Change of Plans...

The vast majority of this post was written a week ago, it's just taken a long time to finished tapping out the words---

It is crazy how much things can change in just the span of a month. At this time last month we were coming off our consultation with our RE, preparing to get started with our FET this month-- more accurately, this  week.

We had, just two days before our RE appointment, found out that one of our boys was lagging behind his peers (we were aware, just not of  its extent) and that he had qualified for "services" through our county's early intervention services. We were also told at that evaluation that because of his delays  we also had the option of having him assessed for autism. In  the moment, I  said "of course" but really didn't worry about it. I  was feeling fairly certain that wasn't the case. It was just before the holiday break and because early intervention is part of the school district, the evaluation process was pushed off until the new year.

Fast forward a week, when I received a packet from our RE outlining what we were about to embark on along with the deposit bill, and I had some serious second thoughts. Hubs and I talked it through and we decided that maybe it would be best to get our footing, see the evaluations through and see how things went  with our early intervention home visits before committing ourselves to more stress and appointments with testing/transfer/bed rest.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very hard decision. We were ready. So very ready.  And last night when I took the last active pill in my current package of birth control I thought to myself, "this week was supposed to be so different." This week  I should have been preparing myself for testing on Friday- instead, on Friday Hubs will take  the  day off and we will meet with our school district's autism specialist and she will explain to us how the evaluation process will look.

Obviously, we will do whatever we need to for our precious little man. No diagnosis will change how much we love and care for him. But, this week we find ourselves sorting through what-ifs. We are now hyper aware of EVERYTHING he does and doesn't do and in all honesty, it is exhausting. I'm ready to get the evaluation underway and be able to know exactly what his needs are and the best way to address them.

Of course, after Hubs took friday off, our appointment was canceled. We'll try again this evening- the specialist comes tonight to explain the process and answer our questions- she'll be back tomorrow to begin the evaluation. I'm anxious. Ready to get this show on the road, and also anxious about the results. I'm trying HARD to not put the cart before the horse, but it's tricky.

3 in 3.5

So, as promised... HERE I AM... writing something! I can feel your excitement!

Today you get to hear about preparing for baby #3. I had literally never thought of the fact that IF we get pregnant when we are tentatively planning to (I seriously laughed out loud when I wrote that!)- Planning... you would've thought I had gotten over that a LOOOONG time ago! ok- back to my  thought, if we get pregnant in the first part of 2015 like we are hoping, that will mean I will give birth to three babies in a 3.5 year span of time. Whoa. I know people do it, I just generally let out the tiniest gasp and try to conceal my widening eyes when I hear of them! I have always, ALWAYS thought those mom/families were bordering on the crazy side of things. And here I am. A nice little reminder not to judge other people's choices!

In my defense, I have twins. Its different. Or so I tell myself. But in reality, most people would likely say it makes  me more crazy. That is ok. I love this hard, sticky, wet kisses, snuggling, sometimes smelly season of life. Days can be a challenge, and nights can be exhausting but I can easily say, this is what I was made for.  Being a mom is my everything and I hope we are able to  add to  this  family of ours.  

In the meantime we are working hard to get into better shape both just for ourselves and for H & A, but also so carrying another pregnancy can be as successful  as  my twin  pregnancy. To do that, I decided I had some weight to lose.  Arg. Not all that fun, but hubs was on board to follow along so it is something we are doing together which is kind of fun.  We, very  much on a whim, decided to  go all in and attempt transitioning to a paleo influenced way of life. Um, just in time for fair/festival and BBQ season, good plan... not really. 

However- I cannot tell you how happy we've been with  it. I'm not going to lie, the first week was a little slice of hell, but ever since we  both have felt so much better in terms of overall health.  Less headaches and stomach issues for hubs and less fatigue for both of us. I'd say in general we are eating paleo about 80% of the time, and for us  that is working. We still feel good having a little added sugar or  a few carbs here or there, but when we go  off completely-- holy cow, it is amazing how quickly we are both feeling somewhat sorry for our transgression! The change in how we feel would be enough to keep me trying to maintain the diet, but dropping 12 lbs since the end of May doesn't hurt either!

I still have a ways to go before I get where I would like to be when I conceive again, but I still have gobs of time to get there!

As a side note: I want to remember as hubs and I get more and more serious about our next round of treatments, A is getting serious too. We have a big doll, like the size of a 10-12 month old. For months she has spent most of her days at the bottom of the toy basket. Until recently when A  started dragging her out, bringing her to me, giving her a kiss and walking away. It is the cutest thing EVER.Then after he's left to play with other things and I've had my fill of holding a fake baby I set her down on the floor and usually within a minute he is back at my feet holding  the baby wanting me  to take her. Looks like at least one of the boys is  ready for a little sister or brother!

Knowing..

We've been talking a ton about adding to our family lately. Honestly, ever since the early days if parenting twins we've been talking to the boys about the sibling(s) they'll have someday. We've always known. It's never really been a question, even on the most difficult if days-- this mama's heart is sure, there will be another-- at least one, maybe more.

I  received an email recently asking me about having twins and  how and when we made the decision that we wanted more.  I never answered the email because each time I started to type, the words sounded so silly to me,  cliché and canned. So unhelpful to this person several states away that I don't know. But here is what I should have said....

• I knew when I was a little girl that I'd be pregnant more than once. I never really idealized pregnancy as a child, I just imagined I'd do it more than once. 
• Hubs and I both grew up in families with three kids, we both always assumed we'd likely have the same. 
• Even through the countless fertility treatments, I still imagined doing it all more than once. 
• When I got pregnant with twins I was (am still am) completely satisfied, but I still knew I'd like another if it was possible. 
• As I went through a very uneventful pregnancy with multiples, I knew I could and God willing, would do it again. 
• When my boys were born screaming and peeing, and I watched as my husband became a daddy- I knew. 
• When I held and kissed slimy babies who knew me from their first breath as their mama, I was sure. 
• And, my feeling have only been affirmed since then- I hope and pray it's all possible again. I am a mom through and through. 

All of that said, I know it isn't the same for everyone. Some take a long time to realize something, or rather somebody, is missing from their family. One things I've heard over and over from seasoned moms who are done having babies- you will know. There will be a moment of clarity. Sometimes its in the trenches of a tough situation- sometimes its when your family just feels so right and full in a perfect moment. I obviously can't say if that is true or not, because I am not there yet. I hope that in just the same way I know I'd like another, someday I'll have a peace about being done as well.

Crossed Wires...

So, the other night Hubs and I were sitting watching the circus that is our living room in the evenings. As usual, we looked at each other, smiled and both said how much we loved our family and our boys. I saw the twinkle in his eye, and I knew what was coming. 'I wonder what it will be like to add another.' He then proceeded to say- are you still planning to move forward in January.

My eyes widened, and I stopped breathing.

I'm not sure how the wires got crossed, but I assured him we would be moving forward in A January... but not this one! He laughed, reminded me I'm almost 31 (in 7 months!) and agreed that NEXT January really is a better plan in terms of the boys. I'm not going to lie- I'd be game to move forward in a few short weeks- I loved being pregnant and I adore the newborn phase, but I am not ready to have my boys be anywhere but the center of my universe. They need my undivided attention for at least one more year-- they are still babies!

I'm not sure how, after several conversations on the topic we still walked away with differing thoughts on the matter, but I'm glad we could both agree ... 13 months from now we will be hoping and praying a fall baby will be joining our family!

Meal Ideas??

So, as I said a few days ago- I am trying to lose a bit of weight and get more healthy. In the quest for this, I've found eating breakfast- and a relatively big one- really, really helps! Most days I have one egg, two links of turkey sausage and a piece of double fiber wheat toast. It works for me. I feel pretty stinking full most of the morning because it has a good amount of protein. I've found many other breakfast options with a similar number of calories but not as much protein leave me looking for a snack during naptime. While I'm not opposed to a snack, often it isn't something healthy that sounds good-- chocolate chips, anyone?!

For lunch I rotate between a few options, but I haven't found anything I really am set on yet. I'm the kind of person who could easily eat the exact same thing for breakfast and lunch every single day if I like it. So, ideas welcome- I'd love to find something I like and just eat it everyday, it would make my life so much easier!

As for dinners, this is where I like my variety, and its a good thing because hubs would not be pleased if I made him eat the same things over and over and over! I generally try to leave a decent amount of calories for dinner because then we have more options, but we also are trying to get into a better habit of feeding the boys what we are eating so that means having yummy salads every night isn't totally feasible for us right now. I need some healthy ideas that may also be somewhat kid friendly.... anyone?!?

In general I'm steering clear of buying snack type foods and opting instead for apples, cheese and relatively healthy granola bars. My very favorite snack lately is stove popped popcorn made with coconut oil. It needs nothing more than some sea salt when it comes off the stove and we LOVE it. Hubs and I have recently started making a pot (1/4 of a cup un-popped to share) a few nights a week after the boys have gone to bed. We share it while we catch up on DVR'd shows or play a board game. It seems like a treat, even though it isn't too bad for you, especially when consumed with a HUGE glass of ice water-- or two!

So, what are your favorite healthy meals and snacks? I'd love to find a little variety!

Taking care of twins...

I know I often gloss over many aspects of raising twins, touting it as the best days of my life. And while these days are nothing short of amazing, it is really hard work. I commend moms who stay home with their twins full time and remain sane, because in reality while I don't leave my home every day to take care of someone else's 36 small children as I used to, this IS indeed a JOB and it is hard work.

----
A few days before the holiday weekend I hurt my back. Though it wasn't too bad, I was noticing the pain when I bent down to pick up the boys and felt stiff in the mornings. I didn't think too much of it and we hopped into the car on the morning of the 4th to head down the freeway to see our families for the holiday weekend. 2 hours in the car without a ton of leg room was a horrible idea in hindsight. I spent much of that Thursday in a lot of pain. I nursed it, took pain medication and by the following morning I was feeling much better. We took a walk that morning in an effort to loosen things up and I was feeling pretty well on Friday. By Saturday and Sunday I was able to do most things and was really in little to no pain. Then after meeting family for breakfast on Sunday morning we hopped back in the car and drove home. When we arrived back, I jumped out of the car at a neighbors house where we were watering the lawn, and then when I got back out at our house I felt it-- the pain was back. Not horrible, but I still declined getting the boys out of the car or unpacking the car just in case. I spent about an hour unpacking a few things in the house, starting the laundry and feeding the boys lunch. After we'd completed all of our chores from returning home Hubs and I sat down with some food and watched a show on net.flix. Against my better judgement I decided to lay down on our very soft sofa to finish the show. Possibly the worst idea I have EVER had. Ouch! I started feeling like I needed to use the restroom so I tried to get up... not happening. Feeling pretty fearful I was going to wet my pants right there on the couch, I started trying to get myself to the floor to crawl to the bathroom. After probably and hour, some crying and a lot of pain I made it to the bathroom to take care of business. This was obviously way more pain than I had been in previously that weekend so I started to get worried. I tried all of my husband's low back pain tricks and nothing really helped I was in so much pain that I wasn't even interested in eating.

***sidenote, while explaining to my husband that this was the worst pain I had ever been in, he got a puzzled face, and said 'even childbirth?' to which I reminded him I'd been drugged and cut open.... Really? It hasn't even been a year yet and you've forgotten? Hilarious conversation!***

Not only was I hurting, I was also starting to feel guilty that Hubs was going to have to take care of the boys on his own while I healed. I'm not sure why this was such a worry to me. I've done it many times when he needed to be rested for work or wasn't feeling well- while hard work, it is in fact doable. I think more than anything it is just hard for me to give up the things I do every single day for my babies.

Anyway, that was Sunday, and I was in no shape to be left alone with the boys on Monday, so Hubs worked from home to help us. Then Tuesday my Mom came and stayed until Thursday evening so Hubs could go into work for a few days  and then he stayed with us again on Friday and obviously through the weekend.

----

I add that whole story, because it really wasn't until I was laying on a lawn chair, with ice on my back in my living room that I realized just how hard my job is. (We don't furnish our living room with outdoor furniture it was just the only thing other than my bed that I could stand being in) When it was hubs taking care of our boys it was different, more effortless. He does it most evenings and on the weekend, so while it is still a lot of work he is somewhat used to it all. However, watching my mom who is not used to taking care of two 11 month olds all day- I was exhausted just watching her. She really did a fantastic job, but when I'm in my day I don't really notice all the millions of little things I do for the boys all.day.long. I thought MANY times, how do I do this everyday? I'm in no way trying to toot my own horn or make stay at home moms sound higher or mightier than those moms that go back to work. I'm just trying to be real- this is hard work. I vow now to no longer feel like I've failed the day if there is a load of laundry in the washing machine that is going to have to be re-washed the following morning or if my kitchen is a mess, or if I fall into my bed at night and just barely kiss my husband good night. Because I'm doing big work around here. I'm raising two little boys into what I hope will be strong, hardworking, loving men someday. And really, all those other things are of little importance when I look at the bigger picture.

Sometimes it just takes a living room lawn chair moment to bring you back to reality and remind you how well you really are doing and also what is really important.

Thirty

Today, I leave my twenties... forever. It isn't a sad day, I can assure you, if I were still in the throws of infertility it would be an incredibly rough day. But, here I am, waking up to two perfect boys- happily skipping my way out of my twenties. Those years held some of the best of times, but also many of the worst.....

20: I was in college. I was living with my best friend from high school- she turned out to be not exactly what I was looking for in a roommate. I continued to date my high school sweetheart and our relationship grew and grew.

21: My parents threw me a 21st birthday BBQ. Still in college- new roommate. We had an insane amount of fun together. Hubs and I spent spring break visiting his sister out of state.

22: Became engaged, planned a wedding and graduated from college! One of the best years EVER!

23: Got married and honeymooned in Mexico. Upon our return we move away from our hometown. We ended up in a more metro area than where we grew up and we enjoyed being newlyweds with very few responsibilities.

24: Hubs worked hard and I worked as a sub here and there until I got a long term position at the world's worst private school. Looking back it was probably a good experience, but those were some rough months.

25: Started trying to get pregnant. It was fun right up until every female of childbearing age in my family got pregnant. Then it just got difficult. I was beginning to realize something might be wrong just in time to celebrate all of the baby showers. Cue a round of clomid to finish out 25. On a happy note, my first nephew was born just 4 days before my birthday.

26: It started with a hopeful heart- surely I'd be pregnant with clomid before the rest of babies were born... wrong! We did 5 more rounds of clomid and then decided it was time for a break. It was a dark and depressing year.

27: I finally decided one month exactly after my birthday (on our anniversary) that it was time to bring out the big guns and see a fertility specialist. That year we found out I have a thyroid problem and PCOS. In addition we did six unsuccessful IUIs, took a very short break and then geared up for IVF#1. This year was filled with hope, disappointment and longing.

28: We did our first round of IVF shortly after my birthday. I took my very first positive pregnancy test and was able to tell my husband for the first time that he was going to be a daddy. Unfortunately, just a couple of weeks later we also had another first- a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage. This broke me- but built me up all at the same time. I was SO ready to try again. And try again we did- just a few months later. With a second fresh IVF cycle I became pregnant with my boys. I spent 6 months of this year pregnant with twins and loved every last second of it!

29: I spent the first six weeks of the year largely pregnant with twins putting the finishing touches on their nursery and preparing for our life to significantly change. Then, on August 15th, the best thing to come out of my twenties happened- we became a family of four. I spent the remainder of the year raising my boys and with struggle and sleepless night came coos, crawlers and kisses so sweet they take away much of the pain and despair it took to get here.

So while it wasn't the easiest decade of my life, it was probably the sweetest. We grew and we fell more in love with each other in the hard times, but also in the good. We watched as we became mama and dada- my life changed in my twenties and that I will always remember- maybe someday the other memories will fade, but I hope I always remember how sweet 28 1/2 - 30 were!

Updates!

It has been so long since I've written much other than a monthly update for the boys. So here are a few bullet point to get things caught up!

• Insurance is still lame. I was denied by another company for a private policy, so we've decided for the moment to have Hubs continue working where he is. On the plus side, the infertility coverage remains, and depending on how long he stays at this job we may be able to use the remainder of our IVF benefits.
• Depending on the above, baby number three may be thought about sooner than originally planned. Likely closer to a year from now instead of two this is both exciting and terrifying at the moment!
• We went on a family vacation a couple of weeks ago. Nothing too grand, we just rented a great big house and hung out for five days! Relaxing and fun!
• I am still taking met.formin... on the days I actually remember. I was SO good about it when I was on it and trying to get pregnant. Now? Not as much. I'm hoping to get better about it, because I know it will help.
• My lack of summer clothing is somewhat comical. I was hugely pregnant last summer and the summer before I didn't buy many new things because I was doing IVF and hopeful I'd be pregnant and expanding soon. So, that leaves me with things that are a few years old, a little dated and worn out! Its time to go shopping I guess!
• Over the weekend hubs and I removed some furniture from our living room and rearranged it so we could add a large-ish gated area for the boys. They are both crawling and climbing now and we had to do something before I went INSANE!
• 9 month sleep regression... not my favorite. 9 month sleep regression coupled with two babies with a cold... a little slice of hell. 
• The boys HATE finger food. H will try a few things, A turns his head and clinches his lips. Any tips tricks, food ideas?!?
• We're in the market for convertible car seats and a side by side smallish (reclining) double stroller.... any recommendations?
• I'm so excited for summer! Farmer's markets, festivals and fun outing with my little family on the weekends- pure joy!
• We finally put both cribs back in the nursery- I love the way it looks!
• I currently have one child napping in the swing that I need to return to a friend- They haven't been in it in months because I was trying to wean them from it. Buuuut, mama would do anything for a little nap time with two cranky stuffy babies
• It seems insane that we are already starting to semi-plan the boys' birthday party! We are really excited and want it to be plenty special for our little guys-- I have approximately one million craft project to complete in the next three months.
• My husband asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I grew up. I responded first with 'am I not grown up?' and second with 'I'm doing exactly what I've always dreamed about. Being a mom and taking care of my family.' It is not always (or ever really!) a glamorous job, but it is pretty close to perfection in my book!

Insurance

Ugh.

This morning has been upsetting... I'm not sure that word even encompasses all I've felt.

In the past several months Hubs has been considering a new job. It was never his long term plan to be there forever, but it was easy to stay- the money is good, the insurance is great and he really likes the people. This past week he received a job offer. While the position is a fantastic fit, their health insurance options are not the best. Being a small company (compared to the very large one he currently works for) the premiums are HIGH... like nearly 3x what we are currently paying for amazing (infertility included) coverage. We were willing to walk away from our IVF coverage to the possibilities that were in front of us, and even take a slight pay cut all with a plan for the boys and I to get a private health insurance policy for a significantly reduced rate. Sure it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be doable. Until I was denied. I have to be honest, I was surprised. I knew infertility could be a problem, but I guess I just assumed (obviously incorrectly) that since it  is not covered under this policy that it would be a non-issue. Wrong.

It is upsetting because while I do still very much identify with the infertility community, I feel like it is behind me to some extent. We have three more embryos we intend to try with, but I feel pretty resolved at this point- if they don't produce a pregnancy, I'm finished with treatments. I get that I may change my mind, but I have been in such a great place since becoming pregnant with our boys. Today, well today reminded me of the hurt I felt before. That failure feeling- because now this possibly great fit job for my husband may have to be declined because we need to stay with our group health plan- because once again my reproductive system is getting in the way of the plans we have for our family.

Thankfully my husband does not blame me in any way for this. Infertility has always been something that was an 'us' thing, not a 'me' problem. I am so very thankful for this fact, and for the fact that he sees how this all hurts me and generally knows just what to say. He has been nothing but gracious this morning, saying if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. He is ok with having to continue on at his current employer if it is what it takes. He really is an amazing provider for our family.

I just wish infertility didn't have to steal our joy once more.

Growing-ish...

We had our 4 month well baby appointment yesterday, and while both boys are both healthy, only one of them is putting on weight the way he should be.

H (baby A) has always been our bigger boy. He came out weighing 7lbs 11oz as a twin... that is on the hefty side for sure. He then lost a fair amount of weight before we got to come home and was kind of slow to put it back on. He now, at four months, weighs in at 13lbs 3 oz. He still hasn't doubled his birth weight, but I think he will before our next appointment at 6 months! He currently sits in the 15th percentile for weight and the 77th for height at almost 26 inches long. Even though he is still a bit on the skinny side he feels HUGE to us compared to his tiny brother!

A (baby B) is our tiny guy, always has been, likely always will be. After yesterday's appointment he has won himself a return trip to the doctor for a weight check in three weeks. We're starting some reflux medication twice a day, and hopefully that will give him a nudge to gain a little weight. As it stands right now, he weighs 10lbs 15oz and is in the 1st percentile. He is maintaining his growth pattern in height (15th percentile at 24 inches) and head circumference (16.5 inches and 38th percentile) so the doctor isn't too concerned, but we'd all like to see him beef up a little.

Otherwise our appointment was uneventful. The boys each had their belly buttons cleaned out a bit- both had some residual scabbing way down deep from when they were born so their doctor got after it with several q-tips, a tongue depressor and some cleanser.... good as new! They both also had two shots one was three mixed together and also an oral gel. They did fairly well at the doctor's office and calmed down within about 5 minutes. The afternoon however was not super fun. Hubs wasn't able to come home after the appointment like he had the last time they had shots and I was WISHING he had! There were two fussy, cranky tired boys who both wanted their mama at the same time. Poor guys!

Hopefully they will be in better moods today- I have some cleaning to get done before we have holiday visitors over the weekend. I am ready for Friday to get here- then we have hubs home for 11 days! Time for mama to have a little break!

Thought Vomit...

• Life with twins in exhausting, in the absolute best way. 
• We are a traveling freak show. So much so, that when I go out and don't get stopped by at least three people I start to feel odd. 
• Watching my husband interact with our boys is one of my favorite things. 
• We know we want another baby, and I am absolutely terrified it wont happen. I think we're leaning toward not doing another fresh cycle for several reasons that I might share more about in another post someday, so its up to three frozen embryos, a spontaneous pregnancy or a change of heart about another fresh cycle waaaay down the road. 
• Laundry. There is A LOT of it. 
• Ever since the boys started sleeping through the night and dropped a feeding I've needed to be a lot more careful about what I eat. Gone are the days of this nursing mama eating anything and everything she wants!
• The boys are both drooling a TON, and constantly have their hands in their mouths. I am afraid for my nipples. 
• Once the boys started sleeping through the night it became very difficult to wake up with one of them in the wee morning hours. On the nights it happens I find it much harder than it was when they were tiny newborns-  I guess its because back then I expected it. 
• One week until Christmas. We just ordered our Christmas cards. Whoops!
• I think we're going to transition the boys from the co-sleeper (its a mini) into one of their cribs in our room this weekend. I have a feeling there isn't going to be a whole lot of sleep going on... for any of us!
• We are working on changing our spare room/office over to a playroom for the boys. It will be really nice to have a space to keep some of the larger toys. 
• My hair is falling out like crazy. We figured out my thyroid was way off which could be a contributor, or it may just be postpartum hair loss.... either way, no thank you. 
• I really need to sew some stockings for the boys....again, Christmas is in ONE WEEK.
• We've traveled for Christmas every year we've been married. This year we are not making the 2 hour drive. It will be just the four of us, and I'm looking forward to the nice relaxing holiday. Hubs is taking the whole week off, so we will have daddy home for a nice chunk of time!
• The boys take 4 or 5 one hour naps per day.. I can't wait until we can drop a couple of those and make a couple of the others LONGER! It is so hard to get things done!
• I would not change a single thing about my life right now. I am so deliriously happy- it makes me realize just how unhappy I was in the years we were struggling to get pregnant. 

Just in time...

With the exception of one wall hanging that hasn't yet been completed, the nursery is DONE! We hung the final things this afternoon and we both LOVE how it turned out! The pictures are FAR from professional - super fancy cell phone photos, but it is so dang easy to go that route! The wall that isn't shown is mostly white doors, two into the closet and one into the hallway. 

 Jenny Lind Cribs- I made the crib skirts (gray & white hounds-tooth) and blankets- Hubs painted the letters to match the beads of the not yet completed abacus- We made the artwork that is above the cribs out of wooden embroidery hoops we found at a thrift shop, attached and painted orange.

The dresser is from Ikea- Hubs painted the green diaper pail and the A- I made the orange and white chevron curtains (I am NEVER making full length lined curtains EVER again!)  Someday the huge abacus will be competed and hung over the dresser.

.... and because you all wanted to see it...

This was taken a few days ago at 37w3d- 50 enormous cm  and 36 lbs.

Two weeks...

 Fourteen days from today I will meet my sweet baby boys, unless they choose to come earlier. It is so surreal to be speaking in terms of days/weeks instead of months and maybes! The babies are coming- and SOON!

I have my weekly appointment tomorrow and I hopefully everything remains as it is right now- completely and totally boringly normal! As ready as I am to meet these boys, it would be good to have at least one more weekend to tie up a few loose ends! We are incredibly close to ready after my mom spent two days deep cleaning my whole house complete with windows, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms and dusting/wiping down ever square inch! This weekend we will get the car seats checked and a couple more little things done and then these little stinkers can come anytime :)

It is crazy to think we only have four more scheduled appointments-

One regular OB appointment tomorrow.
One Ultrasound/OB appointment a week from tomorrow.
One scheduled c-section surgery appointment two weeks from today.
One post-op OB appointment four weeks from today.

I still can't really wrap my brain around all of it. Its so exciting and surreal and kind of feels like it couldn't possibly be happening to me! But, then I look down and see my big belly squirming...

9 months isn't long enough...

In the past several weeks Hubs and I have been realizing our days of being a young couple are numbered. Sure we've known it for the last several months, but there is something about a house littered with baby supplies and a due date that is weeks (not months) away that makes it REALLY sink in.

We've been spending a lot of time just the two of us over the last several weeks and it has been awesome. We've made sure to do a few things that will be tricky once we have the boys with us and we've just been trying our best to really enjoy these days.

Over the weekend we celebrated our 6th anniversary. On Saturday night we grilled and sat on the deck until 10:30 just talking about everything that is about to happen. We talked about what scares us, what excites us and everything in between. I think the biggest thing we realized is, as excited as we are for the boys to be here in our arms, we aren't fully ready to give up the happy that we've finally found. We spent SO LONG trying to get pregnant- so long being disappointed- so long being sad and depressed that now that we've finally found our joy it is really hard to be ready for the next step. Don't get me wrong, there is going to be plenty of joy and happiness in the next chapter of our life, but the last nine months have been amazing. Life seemed so easy, so happy. We both just want a little longer to soak it in.

So, for the next 16 days we live as intentionally as possible. We soak in each day as if it is the last day of our 'couple-hood' and prepare for what will surely be one of the most memorable and happiest days of our life!

34w 3d appointment...

It has been an eventful day at our house.....

Hubs is working from home in order to let his poison oak wounds breathe. He made a second appointment with the doctor this morning and was on the receiving end of a needle to the rear- he now has steroids on board  so hopefully he will be healing soon.

I had an OB appointment. She did a quick bedside ultrasound and it looks like Baby B has found himself in an even more undesirable position than before. Not only is he transverse, he also has his back facing down -meaning all of his 'handles' for an extraction (if necessary) are hidden. I'm ok with it, we had already decided that a c-section was the best choice for us and our boys, so this was really just confirmation. 

I had my group B strep swab- no big deal, just a simple swab. It likely will not really matter either way because we are planning on a c-section.  

Since I was already undressed from the waist down (back to these appointments?) she went ahead and checked my cervix. 1cm dilated and about 80% effaced.

I had my t-dap injection today- again, no biggy. 

Today the doctor said to keep in mind it is considered average for a twin pregnancy to result in birth around 35 weeks. I'll be 35 weeks on Monday- I don't think it will happen that quickly, but she assured me every day/week I make it past Monday is frosting on the cake. 

I made my appointments from here through the end of pregnancy... that is three more appointments. Did you catch that? I will have no more than 3 more weekly appointment- perhaps less. 

We will have one more ultrasound at 37w 3d if I make it that far. This will be to check on the size of the boys and to see how they are doing in there. 

As a whole our OB practice likes to deliver twins at or around 38 weeks. I'll be 38 weeks in just a little more than three weeks! These boys are almost here! 

And now, I better buckle down and finish packing those hospital bags and I think we better find time this weekend to get the car seats installed in the car- H & A could be here any day now!

Athlete... Ha.

Tonight after getting home from a walk I proclaimed to my husband that I am an athlete. He totally laughed in my face. Why, you ask? Um, perhaps it was because it took us 30 minutes, a bottle of water and 5 hip stretching breaks to walk just over a mile. Either way it needed to be done. I need to get this body of mine ready for the possibility of a marathon twin vaginal birthing experience. We will be keeping it to a mile a couple nights a week for now, but once we get to 34 weeks we will be stepping it up to every other night and if I make it to 36 weeks we will be attempting to do it every night or pretty close. 

Everyone keeps telling me the massive weight gain is just around the corner, but I have a feeling that being able to get a little exercise coupled with the absolute lack of space to eat much might just keep this third trimester weight gain at bay. Honestly, I could not care less how much I gain in the final 7.5 weeks- whatever it takes to have a couple of healthy baby boys!

Random Thoughts...

I'm becoming more and more excited (which at this point doesn't even seem possible!) about the arrival of these boys with each day that passes. Over the weekend Hubs managed to get a TON done for the boys' room. We're making a great big abacus for the wall over their changing table, so he painted all of the wood beads for that, painted the metal garbage we're using for the diaper pail and also painted a piece of furniture for another room in the house. Meanwhile, I was able to get hostess gifts for the three women who are throwing my baby shower in a few weeks, hit up a tiny consignment sale and visit with a few friends.

The curtain fabric arrived on Monday and I love it (orange and white chevron). Now, I just need to find the proper hardware for the curtains so I know exactly how long to make them.... I can't wait for another piece to be DONE in their room. I start freaking out when I read about women who deliver their twins at 32-34 weeks or end up on strict bed rest around 28-30 weeks. For the record, I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to both avoid bed rest and get the big things done by 28 weeks.

This weekend we are taking a newborn care and breastfeeding class. I know its a little early, but it is a class specifically centered around multiple pregnancies and this is the last time it is offered until next fall- which seems a little late :) I read that it provides a bunch of good information on sleep with multiples and I think it will be interesting to meet other couples who are expecting multiples.

Our shower is 4 weeks from this Saturday. I know it is early (I'll be 26 weeks), but since it is out of town we decided that it was best to get it in before any possibility of partial/full bed rest. There are so many benefits for me when it comes to the timing of this shower. Not only will I likely be fine when it comes to traveling for the shower, but it also gives us plenty of time to make any returns or fill in the gaps on what we are missing over the next couple of months.

I cannot get enough to eat these days. I am so stinking hungry it is absurd. It is hard to get much food in me at one time, so it feels like I am constantly eating. Seriously. I ate breakfast twice yesterday. Followed by a lunch and about 4 afternoon snacks. SO HUNGRY! Perhaps this is why things are starting to pick up all of a sudden in the weight department.

Also, did you see this week's episode of Private Practice? Be warned. Holy cow.

This and That...

The insomnia may kill me.

I woke up at 2:30 on Thursday morning. Once I was up and had gone to the bathroom I realized that I was starving. Eating some peanut butter crackers and drinking a big glass of water solved that problem, but it didn't solve the sleeping issue. I was wide awake for 2 whole hours. Lame. The only positive about the wake up was putting my hand on my belly when I woke up and realizing that HOLY CRAP it seemed huge and really firm.

I can feel the firmness of my uterus all the way up to just below my belly button... at 12.5 weeks. I'm nearly positive I am going to be some kind of freak show by the end of the summer. And I can't wait :)

Growth is happening in other places beyond my belly too... I'm going to need to look into some new bras in the very near future.

Hubs is hilarious about not wanting me to do things. I love it- he is so protective of me and these two little babes of ours.

I'm trying to make sure I eat frequently, but if I don't, it is very obvious when it is time to get some more food in this body of mine.

I love life without progesterone suppositories!

I love all of the changes that are happening with my body, and I'm in awe constantly of everything that is happening.

Most importantly.... 19 days until we get to see our babies again!!

Growing...

Nearly every night after dinner I lay out flat on the floor in the living room. It feels amazing on my already sore back (um, what are months 6,7 & 8 going to feel like?!?!) and while I'm there, allowing my back and hips to find their way back to normal through a series of wonderful pops, I place my hands on my lower abdomen and try to feel my uterus. Sometimes it is really easy, most of the time really, but others it takes a little more effort. With each day it seems to grow some and be easier to find. It is such a weird feeling to feel it from the outside and as a result feel it from the inside. Oh, how I can't wait to feel kicks and barrel rolls from these babes! 

Anyway, as I was laying there last night I looked at the hubs as I asked 'does it look like it is growing?' he turned with big eyes and replied with a 'YES!' Let's get one thing straight, I had some 'fluff' of my own going into this pregnancy- and I've always wondered if I'd really be able to tell when I was showing in the super early stages because it might be masked by the belly I already had. Apparently, it is obvious... at least while I'm laying flat on my back. I'll take it for now :)

I guess those maternity pants (that still haven't arrived) weren't as unnecessary as I thought. I have a feeling I'll actually be needing them, rather than just wanting them very soon. 

Prepared...

In the last couple of weeks it's been increasingly difficult to get the motivation to actually make food when its time to eat. So, my solution to this problem has been making things ahead so they are ready to go ( at least mostly) at meal time.

Soup has been tolerable, so last week I made a big pot of Pan.era creamy chicken and rice soup and this week I made broccoli cheese. In addition I made a quiche for Hub's breakfasts for the week. Though he assures me it smells fantastic, the scent makes me want to lose my last meal. I'm pretty sure the morning reheating/eating is going to need to take place at the office from now on!

Otherwise, I'm feeling ok. A little sick to my stomach and REALLY tired, but oh so happy :)

This morning I set up my first OB appointment at the request of my RE. I wont be seen by my OB until February 1st, at 10w1d. This will be just a few days after what we assume will be my final appointment/graduation from our RE's office at 9w3d.

4 more days until our second peek inside!!! I can't wait!