3 in 3.5

So, as promised... HERE I AM... writing something! I can feel your excitement!

Today you get to hear about preparing for baby #3. I had literally never thought of the fact that IF we get pregnant when we are tentatively planning to (I seriously laughed out loud when I wrote that!)- Planning... you would've thought I had gotten over that a LOOOONG time ago! ok- back to my  thought, if we get pregnant in the first part of 2015 like we are hoping, that will mean I will give birth to three babies in a 3.5 year span of time. Whoa. I know people do it, I just generally let out the tiniest gasp and try to conceal my widening eyes when I hear of them! I have always, ALWAYS thought those mom/families were bordering on the crazy side of things. And here I am. A nice little reminder not to judge other people's choices!

In my defense, I have twins. Its different. Or so I tell myself. But in reality, most people would likely say it makes  me more crazy. That is ok. I love this hard, sticky, wet kisses, snuggling, sometimes smelly season of life. Days can be a challenge, and nights can be exhausting but I can easily say, this is what I was made for.  Being a mom is my everything and I hope we are able to  add to  this  family of ours.  

In the meantime we are working hard to get into better shape both just for ourselves and for H & A, but also so carrying another pregnancy can be as successful  as  my twin  pregnancy. To do that, I decided I had some weight to lose.  Arg. Not all that fun, but hubs was on board to follow along so it is something we are doing together which is kind of fun.  We, very  much on a whim, decided to  go all in and attempt transitioning to a paleo influenced way of life. Um, just in time for fair/festival and BBQ season, good plan... not really. 

However- I cannot tell you how happy we've been with  it. I'm not going to lie, the first week was a little slice of hell, but ever since we  both have felt so much better in terms of overall health.  Less headaches and stomach issues for hubs and less fatigue for both of us. I'd say in general we are eating paleo about 80% of the time, and for us  that is working. We still feel good having a little added sugar or  a few carbs here or there, but when we go  off completely-- holy cow, it is amazing how quickly we are both feeling somewhat sorry for our transgression! The change in how we feel would be enough to keep me trying to maintain the diet, but dropping 12 lbs since the end of May doesn't hurt either!

I still have a ways to go before I get where I would like to be when I conceive again, but I still have gobs of time to get there!

As a side note: I want to remember as hubs and I get more and more serious about our next round of treatments, A is getting serious too. We have a big doll, like the size of a 10-12 month old. For months she has spent most of her days at the bottom of the toy basket. Until recently when A  started dragging her out, bringing her to me, giving her a kiss and walking away. It is the cutest thing EVER.Then after he's left to play with other things and I've had my fill of holding a fake baby I set her down on the floor and usually within a minute he is back at my feet holding  the baby wanting me  to take her. Looks like at least one of the boys is  ready for a little sister or brother!

Meal Ideas??

So, as I said a few days ago- I am trying to lose a bit of weight and get more healthy. In the quest for this, I've found eating breakfast- and a relatively big one- really, really helps! Most days I have one egg, two links of turkey sausage and a piece of double fiber wheat toast. It works for me. I feel pretty stinking full most of the morning because it has a good amount of protein. I've found many other breakfast options with a similar number of calories but not as much protein leave me looking for a snack during naptime. While I'm not opposed to a snack, often it isn't something healthy that sounds good-- chocolate chips, anyone?!

For lunch I rotate between a few options, but I haven't found anything I really am set on yet. I'm the kind of person who could easily eat the exact same thing for breakfast and lunch every single day if I like it. So, ideas welcome- I'd love to find something I like and just eat it everyday, it would make my life so much easier!

As for dinners, this is where I like my variety, and its a good thing because hubs would not be pleased if I made him eat the same things over and over and over! I generally try to leave a decent amount of calories for dinner because then we have more options, but we also are trying to get into a better habit of feeding the boys what we are eating so that means having yummy salads every night isn't totally feasible for us right now. I need some healthy ideas that may also be somewhat kid friendly.... anyone?!?

In general I'm steering clear of buying snack type foods and opting instead for apples, cheese and relatively healthy granola bars. My very favorite snack lately is stove popped popcorn made with coconut oil. It needs nothing more than some sea salt when it comes off the stove and we LOVE it. Hubs and I have recently started making a pot (1/4 of a cup un-popped to share) a few nights a week after the boys have gone to bed. We share it while we catch up on DVR'd shows or play a board game. It seems like a treat, even though it isn't too bad for you, especially when consumed with a HUGE glass of ice water-- or two!

So, what are your favorite healthy meals and snacks? I'd love to find a little variety!

A weighty post...

It's on. I've let it slide for far too long- the postpartum weight has got to go. Notice, I did not call it baby weight, that's because I lost all that. By about 4-6 weeks postpartum I'd lost all 40lbs I gained during my twin pregnancy, then in the coming weeks after starting the mini pill, seeing a decrease in my milk supply, and losing all my daytime help... I gained about 25lbs back. Yuck! That was not part of my plan. Not at all. And let me tell you, it is hard work to lose that weight with two tiny babies at home and not a lot of time to worry about what it is you're eating!

So, the time is now. I'm starting to think about my next pregnancy (even if its a year or more off) and what I want for my body before my new little bean is growing in there. I want to start that pregnancy at a significantly lower weight, I want my body to be more fit and healthy- I want to prepare myself for the biggest gift ever- pregnancy, birth and the blessing of patenting another little human :)

I'm trying to be more active with the boys on days we are at home. Dance parties, lots of 'I'm gunna get you games', making more trips that I need to with laundry and toys to put away. On days we go out I try to go places where we can do a good bit of walking. Then there is diet. At the moment I'm just using my fitness pal to track calories without paying too much attention to WHAT those calories are. I figure once I get into a good rhythm of recording and tracking I'll take on one meal at a time and try to make most of the calories-- though really, I think I already have breakfast and lunch pretty figured out. I just need to come up with more healthy dinner ideas and fight the urge to have hubs pick up dinner on his way home one those long busy days-- which are plentiful!

I've already lost 10 of those 25 postpartum pounds and I am REALLY looking forward to getting the rest OFF... for good! If I can keep up with what I've started, I'm projecting being back (again!) at my pre-pregnancy weight by sometime in January! And then, I the work continues-- until we're ready to transfer, I'll be working on getting myself as healthy as possible in preparation of hopefully carrying another easy, drama free pregnancy!

One Body, TWO Babies...

I had an email from someone recently... or at last kind of recently, asking about life after giving birth to twins. Not really wondering how it was being a Mama to twins, but more about my recovery/body/mind. Since I'm finding myself this morning with two boys who are sleeping soundly, I thought I'd give you a quick list-

• I gained 40 lbs exactly when I was pregnant. I had lost every last pound by the time I went to my postpartum appointment two weeks after they were born. I did NOTHING to make this happen. 
• While I was pregnant I got about 4 stretchmarks. Another popped up about four days postpartum- I have NO idea how/why that happened.
• I had a c-section and was never really constipated in the end of my pregnancy or postpartum. However, somehow I managed to have a hemorrhoid in the first week or two I was home- not fun, be prepared!
• I can honestly say I had no baby blues/depression postpartum. I have never in my life been as tired or as happy as I have been in the last 8 weeks (or 10 months for that matter).
• I have never in my life (even while pregnant) been as hungry as I am now. In the first couple of weeks postpartum I wasn't starving, but since then I could eat about 6 meals a day- nursing twins is no joke!
• My hair is starting to fall out (not hugely) and I'm not totally sure if it is postpartum hair-loss or in conjunction with my thyroid evening out and swinging slightly Hyper instead of Hypo. 
• My biggest fears going into my c-section were the epidural, the catheter, and having the staples removed- none were worth worrying about. 
• I'm mind is mush. I can't remember ANYTHING. For this reason we are still, at 8 weeks postpartum, writing down feedings (which side for which baby) and diaper changes. Believe me, this is important. Had we not done this we would have had no idea how long it had been since one of our little guys had poo'd when he was constipated. 
• I've found that I need to leave the house at least a few days a week. It can been me running to the grocery store (alone!!) in the evenings, or going out with the boys during the day- we are all happier on our busier days than we are just sitting at home all day.
• I have also found that getting up, taking a shower, drying my hair and putting on make up all lend themselves to a more productive/happy day. Though I LOVE to stay in my sweats al day fro time to time, I feel like I get a lot more done after I've really woke up for the day.

And here, just because this person asked for it, is what my belly looks like 8 weeks after having twins. I'd say it is getting pretty close to where it was when I got pregnant. I was no where near washboard abs before  I had the boys, so I don't think it is going to happen now :)

Weightloss: Good for Mama, not for babies

It is a well known fact that the weight babies are when they are born is rarely the weight they are shortly after birth. This held true for both of our boys. A, our smaller guy, lost some weight but only about 4-6% of his body weight which is well within the normal range. H, on the other hand was reaching toward the danger zone as he was creeping close to a 10% loss. My milk was not yet in, and my colostrum was being split between two tiny mouths. We were advised to offer each of the boys a small amount of formula. Though I wasn't super excited about it, I knew in my gut it was what we needed to do. Thankfully both boys began gaining weight. We continued offering a small amount of formula after every-other feeding up until our first pediatrician appointment.

At our first appointment our doctor told us that we could play around with our feeding a bit and see what worked best for us and the babies. My milk was in at this point and I wanted to try feeding them just breast milk. We went along like this for a couple of weeks until our two week appointment. At this appointment we learned that in one weeks time the boys had only gained a couple of ounces each. Not great. So, she suggested doing one of two things- either meet with a lactation consultant to see what they suggested OR go back to supplementing after every other feeding with a small amount of formula. After some careful thought we decided to go the formula route. It was what my gut told me to do, and I think my mama instincts were correct. We had a weight check one week later and each of our boys gained a significant amount of weight. H gained 10 ounces and A gained 7. Yahoo!

Thankfully the weight gaining saga is on the upswing and we have one more weight check scheduled for two weeks after the last, just to be sure the gain is still happening. Hopefully Wednesday will bring good news of growing boys!

Mama on the other hand is (or rather, was) dropping weight like CRAZY. On the morning of my c-section I had gained exactly 40 pounds from the day the boys were transferred. At my 2 week postpartum appointment, I had lost 42 pounds. I can assure you I haven't in anyway TRIED to lose the weight. Life with twins is busy. I am up and down off the floor constantly changing diapers, breastfeeding two babies, eating whatever is prepared in the fridge and then starting again. It is a busy that I would not trade for any other job in the world- and if it is going to make me lose weight... heck yes! I will add that after losing that first 42, I've lost nothing more and have maybe gained back a pound or two. Life if getting a little easier as I get into a little bit of a routine and my appetite is slowing coming back. Nursing two growing boys several times a day leaves me eating pretty much anytime I am not feeding another hungry mouth :)

4dp5dt

I'm kicking myself for not writing down more of my symptoms from our last IVF cycle. Why, you ask? Because, I'm becoming more neurotic by the day.

Seriously, there is no fooling myself this time that I'll be able to wait until beta day (Tuesday) to know my fate.. At this point I'll be lucky if I make it to the weekend without peeing on something that has the ability to make some lines.

As for symptoms? They can pretty much all be explained by hormonal changes thanks to all of the supplementation I'm on. Buuuut, in case you're wondering, or God forbid, I have to do this ever again......

• Effing crazy dreams
• Uterine cramping
• A seriously oily face
• Random dizzy spell in line at  the grocery store
• Weight loss - with ZERO effort
• Extremely sore nipples
• Decreased blood pressure
• Fatigue
• Pretty serious aversion to toast (weirdest aversion ever!)
• The beginnings of a rash on my belly (3dp5dt)

For the record I had all of these, minus the oily face and the weird toast thing last time... And I was pregnant.

Stim Day 5...

First, thanks to everyone who has given me the Liebster blog award. I am typically pretty crappy at playing along with these awards- and it seems as though pretty much everyone I follow has already received it!

I'm five days in, and boy can I feel it. My energy level is taking a nose dive and my mid-section is in a bit of turmoil. I've been interested in how this cycle matches up to the last, so here are the findings so far....

• At suppression: More follies present for IVF #1. Ovaries looked less 'PCOS-y' for IVF#2.
• I started on the same dose of menopur, but DOUBLE the dose of follistim. 
• In terms of total doses of follistim, I am currently about to days ahead of where I was last time. However, the plan is to work in the opposite direction as we did last time, tapering down instead of up. The hope is more mature eggs than last time. 
• The calm feeling remains. I'm not overly worried about anything. I have no idea what my E2 level was yesterday, and I am 100% ok with it. 
• I've started the precautionary OHSS diet earlier this time around. As soon as I felt any bloating I started drinking Gatorade, trying to be better about getting plenty of protein and cut back on the carbs and sugar. So far, it has helped relieve the bloating significantly and hopefully it will keep me in the clear after retrieval. 
• I weigh about 20 pounds less than I did for IVF#1.
• The random crying is similar to last time. Most of the time it is somewhat predictable, but sometimes it is 100% random. This morning I was watching a TV show, and though it was touching, it wasn't worthy of tears, so there I sat crying... and laughing at myself for crying. Nothing says irrational like a hormonal woman.
• Lemonade Gatorade is still my favorite flavor. For now. 
• Follistim stings A LOT more than it did last time. 

I'm currently setting up Netflix for bed rest.... what should I add??

Scattered...

I don't have anything cohesive to say today so, as usual, its a list kind of day...

• I went to the gym twice yesterday- 7 miles and over a thousand calories. Who am I?
• ONE.MORE.BCP
• Christmas gift wrapping starts this weekend- I can't wait!
• Doxy.cycline makes me sick every freaking day. Next Wednesday can not come quick enough.
• I finally did some sewing today that had been in my to-do pile for weeks. 
• I just had the most pleasant call with my insurance company EVER. The rep not only spoke English, he also knew how to use his computer and I'm fairly certain had been educated past the 8th grade... AND he told me exactly what I wanted to hear which always helps :) Thanks, TJ!
• The injection tally is up to 3 at this point- only one bruise and two tiny red dots on my belly. 
• I wish the laundry fairy would come to my house. We used to be able to go weeks between laundry days if we wanted because I had a ridiculous amount of clothing. Now that I've packed up 4 huge tubs of clothes that no longer fit, laundry is more of a pressing issue- lame. 

Well, that was more boring that I anticipated. You can count on a celebratory post tomorrow after I swallow that last BCP!!

A little of this, and a little of that...

I started birth control on Wednesday and I'm already counting down the days until it is over... 22.

In reference to yesterdays post- Don't get me wrong, I do think her comments were well meaning. And I can understand wanting to make a connection with people, especially when they are hurting. It all was just a lot too soon, and not at all in a sensitive manner. But, that is kind of the way she is... words coming out with zero thought.

I scheduled my suppression check and it just so happens my doctor is going to be out that day. However I was able to get an appointment with my second favorite doctor. I'm just hoping my favorite nurse will be in (its the day before Thanksgiving) to draw some targets on my rear, because I don't drop my pants for just anyone. Who am I kidding, I totally do. Ahhhhh, infertility. 

I FINALLY made an appointment with the OBGYN we hope to use for prenatal care once I finally get/stay pregnant. I had previously been seeing a NP at a women's care clinic about twenty-five minutes away. We now live less than a mile from a great (but small) hospital, and assume we will deliver there provided it is a normal (read: not multiple or otherwise high risk) pregnancy. The doctor we are seeing has rights at this small hospital as well as the large university hospital near by. I do really hate seeing new doctors though. I hope I like her, because I'd hate to do this all over again! 

I've made it to the weight that my doctor wanted me to be prior to this next round of IVF. It was in no way a stipulation on treatment, more a suggestion, but I'm glad I'm there. This also makes me about 2lbs. away from a VERY large goal that I NEVER thought I'd reach. 

Speaking of weightloss, and I know I've said this before, I'm running out of things to wear. Yesterday, I pulled out the smallest pair of jeans I own. They are from college and haven't fit in literally years, but they are the kind of jeans that have A LOT of good memories, so I've kept them. Well, they totally fit. However, why did I ever think low rise (like ultra low rise) jeans were comfortable? And that wash... wow.

I'm starting to think I have forgotten a little about our last IVF cycle. You know how mothers always say you forget the pain of childbirth over time? I think I've done the same with IVF to a certain extent. I know with everything that I am, that it is worth it- so whatever it takes, I'm all in. Except for one thing. There is one piece that I've not forgotten, and I could certainly do without. It starts with a G and ends with atorade. I've already started stocking up when I've seen it on sale and I have a nice assortment of flavors (I learned that the hard way last time!)  I'm already dreading the countless bottles I will consume. Buuuuuut, it is far better than the alternative (OHSS and a freeze-all situation) so I'll comply. 

And with that... its time for my birth control pill.... 21 more :) 

Too controlled?

So, I took my last birth control pill on Wednesday morning, and here I am Sunday evening with not even as much as a single spot. It really doesn't matter too much, I'm pretty sure all it will mean is a few less BCPs as we prepare for this cycle- I was going to be on them a little longer than usual to push us out past the Thanksgiving holiday. But, it is still annoying. I'm hopeful just blogging about it will make it happen, that in addition to a couple hours at the gym in the morning.

Nearly every Thursday I think of the baby we lost. Thursday is the day I would've been another week pregnant, but this week I didn't think about it, and just now when I thought about it, I wasn't sure how many weeks I would've been. Of course I counted, and I'd be 16 weeks. At first it kind of made me sad, but after about two seconds of thought, it made me happy. It makes me know that I really am ready to do this all over again- no matter what. I honestly can't think of anything I wouldn't do for our babies at this point- any amount of pain and heartache will be worth it.

We recently converted the closet in our guest bedroom into a office niche. I'm loving it because it means eventually (read: once I get my act together) there were will be fewer things residing in our soon-to-be nursery. I also love it because our guest bedroom is one of my favorite rooms in the house. I love the decor in there, and that room is always neat and tidy. Its the perfect place to slip away, pay some bills, listen to some tunes and send my thoughts out onto the internet. Nearly the entire back wall of the niche is a bulletin board, and I think I'll fill a portion of it with quotes-- any suggestions?

I'm running out of pants...  Tonight the hubs and I decided that we should probably leave the house for a little bit and when I went to get dressed for a casual dinner I put on my smallest pair of jeans that I recently shrunk on accident and they are fitting kind of loose and are certainly too short for fall. They were ok at the end of summer with flips or cuffed with flats, but I think their days are numbered. I think I'll try to make my other jeans work for a little longer since the stim bloat is just a few weeks away. Then I can re-evaluated after Christmas... and hopefully start considering some maternity pants! Hello elastic waist band :)

As the hubs and I were talking at dinner I realized I had a story for y'all. Did I ever tell you the one about the insensitive sister-in-law just days after our miscarriage? I'll have to check, but I don't think I did... wow.

I'll save it for tomorrow.

And, I'll wait to blog tomorrow until after I've been to the gym so I can tell you who I raced.

Because I know you're dying to know.

(Can you say wildly schizophrenic post? Wow, I'm sorry!)

Racing...

So, racing (I'm not sure I can call it that since the other party never knows that it is occurring) has become my new normal at the gym. It encourages me to work a little harder, and it's a game... who doesn't like a game? I feel like I should give you a little glimpse into the demographic that is at the gym M-F around 8:30 or 9am.

There are two parts... neither of which do I currently fit into.

My gym is in the heart of a upper middle class neighborhood, where stay-at-home moms are plentiful. These ladies pretty much over take the gym around 9 or 9:30. I attempt to either beat them there, or arrive after they've gone home to feed and nap their children. It isn't that I don't like them, more than anything its me being jealous of them... that, and they loudly talk about how 'green' and 'organic' they are. And THAT is annoying!

The second part of this group is men and women over the age of 70. Bless their hearts for making their way to the gym every morning. I love them. I love watching these elderly couples walk around the indoor track hand in hand encouraging each other. Melts my heart every.single.time.

The second group is ideal for racing! This morning I was on an elliptical at one end of the track. Each time I'd see the person I was racing I'd set a goal for myself. Usually I'd attempted to go a quarter of a mile before they made their way back around, which surprisingly enough, is totally doable when you choose someone who is using a walker... even if the track is 1/14 of a mile :)

This is how I pass the time. It makes it go by a little quicker and pushes me to work a little harder. When I'm not 'racing' I'm envisioning two little embryos snuggling into my uterus :)

Thankful for the classics....

So, I know I've said before that ever since I started taking met.formin and thyroid medication I've been losing weight. Like a significant amount of weight. As of today I'm down 42 pounds. That is a lot.

Back in August after the miscarriage I needed something to keep my hands busy so I went through my closet and got rid of a few things that I didn't like anymore. There were several things that no longer fit, so they got packed away in a tub to be re-evaluated when I'm pregnant.

Yesterday morning (-10 lbs later) I was attempting to find something to wear this weekend for a family picture that is being taken. I tried on a few things that were too big and thus began another stroll through the closet removing everything that was too large... another huge plastic tub. While it is great that I'm losing weight, my closet looks SO SAD! I don't really want to go out and buy a bunch of new things considering I'm paying a lot of money in an attempt to have my body change significantly in the next few months.  Plus, it seems like every time I buy something new if I don't wear it within the first few weeks of ownership it needs to be returned because it doesn't fit. Efff! Its a never ending cycle. Right now my options include a few new things and everything else is circa 2006 or older. Thank God I've never been one to buy tons of super trendy clothing! I typically stick to classic staples and then spice things up with jewelry or other accessories- so luckily, even the older pieces aren't too out of date.

I know, not a horrible problem to have but SO annoying!