Saturday, December 17, 2011

Confessions of an addict...

It has never been a secret that I thought this cycle would work. And with knowing the thrill of being pregnant (even if I only knew it  for a very short amount of time) I wanted to know as soon as I possibly could. My doctor and nurse would both likely shoot me if they knew I was testing at all before my beta, and if they knew how early it began I'm sure I would get a pretty hefty lecture. However, its my choice... and I made it... at 4dp5dt. There I said it. I took a test mid-day just four days after the transfer of two perfect little blasts.

Oh, were you wondering what the result was? Yeah, it was positive. Two pink lines. No squinting needed- positive. I began wondering if it was a little leftover HCG trigger in my system (10.5dp trigger), so I remained cautiously optimistic (read: nearly wet my pants with joy) and decided I'd retest around the same time the following day to see if the line lightened or darkened. 

It was darker. I'm pregnant.

In all honesty, when I tested at 4dp5dt I was testing in hopes of seeing a negative. I wanted to know the trigger was gone, and that anything I saw from there on out was actually a pregnancy, not the dang trigger. So, when the faint line appeared I wasn't exactly sure what to think. I didn't even tell Hubs that I tested. I waited until after yesterday's much darker test to break the news that we are once again expecting. 

After everything that happened last time I was terrified that I'd be too scared to get excited this time. I felt so jaded after our miscarriage. I didn't think I'd ever feel that same joy that I felt in July. 

I was wrong. I've never been so happy to be wrong. Well, maybe not all wrong. I do still have thoughts like 'well, it was like this at this point last time, too- and we know how that ended up' but, as quickly as I think it, I also toss those thoughts aside. This pregnancy deserves to be celebrated for as long as it lasts- hopefully about 36 more weeks!

For the moment, I am thrilled. I know that the days that pass between beta one and beta two will be hard because it was then that it fell apart last time, but for now, we are celebrating :)


26 comments:

TurtleMama said...

So Thrilled for you!!! Can't believe it is already that dark - great sign!

Ashley said...

Congrats~~!! That is soo encouraging!! Hoping for the same result!!!

E and R said...

Can I PLEASE jump up and down in excitement for you now???? I am so darn happy for you two! Praying daily that this/these babe/s stick around and that your betas are spectacular!

Megan said...

I am SO happy for you and so glad that we get to go through this together. Nothing but sticky vibes are being sent your way. I hope you get a kick ass beta!!!!! Yay! You're pregnant!

Sybil said...

Congrats! Congrats!!! I am so excited for you!!

Jessica said...

Wohooooooooo!! I am so so freakin happy for you! Really those words are not enough. Sending you lots and lotsI of love! Grow little ones Grow!!

Michele said...

Oh, this is so exciting! Such great news, congratulations!

Rain Child said...

That's great news!!! Congrats!!

Emms said...

I am so excited for you! congratulations!

Janet said...

That's amazing!! I am so very, very happy for you! I hope I'll share the same good news as you. I'm too scared to POAS...4 more days until beta. I was feeling sick this morning, perhaps a good sign?

K said...

Super exciting!! I called my RE and got my beta moved up - it helped make it all a little more real for me. Congratulations - can't wait for the beta results :D

Kelli said...

Whoohoo!! Super excited for you! I think that's a great sign!!

Baby Hopes said...

Congratulations!!! This is wonderful!!! Wishing you all the best!!! :)

K and K Wicker said...

looking like some high betas! congrats!!

Liz said...

Congratulations on your positive!

L said...

Congrats! What great news :) That line on your last test is really dark too - can't wait to hear your beta results next week!

Rebecca said...

Beautiful lines. CONGRATS!! There are so many of us that got prego this cycle. We need to stick together for the next 9 months.

Brandi said...

This is wonderful news!!! Yay!! Congrats!!!

Sarra said...

OMG! CONGRATULATIONS!! I just found tears in my eyes reading your post. Hold on to hope and just believe that everything is going to be fine. I have such a great feeling for you! Be it twins or a single baby, this is going to be your baby!! Wishing you the very best, and hoping for many happy updates to come.

Mrs BubbaT said...

Congratulations!!

Christina said...

I'm so thrilled for you!! This is awesome!! Congratulations to you and your husband. :) What an awesome Christmas present.

Stephanie said...

Oh my, somehow I missed this post!! Congratulations!! I am over the moon for you!

Rebecca said...

That's awesome!!! Hoping for an even more awesome beta soon!

Stephanie said...

Yay!! So thrilled for yall!! What a perfect Christmas blessing!!

Chanel said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Totally ecstatic for you!

hopeful said...

ahh! I just saw this! I'm so happy for you!!!!!! I am praying those betas are good and strong! What a wonderful Christmas gift. Just take it a day at a time. And you're so right about just enjoying this pregnancy each day that you have it. Congrats!!!

(I just need to point out that the word verification below is "hiphip" how fitting! Hip Hip for pregnancy! lol)