So, after two years of trying to get pregnant I think we're finally reaching the point where we share our situation with our families.... complete with plenty of boundaries of course! I don't know why, but in the last few weeks I have been overcome with the feeling of living a complete and utter lie, and it is bothering me. I am pretty sure my husband is on board for whatever I decide, but I am not sure how to bring it up. Or really, if I truly want to.
There have been a couple of situations in the past few weeks where I've literally been on the verge of just spitting it out. The words have been in my mouth, but in both instances I've felt like it would more of an attack on the person than a calm sharing of whats been going on, and what we see in our future in terms of treatment. Although it may be a beginning in solving the "when are you going to give us good news" comments, it just doesn't seem like the best way to go about things.
Although I would LOVE to hear less of the "when are you going to have a baby" chatter , I am not ready to be bombarded with the "a friend of a friend" stories either. I know they are typically said with the best of intentions, but really if it has successfully brought about pregnancy for a struggling woman we've either tried it or thought about it. We are in NO way looking for advice, simply support.
I'm still on the fence about sharing this super intimate part of our life with our families. Lets face it, infertility is an incredibly emotional and private matter and just dropping the bomb at a holiday dinner really isn't the way to do it.
So, here is my question, how did you do it? Have you done it? Or, are you like us still praying that you can just side step it a little while longer and get to make a pregnancy announcement instead of an "I'm infertile" declaration? If you've outed yourself, are you glad you told or do you wish you'd kept it to yourself? I know that it is a little different for everyone and sometimes the good outweighs the bad, but I'm talking overall.
We are on the verge of seeing a specialist, which undoubtedly will bring more trips to the doctor, invasive tests and the possibility of surgeries and injections. If this were ANY other health concern we would certainly be open with our families about it. I think that is where the guilt is coming from.
Today while I was filling out the intake forms from the fertility clinic we are using, my phone rang. I typically don't answer when I don't know the number, but because I've had several clinics calling lately, I answered. My assumptions were correct. It was a nice lady from the billing office at the fertility clinic. She was just kindly calling to inform me that I needed to call my insurance company's hot line and register as infertile before my consultation appointment.
REGISTER AS INFERTILE?!?!?
Are you serious?
In the words of Rachel from Friends......
"Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?"
Thankfully, it was rather painless. But come on, is that REALLY necessary?
You know what's awesome? Having the nurse from your doctor's office badger you into making an appointment with a RE.
I guess in reality it is pretty much the only way it was going to happen in a timely manner, but seriously TWO voice mails in one day? I know she probably just wants to process all of the referral information as quickly as possible while it is all fresh in her mind, but I don't know if she realizes that she is dealing with the most doctor-phobic person alive! Perhaps my blood pressure reading at the office this week should've tipped her off!
So, in an effort to please nurse lady, Monday I'll be making the call. Or Tuesday... maybe Wednesday :)
I had some blood work done last week, and it appears that my TSH (thyroid) is off. I don't know what my levels were, but I've got an appointment tomorrow to figure out treatment and hopefully set up a re-test date! Although I would rather not take medicine for this issue for the rest of my life, I will GLADLY do it if this could be the missing piece of the puzzle!
All of my other labs came back normal, so no insulin resistance, anemia or high cholesterol. All good things for baby making :) So, even though the results are not optimal it is a good feeling to possibly have a REASON for all of this. FINALLY!
My husband and I moved to a small town almost a year ago. And although I am quick to tell people how much I love living in our little town because it is so quiet, I hadn't really thought through all of the implications small town living has on one's life.
My husband and I pretty much keep to ourselves. We know a few people living in our area, but for the most part, most of our socializing takes place outside of our community. We can almost always go grocery shopping without seeing a single person that we know, and to be honest, I like it that way. I don't want to be snaking through the grocery store while I'm trying to by a pregnancy test (ha, like I need one) or ovulation kits. I guess what I am trying to get at here is, we are becoming or may in the future become "small town folk." Lord help us.
The reason for this revelation is, none other than my much toiled over doctor's appointment on Monday. As I said in my previous post it was a simple establishing appointment with my new PCP (primary care physician.) I am a HUGE worry wart, and absolutely HATE going to the doctor so I was stressed to the max when I arrived at the office. After all, going to the doctor rates super high on my top ten list of things I hate doing. However, people watching is just as high on my list of things I LOVE doing, so soon after I walked through the door of the doctor's office my luck changed....
First of all, can we all agree that as a generalization (which is totally unfair,I get that- don't leave me any mean comments!) "small town folk" as whole are not necessarily super fashion savvy? Good, moving on. Picture this...
A women, probably in her mid fifties wearing black leggings that were about three sizes too small (you know, nice and see through) with a...... wait for it... CROP TOP. Awesome. Don't worry the fun doesn't stop there. Shortly after I get all checked in and take my seat in a waiting room smaller than my master bathroom, her father (my dad would kill me if I wore that outfit no matter how old and senile he was) decides that he needs to use the restroom. Being the kind daughter that she was, she accompanied him. Ready for the best part of this story? When she got up to follow daddy dearest to the toilet I looked up only to notice that not only was she wearing the leggings described above, but she was sporting hot pink underoos with them. But wait it gets better, they had some sparkly word plastered across the butt. Unfortunately, I had to avert my eyes at that point, in fear I may forever be blind after what I had just witnessed so I am unable to report what her rear-end billboard was advertising. My best guess is something along the lines of FLIRT, PLAYER, or BOOTYLICIOUS.
So not only was this woman winning outfit of the year, but she also knew EVERY person that stepped foot into the office while I was in the waiting room. Everyone knew way too much about each other for my comfort level. I like having a private life and not having the whole world know my business. Ironic, right? Are you thinking...."this chick is nuts, she talks about her freaking vagina on a public blog"? Ok, good I was thinking the same thing, at least we are on the same page :)
On a more serious note, I did make it through the appointment. I ended up seeing the physician's assistant in the practice who was a young female and super nice. She agreed that it was probably time to move onto seeing an RE, but wanted to run some blood work and a urine analysis first. She is rechecking my thyroid and seeing if there is are any insulin resistance issues to rule out both hypothyroidism and PCOS. As well as just doing a few baseline tests because I am new to the practice. If there are any red flags that come back with the blood work, she will treat me for them and we can see if it changes my fertility at all. If everything comes back normal she will send me on to the RE right away. I felt good about the appointment and am feeling more and more ready to really take the steps that I think are ahead of me!!