six months

I just called my RE's office for the first time in a very long time. It was such a weird,  surreal experience. It was like nothing had changed and like everything had changed all at once. 

Instead of sitting on my end of the line proclaiming to the receptionist that YET AGAIN cycle day one had arrived and feeling a twinge of hope alongside the daunting reality that a baby could still be YEARS away, I was sitting in my living room with two babies giggling themselves to sleep a couple of rooms away. I was checking in on the absence of the annual babysitting bill for our embryos. ((Which leads me to a question, do you pay annually for the storing of your embryos? I was under the impression this was completely standard, but was told by someone recently that they do not pay an annual fee for storage.-- we pay about $350 per year, if you were curious. ))

Anyway, it was weird. Though I do desperately want another baby or maybe even two, it was different calling the office. I was mostly checking on the bill, but also looking into some insurance stuff for when we head back  this fall for an  FET consult with hopes of a transfer in early 2015. Somehow it just wasn't as terrifying.  I get that I have two perfect babies at home, perhaps knowing the physicians already makes it easier, or maybe it is just that I have more of an understanding of what to expect. I know the drill. I suspect that come fall/winter I  will find plenty of things to stress about, but until then, I am so grateful for this complete calm about what is  ahead.  

In other news- we're having a garage sale  this weekend. How is it that every single time I forget how much work it  is to have one? I know it will  feel great to get several things out of our house and to gain a little cash for  the things we don't need anymore, but seriously, somebody remind me next year that it is a TON of work to get it all pulled together! Thankfully Hubs is  totally on board for helping so, fingers crossed, it should be an enjoyable weekend of hanging out  outside and getting rid of all the things that take up every bit of our garage!

What else? The boys are HUGE. We sneak in most nights on our way to bed and cover them up and last night we both just couldn't hardly take how big they looked in their cribs. My babies will be TWO in less than two months. -- H is a horrid sleeper and wakes up most nights somewhere between 1 and 3am. He has a horrible time getting  back to sleep and most of the time in the last couple of weeks he has needed to come to bed with us in order to settle back down-- unless I want to rock him for two hours, which for the record, I do not. This is one of those 'twins are way harder' areas. If  it was just H,  I could easily sleep in forever in the morning with him, but his stellar sleeper of a brother tends up  wake up for  the day just about  the time H is finally calming down on the roughest nights. If you are following along that means this mama of VERY busy twin almost two year olds  doesn't get enough sleep. 

Does all of that sleep talk make you wonder WHY in the world I would even consider wanting to get pregnant again? Yeah, me too! But, I have hope that by the time I'm growing another babe both boys will be sleeping much better. Six months. Surely we can do it. Right?

Preparing to jump.... again

As I said in my last post, thoughts of another baby are beginning to surface. Its funny, these thoughts of a second pregnancy are a little surprising to me. When I think about another pregnancy, it is in thinking about 'planning' it. So much about infertility (part one) was being a slave to not building expectations, learning to live without a plan at times and learning to live my life by a calendar someone else handed me at others. And now, now we have more pieces in our puzzle. We have seen success, and we know what (at least last time) works for us. We have three frozen embryos which are similar in quality to those we transferred during our two fresh cycles. Both of those cycles I did become pregnant, at least briefly, and because of that, I am hopeful one of those three embryos will become baby number three.

In a perfect world we would begin the FET process in January of 2015. So, why am I already thinking so much about all of this? We have fertility insurance. And while I am very thankful that we have it, it does add more hoops to be jumped. Like the fairly common '1 year of timed intercourse' before benefits can be utilized. Though I'm not sure that applies to someone who already has an infertility diagnosis, it is still very much dominating thoughts of growing our family. What this all means, is I'll need to go off birth control sometime around Christmas this year.

Its crazy. 'Trying' for a baby just a couple of months from now feels a little nuts, but we are being realistic in knowing an FET is very much a part of our plan. This may come as a surprise to some, but I don't have any desire to become pregnant naturally- nor do I think it will happen. I have three perfect embryos that I would like to give a chance to, and I'd rather not push that out longer and longer.

The three embryos we have are something I think about daily, and something that makes my husband feel somewhat uncomfortable. We aren't big fans of those babies just sitting and waiting for us for years to come. And if we're being completely honest, we aren't sure how this story is going to play out. Will we try with all three (not at once), will one or more of them not survive the thawing process, will we become pregnant with our first FET attempt or will it take multiple tries, will any of those three embryos become our third child? I'm fairly confident in the process and I trust my doctor entirely, so I do believe the boys' sibling is waiting for us. But, the unknowns are somewhat daunting.

I'm somewhat worried about going off birth control. I'm worried I wont have regular cycles due to my PCOS and I'll have to resort to the very much unenjoyable progesterone to stimulate cycles. I'm looking forward to the possibility of another baby and our little family growing, but it feels somewhat surreal to be thinking/preparing to jump back into all of this no matter how far off it is.

I don't often hear/see people speaking about their frozen embryos. I think I've read just one blog post about a family donating after their twin pregnancy/birth and I know of one blogger who fully intended to try with every embryo she had, but as it turned out it wasn't something she needed to worry about.

I'd love to hear your take on this, or what your plans are, my fellow IVFers. Either leave me a comment, or post your thoughts on your blog and leave me a link in the comments.

Insurance

Ugh.

This morning has been upsetting... I'm not sure that word even encompasses all I've felt.

In the past several months Hubs has been considering a new job. It was never his long term plan to be there forever, but it was easy to stay- the money is good, the insurance is great and he really likes the people. This past week he received a job offer. While the position is a fantastic fit, their health insurance options are not the best. Being a small company (compared to the very large one he currently works for) the premiums are HIGH... like nearly 3x what we are currently paying for amazing (infertility included) coverage. We were willing to walk away from our IVF coverage to the possibilities that were in front of us, and even take a slight pay cut all with a plan for the boys and I to get a private health insurance policy for a significantly reduced rate. Sure it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be doable. Until I was denied. I have to be honest, I was surprised. I knew infertility could be a problem, but I guess I just assumed (obviously incorrectly) that since it  is not covered under this policy that it would be a non-issue. Wrong.

It is upsetting because while I do still very much identify with the infertility community, I feel like it is behind me to some extent. We have three more embryos we intend to try with, but I feel pretty resolved at this point- if they don't produce a pregnancy, I'm finished with treatments. I get that I may change my mind, but I have been in such a great place since becoming pregnant with our boys. Today, well today reminded me of the hurt I felt before. That failure feeling- because now this possibly great fit job for my husband may have to be declined because we need to stay with our group health plan- because once again my reproductive system is getting in the way of the plans we have for our family.

Thankfully my husband does not blame me in any way for this. Infertility has always been something that was an 'us' thing, not a 'me' problem. I am so very thankful for this fact, and for the fact that he sees how this all hurts me and generally knows just what to say. He has been nothing but gracious this morning, saying if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. He is ok with having to continue on at his current employer if it is what it takes. He really is an amazing provider for our family.

I just wish infertility didn't have to steal our joy once more.

Thought Vomit...

• Life with twins in exhausting, in the absolute best way. 
• We are a traveling freak show. So much so, that when I go out and don't get stopped by at least three people I start to feel odd. 
• Watching my husband interact with our boys is one of my favorite things. 
• We know we want another baby, and I am absolutely terrified it wont happen. I think we're leaning toward not doing another fresh cycle for several reasons that I might share more about in another post someday, so its up to three frozen embryos, a spontaneous pregnancy or a change of heart about another fresh cycle waaaay down the road. 
• Laundry. There is A LOT of it. 
• Ever since the boys started sleeping through the night and dropped a feeding I've needed to be a lot more careful about what I eat. Gone are the days of this nursing mama eating anything and everything she wants!
• The boys are both drooling a TON, and constantly have their hands in their mouths. I am afraid for my nipples. 
• Once the boys started sleeping through the night it became very difficult to wake up with one of them in the wee morning hours. On the nights it happens I find it much harder than it was when they were tiny newborns-  I guess its because back then I expected it. 
• One week until Christmas. We just ordered our Christmas cards. Whoops!
• I think we're going to transition the boys from the co-sleeper (its a mini) into one of their cribs in our room this weekend. I have a feeling there isn't going to be a whole lot of sleep going on... for any of us!
• We are working on changing our spare room/office over to a playroom for the boys. It will be really nice to have a space to keep some of the larger toys. 
• My hair is falling out like crazy. We figured out my thyroid was way off which could be a contributor, or it may just be postpartum hair loss.... either way, no thank you. 
• I really need to sew some stockings for the boys....again, Christmas is in ONE WEEK.
• We've traveled for Christmas every year we've been married. This year we are not making the 2 hour drive. It will be just the four of us, and I'm looking forward to the nice relaxing holiday. Hubs is taking the whole week off, so we will have daddy home for a nice chunk of time!
• The boys take 4 or 5 one hour naps per day.. I can't wait until we can drop a couple of those and make a couple of the others LONGER! It is so hard to get things done!
• I would not change a single thing about my life right now. I am so deliriously happy- it makes me realize just how unhappy I was in the years we were struggling to get pregnant. 

So Happy!

First off, thanks for all of the fun comments yesterday, we are really excited!!!

Next, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified yesterday morning that we were going to get to the ultrasound and there was going to be nothing in there. My one symptom that had been holding strong (crazy sore boobs) was suddenly much better this when I woke up. Freaked.Out. Hubs held strong and was sure everything was fine. He was right. Like usual... don't tell him I said that.

As soon as the wand was in I saw two sacs and was instantly calmed when I could see the flicker of a heartbeat. The other sac seemed smaller, so I wasn't sure if it was viable, but I just kept focusing on that flicker... best.thing.ever! Well, until she turned on the sound and we got to hear that little heart beating :)

She told us there were two right away and after noting the heartbeat in the first she moved to the second and we tried to see the heartbeat. We didn't see it at first, but we were able to see the yolk sac and the baby. She then went back to baby A took the measurements (6w2d) and we listened to that sweet beating heart. Baby B is situated behind Baby A and is a little tricky to get a good image of, but on second glance we were all able to see the tell tale flicker. Baby B measured 2 days behind Baby A at 6w.

We're hopeful that we'll be able to hear both heartbeats next Friday! 6 days until we get to see them again :)

I'm feeling much more confident today. It also helps that the symptoms came back in full force yesterday afternoon :)

In other, nearly as exciting news... My hormone levels looked great yesterday and I can stop estrogen (5,031) all together and I get to move do to two progesterone suppositories a day from three because my progesterone was nice and high at (120.2). My doctor did tell me that she likes to keep twin pregnancies on progesterone until about 12 weeks.... 5 more weeks of those little gems- JOY!

:)

Twins! Today I'm 6w3d- baby A is measuring 6w2d and baby B is measuring 6w0d. We saw the flicker of both hearts, but we were only able to hear baby A's today. Our doctor said there was about a 70 percent chance that baby B would be viable, but that was before we found that tiny little flicker!

We're pretty excited and cautiously optimistic that this will be a healthy twin pregnancy. Next ultrasound- one week from today!!!

Beta #2

I'm terrified.

I don't have any good reason to think things aren't progressing just fine, but the pregnancy from our last IVF cycle ruined me. I am so scared to get a call today that either starts with 'unfortunately' or ends with the words I heard last time... 'we'll just have to wait and see.' Today I'm looking for words like congratulations, pregnant, doubled, 800.

The worst part is, I feel like such a jerk for even posting that I'm scared. I mean Tuesday brought some pretty great looking numbers, numbers that some would argue sound an awful lot like twins. But, I try to be honest. And if I'm being honest, I'm terrified. Like really, really terrified.

Hopefully I'll be back this afternoon with some great news, until then say a prayer- cross your fingers- send good vibes... whatever it is you do, please do it!

Confessions of an addict...

It has never been a secret that I thought this cycle would work. And with knowing the thrill of being pregnant (even if I only knew it  for a very short amount of time) I wanted to know as soon as I possibly could. My doctor and nurse would both likely shoot me if they knew I was testing at all before my beta, and if they knew how early it began I'm sure I would get a pretty hefty lecture. However, its my choice... and I made it... at 4dp5dt. There I said it. I took a test mid-day just four days after the transfer of two perfect little blasts.

Oh, were you wondering what the result was? Yeah, it was positive. Two pink lines. No squinting needed- positive. I began wondering if it was a little leftover HCG trigger in my system (10.5dp trigger), so I remained cautiously optimistic (read: nearly wet my pants with joy) and decided I'd retest around the same time the following day to see if the line lightened or darkened. 

It was darker. I'm pregnant.

In all honesty, when I tested at 4dp5dt I was testing in hopes of seeing a negative. I wanted to know the trigger was gone, and that anything I saw from there on out was actually a pregnancy, not the dang trigger. So, when the faint line appeared I wasn't exactly sure what to think. I didn't even tell Hubs that I tested. I waited until after yesterday's much darker test to break the news that we are once again expecting. 

After everything that happened last time I was terrified that I'd be too scared to get excited this time. I felt so jaded after our miscarriage. I didn't think I'd ever feel that same joy that I felt in July. 

I was wrong. I've never been so happy to be wrong. Well, maybe not all wrong. I do still have thoughts like 'well, it was like this at this point last time, too- and we know how that ended up' but, as quickly as I think it, I also toss those thoughts aside. This pregnancy deserves to be celebrated for as long as it lasts- hopefully about 36 more weeks!

For the moment, I am thrilled. I know that the days that pass between beta one and beta two will be hard because it was then that it fell apart last time, but for now, we are celebrating :)

2dp5dt

A few random things...

• My two days of bed rest are O.V.E.R. but I've been taking it pretty easy today. I've spent a good chunk of time on the couch, but it felt SO good to be able to get up and make my own lunch. 
• Progesterone suppositories are gross. 
• I still have 3 Christmas gifts to buy... the same 3 I've had left for the last 4+ weeks. My husband's family is IMPOSSIBLE to buy for!
• Pinterest has been my saving grace through bed rest. 
• My husband cannot get home soon enough today! Am finally allowed to shower today, but last time I got super dizzy in my first shower after ET, so I'm waiting until he gets home. 
• I'm feeling good about this cycle. That was shaken a little yesterday when there was only one freezable embryo- but I'm feeling better, more confident today. 
• My beta is one week from today. 
• We're having dinner with friends on Friday night- I'm looking forward to doing something that does not revolve around IVF. 
• Here are my socks from the transfer....

1dp5dt

It's amazing how nice it sounds to lay around all day, when in reality it isn't all that glamorous. I think I could dig it more if the "no more than a 45 degree angle" rule didn't exist! I've finished all the Private Practice that Netflix had to offer and began watching Glee this morning. This afternoon is going to require something more or I may go crazy!!

I'm currently (not so patiently) waiting to hear about our other three embryos. I'm hopeful all three are still growing and will be frozen alongside our two from our first cycle later this afternoon.

I'm already thinking about when/if I'll test. I'm fairly certain it is more of a question of when than it is of if. Last time I got my fist positive at 6dp5dt... that would be on Saturday.

***update*** I just heard from one of the embryologists- we have one embryo to freeze. She said it was very similar in quality to those that we transferred yesterday. So, even though I was wishing for more... Quality over quantity!

Two Perfect Blasts....

We just got home and settled in after our transfer. You'll remember that we've heard no updates sine the initial fertilization report on Wednesday morning.

Of our 9 retrieved eggs, 7 were mature, 6 fertilized with ICSI and as of this morning 5 were still growing!!!! The doctor performing the transfer today said that while I'm not much of a quantity girl when it comes to eggs retrieved, I'm certainly a quality girl when it comes to embryos.... Yay, finally I do something right!!!!

We transferred what the embryologist called 'two absolutely perfect blasts.' The remaining three all looked good but were growing at a slower pace (exactly what we saw last time) and depending on their status tomorrow, they will be frozen.

The transfer itself went perfectly, but leading up to it with the speculum was kind of a mess! It had to do with my full bladder making it difficult to visualize the cervix... It took three speculums. And, I'm fairly glad I didn't see the last one because I'm pretty sure it was enormous!

I'll be spending the rest of the afternoon in bed watching tv... I know I'll be bored and tired of laying by the time the 48 hour mandatory bed rest is lifted on Tuesday morning, but for now laying in my cozy bed being lazy and waited on hand and foot is a pretty sweet deal!!!

Sometimes early is good...

Early is not great when your period arrives in that fashion, but when your embryologist calls early, its a good thing. Not because she'll always have good news, but because you can stop worrying. Knowing is always better. But, when she calls early AND has good news it makes your day!

IVF #1:
13 Retrieved
8 Mature (62%)
4 Fertilized (50%)
4 Blasts made it to transfer/freeze (100%)

IVF #2:
9 Retrieved
7 Mature (78%)
6 Fertilized (86%)

So far, it appears that things are looking up in spite of starting out with less. From the start this was our hope. Now we wait some more. We will not hear anything more about our embryos until we arrive on Sunday morning. 4 more days of waiting. In the meantime I'm going to hang on to hope. Last time we found that once we found the mature eggs and hooked them up with a good sperm we made some pretty dang great embryos. So, until Sunday morning at 9:45am, I'm going to think positive and be hopeful that those six are growers and fighters!

Today is a very happy day!

Can't win 'em all...

Turns out blogging about your missing period is all it takes- she was ready and waiting when I woke up this morning. I've called my clinic and we are all set to start our cycle! I'll start birth control on Wednesday and be on it for a whopping 24 days, about a week before that is over I'll start lupron and I'll have my suppression check (AKA, the handing over of my bank account!) the day before Thanksgiving. I can't believe it is already almost November!

The title of this post is in reference to the rest of my morning. Insurance. I have a love hate relationship with it. I actually HATE talking about it on here because I know many of you would love to have my problems if only you'd get a little coverage, but I have to get it off my chest. I've called about the same claim probably 15 or 20 times now, and only today did they tell me how to fix the problem. I'm not exactly happy with the fix, but I'm so over fighting about it that I'll just eat the $163 and be done with it. It is all because of my trial transfer back in May. According to their infertility department it isn't a covered claim- it is to be 'inclusive' with the ER/ET. If I keep the claim and have it paid by the insurance it takes away one of my lifetime ART courses of treatment (because it is billed under the same coding as ET). If I have it removed, I'll have to pay for it out of pocket. It makes me a little angry, but at this point it is the difference of $163 or about $10k.... I think I'll just count my blessings and pay the dang $163. Insurance wins this one.

However, I while I was on the phone with the infertility department (who is IMPOSSIBLE to get through to) I asked a few questions that I'd been wondering about, and low and behold I was very pleased with the answer. Up until this point I'd been under the impression that if we ever had three or more embryos frozen that were of similar stage (in our case, day 6 blasts) then we would have to choose a frozen transfer over a third fresh cycle. This had been worrying me, because I know that we want more than one child and the scenarios were running through my head about what we would do at the end of this cycle depending on the number of embryos that were available to freeze and their grades. It turns out with our plan, it is a choice that will be made by our doctor and us, not the insurance company. I am hoping and praying with all I have that I never have to face another fresh cycle, but if I do, I know now that it is a choice we will be able to make.
........................
We have a fish tank in our guestbedroom/office that is making a horrid sound and I can't possibly sit in here and type out the insensitive-sister-in-law story, so you'll have to wait for another day!

A Little More Insight...

Yesterday I talked a little about our appointment, but after reading over that post again I realized that I didn't share one other point, and more than anything else, I want to remember -- so onto the blog it goes!

When we looked at the number of eggs retrieved compared to the number that were mature compared to the number that fertilized compared to the number that made it to transfer/freeze there were some questions. It wasn't particularly "normal."

13 eggs were retrieved

8 eggs were mature (62%)

4 eggs fertilized (50%)

4 eggs became embryos and made it to day 5 and 6 (100%)

This isn't exactly typical, at least at my clinic. Our doctor explained that it is possible the reason I may not have been getting pregnant all along may have had something to do with my eggs. Obviously we knew with my PCOS maturing follicles would/could be an issue. It does make me wonder if we ever had truly mature and viable eggs releasing during our IUI cycles, but that is over and done with-- no regrets. The good news is, once they identified the good eggs they did make great little embryos!!!

This question of my egg quality was another deciding factor in choosing another fresh cycle. We know that right now my eggs are capable of making good embryos. If we had chosen to do a FET and gotten pregnant, there would be a little urgency for baby 2/3. With the path we've chosen, we are able to keep our two great little frozen embryos for (hopefully) a few years from now when we're ready for baby 2/3- knowing that if indeed my egg quality is going downhill, we still have hope in those two frozen embryos- plus any embryos that make it to freeze from this cycle. I can't even begin to tell you how much this puts my heart at ease.

Thoughts on moving forward...

As sad as I am about our recent loss, I am ready to move on in our treatment plan. I know I've said it before and I'll say it again- I feel the best when things are moving. I'm a creature of momentum. If I stand stagnant too long, I become complacent and getting going again feels like starting over, which I HATE!

We haven't had our post-cycle meeting with our doctor yet (Aug. 31), but we've already started thinking about where we would like things to move once my body is ready to move forward. I did speak with our doctor quickly last week while she was doing my ultrasound, and she was pretty open to either trying an FET with our two embryos or doing another fresh cycle.

If you had asked me in the midst of our first cycle if I would consider another fresh cycle instead of frozen for our next cycle, I would have simply said no. Why? Honestly, I knew I'd get pregnant. While I was right, it didn't end the way I had imagined. I thought I would get pregnant, have a baby or two and then we'd use our frozen embryos for future pregnancies... never having to face a fresh cycle again.

Here's the thing... it didn't happen that way. Obviously.

So, from where I'm sitting right now, with the option of doing another fresh cycle or an FET, I'm leaning toward a second fresh cycle. I know, glutton for punishment. Buuuuut, I do have several reasons why this seems like the best option for us.

• We have two frozen embryos. There is always a chance that both won't survive the freeze. We absolutely want to transfer two.
• Our insurance "covers" 3 IVF/FET cycles. Both count the same.
• What else would I do with my left over stimulation drugs?
• We know that we would like to have more than one successful pregnancy. If we choose to do the FET and get pregnant, for future babies we will be looking at doing a fresh cycle. I cannot imagine doing a fresh cycle with a toddler or two at home. Talk about stressful!
• Finally, if we decided to do the FET and we didn't get pregnant or worse, had the same outcomes as this time, I don't know if I would have the strength emotionally/physically/mentally to then face a second fresh cycle.

So, it looks like our next step will be to do it all over again. I know it will be hard, time consuming, but more than worth it in the end.

Pregnancy Purgatory....

Pregnancy purgatory, beta hell... whatever you want to call it, it's horrible. The pregnancy symptoms remain, which are horrible reminders that today I'm pregnant, but tomorrow I might might not be. I might lose this baby, and it is painfully hard to come to terms with that.

I was ok yesterday until hubs came home from work. I'd only cried a few tears, but once he was here I lost it. I spent a good hour sobbing- Wondering how we could have the best week of our lives, followed by potentially one of the worst. Thinking about how just this once we spent one week not jaded by infertility, we lived as if this was a normal healthy pregnancy. If this doesn't work, we will never get to feel this way again- we'll be back to guarding our hearts.

Finally the tears stopped long enough to eat some dinner and watch some shows from our dvr, but almost instantly after crawling into bed it all started again. This time the tears were from many places, but mostly fear that if this pregnancy doesn't last, and we lose that baby that we are already completely in love with, I am going to have to watch as this baby leaves my body. And THAT is not something I'm prepared for.

I'm sure I'll be completely useless today. As much as I'd like it to be Wednesday at 9 am so I can get an answer, it scares me to death. There are a few (very few) success stories out there where these kinds of things happen and go on to produce a healthy pregnancy, but the overwhelming majority end in heartbreak and I'm trying to at least semi-prepare for that.

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. I'll update tomorrow after we know more. Until then, I think I'll just sleep.

As Promised....

The IVF aftermath....

Life would be just fine if I never saw a bottle that looked like these EVER again!

I think I count 23 in the picture, that does not include the multiple powerades consumed via sonic and McDonald's while we were out and about!

Again... if I never have to see one of these again, I'd be a happy girl. Although, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... buuuuuut, that is A LOT of needles!

However..... it was totally worth it for this!

It looks super faint on my screen, but I promise in real life you don't even need to squint. There are very much two pink lines. Something I wasn't even sure existed :)

And, here is our baby/ies first picture......

In the evening- 6dp5dt

To say we are excited is an understatement! We are cautiously optimistic that my beta on Thursday will be nice and strong!

(click on the pictures to make them larger... THEN you'll be able to see that beautiful second line!!!)

1dp5dt... (update)

• 23 hours into bed rest.... oh.my.gosh I am so bored!
• when hubs left this morning, he said good-bye to both me and the babes.
• I haven't heard if our other two embryos made it to blast yet- I hope so!!
• Lemonade gatorade isn't so bad.
• I feel completely and totally normal.
• As of yesterday a couple of medications dropped off the list which makes managing it all a little easier!

And, because I don't want to forget... the story of our transfer day!

I woke up a little before five to a bladder that just couldn't wait, and after making a trip to the bathroom I couldn't fall back to sleep even though I tried and tried. Instead I just prayed that when the call came from the embryologist it would be good news. I checked blogs, I played games on my phone and I waited.

I had to take my progesterone supp. at 7am, so at that point I got out of bed took care of that and then jumped in the shower. I dried my hair and put on a little make up all while watching my phone- willing it to RING! After I got dressed and ready to go, I just sat around trying to relax while I waited for the call. The call that would tell us if we were going to make it to transfer.

At exactly 9am, a short 4 hours after I woke up, one of the embryologists called. I got super nervous and kinda wanted to throw up, but she didn't keep me in suspense too long.... she quickly shared that ALL FOUR of our fertilized embryos had made it to day five. Of the four, one was a perfect blast, one was just a little behind as an early blast, and the other two were about 11-12 hours behind. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was standing in the bathroom when I got the call, and it and it was really fun to be able to see myself in the mirror as I heard the news- SO MUCH JOY! She asked if we were planning to transfer one or two and I quickly said TWO! I had began to think we might not have the choice if we only had one thriving embryo, so it felt really great to be able to make that choice instead of having it made for us. She said we would obviously transfer the perfect blast and from there most likely the early blast, but they would see what happened in the next couple of hours.

After getting the call we hugged and kissed and I screamed 'I'm so happy/excited/thrilled!' about thirty times and then we jumped in the car and headed to the clinic. I had the most ridiculous smile on my face the entire way to the clinic. I hadn't been really allowing myself to get too excited since hearing the fert report on Friday, so I was finally able to just be happy. I drank my water, but not too much considering my bladder was almost too full for the mock transfer.

When we arrived at the clinic we checked in, sat in the waiting room for all of 3 minutes when the door swung open and our name was being called. We headed back to the procedure area, got undressed from the waist down and slipped into my awesome gown. We were left in the our recovery room to drink water and relax. The nurse (the one I know from HS) came back and checked my bladder with the ultrasound. It was just right, so I could stop drinking water! She also checked in on my ovaries and neither of them looked to be overly huge, so that was a good sign.

After a little more resting, my doctor and the embryologist came in to talk to us about what was about to happen, our embryos and to slip me some Val.ium. About a minute later they were wheeling me into the procedure room. Unfortunately, hubs didn't get to be in the room for the actual transfer because our clinic takes the clean room very seriously. While I was in the room I chatted with my doctor and nurse, but mostly my eyes were glued to our perfect little embryos that were up on the monitor. The transfer itself wasn't really painful other than the multiple attempts to get the speculum just right, and then she had some trouble getting the catheter through my cervix, but overall, it was no more painful than a pelvic exam. It all happened fairly quickly and before I knew it I was being wheeled back to our recovery room with two embryos in my uterus :)

My options at this point for emptying my bladder were either waiting 15 minutes for a bed pan (uh, no thank you) or 45 for a trip to a real toilet. I waited it out. My bladder wasn't too painful, and I had a nice little drug induced nap to help pass the time! After dressing, using the restroom, hearing the discharge talk and getting a picture of our embryos I sat down in a wheelchair and our nurse pushed me out to our car and we headed home.

It was a pretty special day :)

**** UPDATE**** I heard from the embryologist around noon today, both of our other embryos made it to freeze!!!!!

They're home...

Two blastocysts are currently taking up residence in my uterus.... Snuggle in babes, snuggle in!

Ps, someone please reinvent the speculum.... I'm willing to share my ideas with you! The cranking sound is unnecessary, and so is the fact that it kinda feels like butter knives in your lady bits!

Pps, Valium is rad!

On our way....

We are heading to the clinic to transfer two embies! All four little fighters made it to day five. The embryologist said one is absolutely PERFECT!!!!