Monday, August 30, 2010

How did you do it?

So, after two years of trying to get pregnant I think we're finally reaching the point where we share our situation with our families.... complete with plenty of boundaries of course! I don't know why, but in the last few weeks I have been overcome with the feeling of living a complete and utter lie, and it is bothering me. I am pretty sure my husband is on board for whatever I decide, but I am not sure how to bring it up. Or really, if I truly want to.

There have been a couple of situations in the past few weeks where I've literally been on the verge of just spitting it out. The words have been in my mouth, but in both instances I've felt like it would more of an attack on the person than a calm sharing of whats been going on, and what we see in our future in terms of treatment. Although it may be a beginning in solving the "when are you going to give us good news" comments, it just doesn't seem like the best way to go about things.

Although I would LOVE to hear less of the "when are you going to have a baby" chatter , I am not ready to be bombarded with the "a friend of a friend" stories either. I know they are typically said with the best of intentions, but really if it has successfully brought about pregnancy for a struggling woman we've either tried it or thought about it. We are in NO way looking for advice, simply support.

I'm still on the fence about sharing this super intimate part of our life with our families. Lets face it, infertility is an incredibly emotional and private matter and just dropping the bomb at a holiday dinner really isn't the way to do it.

So, here is my question, how did you do it? Have you done it? Or, are you like us still praying that you can just side step it a little while longer and get to make a pregnancy announcement instead of an "I'm infertile" declaration? If you've outed yourself, are you glad you told or do you wish you'd kept it to yourself? I know that it is a little different for everyone and sometimes the good outweighs the bad, but I'm talking overall.

We are on the verge of seeing a specialist, which undoubtedly will bring more trips to the doctor, invasive tests and the possibility of surgeries and injections. If this were ANY other health concern we would certainly be open with our families about it. I think that is where the guilt is coming from.

So, do tell. How did you do it?

1 comment:

Sara said...

This is such a delicate issue and is not always an easy one to approach. My husband and I ended up telling both sets of our parents after 22 months of trying and after our 2nd failed IUI. I had been feeling for quite a while that we were living a lie and it was just getting too difficult to make up excuses about why I wasn't drinking or why I was in a sour mood at a family gathering. I was tired of not being up front with some of the most trustworthy and important people in our lives...our parents.

We told them just by stopping by each of their houses and kind of just brought it up by saying "We didn't just stop by to say hi, we have something we would like to talk to you about." Once we told them about our infertility it turned into more of a conversation than seeming like we were on a stage standing naked in front of a huge crowd of people.

I was sooooo nervous to have our "secret" out (even if it was to just our parents) For the next week or so we felt very vulnerable and weird to have other people know. Now, we are to have the support of our parents. We do not regret even for a second sharing this with them. My hubby and I had been seeing a fertility specialist long before we talked to our parents so we were kind of used to the "intimate" part of it being invaded already.

Everyone is different. People will react in different ways and there will be people who say things that you don't want to hear or are uneducated about the issue...our backbones have become stronger! We ended up only telling our parents because we needed support, not because we thought they should know. We were tired of battling on our own. I do have to say there have been many moments where I was disappointed in lack of reaction or support but for the most part our parents have been supportive.

Hopefully, whatever you decide leaves you feeling comfortable with your decision.
(Sorry this was so long!) :)