn't ask for the level) so as of today I am to stop all medications and wait to miscarry. My nurse said that it would most likely be similar to a heavy period and to call if the bleeding is extreme. They will follow my beta until it reaches zero, but with it not being too high now and already dropping, I'm hopeful that it will move quickly.

My nurse also explained that our case will now be reviewed by the other doctors in the practice and together they will determine what the best course of action is from here on out. We'll expect to have an appointment to go over those finding sometime in the next several weeks.

I am so not looking forward to the next several days, but it is my hope that it will happen quickly and relatively painlessly. As much as I didn't want it to end this way, I'm glad the waiting is over.