Change of Plans...

The vast majority of this post was written a week ago, it's just taken a long time to finished tapping out the words---

It is crazy how much things can change in just the span of a month. At this time last month we were coming off our consultation with our RE, preparing to get started with our FET this month-- more accurately, this  week.

We had, just two days before our RE appointment, found out that one of our boys was lagging behind his peers (we were aware, just not of  its extent) and that he had qualified for "services" through our county's early intervention services. We were also told at that evaluation that because of his delays  we also had the option of having him assessed for autism. In  the moment, I  said "of course" but really didn't worry about it. I  was feeling fairly certain that wasn't the case. It was just before the holiday break and because early intervention is part of the school district, the evaluation process was pushed off until the new year.

Fast forward a week, when I received a packet from our RE outlining what we were about to embark on along with the deposit bill, and I had some serious second thoughts. Hubs and I talked it through and we decided that maybe it would be best to get our footing, see the evaluations through and see how things went  with our early intervention home visits before committing ourselves to more stress and appointments with testing/transfer/bed rest.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very hard decision. We were ready. So very ready.  And last night when I took the last active pill in my current package of birth control I thought to myself, "this week was supposed to be so different." This week  I should have been preparing myself for testing on Friday- instead, on Friday Hubs will take  the  day off and we will meet with our school district's autism specialist and she will explain to us how the evaluation process will look.

Obviously, we will do whatever we need to for our precious little man. No diagnosis will change how much we love and care for him. But, this week we find ourselves sorting through what-ifs. We are now hyper aware of EVERYTHING he does and doesn't do and in all honesty, it is exhausting. I'm ready to get the evaluation underway and be able to know exactly what his needs are and the best way to address them.

Of course, after Hubs took friday off, our appointment was canceled. We'll try again this evening- the specialist comes tonight to explain the process and answer our questions- she'll be back tomorrow to begin the evaluation. I'm anxious. Ready to get this show on the road, and also anxious about the results. I'm trying HARD to not put the cart before the horse, but it's tricky.

Advent

I think I've mentioned before that we've been looking -- if you can even call it that-- for a church. It's hard with two babies, and we've been making excuse after excuse about why we can't make it work each week. Bottom line, our boys still nap twice a day- they NEED that morning nap and it happens at about 10am, give or take. So either we have super fussy babies in an unfamiliar church/nursery while we look for a church, or we don't go. Generally we choose the latter.

I've been craving it though. Some connection,  some spiritual grounding, especially during the holidays. Advent is such a time of waiting and expectation- it seems so fitting for me, an infertile, to find hope in these days leading up to Christmas. If you're new to the party, I wrote this post a few years ago and it remains something I think about often. 

In an effort to get connected to advent I decided look for an advent devotional. I'm only a few days in,  and if  you're interested you'd only need to catch up a few days, but so far it has been so good. After each day's readings I think to myself- I need this today, right where I am, but gosh, how I NEEDED it a few years ago. 

It's called 'The Greatest Gift' unwrapping the full love story of Christmas- by Ann Voskamp.

Not to worry, I'm not getting compensated for this, I just felt like I should pass the info along to all of you, especially those of you in a waiting period. It's good stuff.