Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Jumping New Hurdles...

Infertility is like running hurdles for the very first time. All the hurdles are there, but until you find your pace- your groove- the flow of the movements, it is almost impossible to gracefully float over those blocks in your path.

Over the past three years I've kind of found my groove when it comes to infertility. Though I didn't always gracefully leap over the hurdles, I did usually clear them even if it meant some tripping on the other side. It wasn't always easy, but each leap felt like I was a little closer to the end.

Miscarriage changes things.

In the last few weeks I feel like I was sent back to the starting line. Thankfully this time I have a little more knowledge about form, grace, courage and how it all works- but there are many strides that feel painfully similar to the first run.

Today I jumped a couple hurdles. It was hard and I was scared about how I might react, but I went flying right over them, no tears, no uneasy feeling in my stomach, no tripping and falling on my face. I did it. I held a baby and I told someone out loud and in person about the miscarriage.

Ahhhh, an amazing feeling. I CAN do this.

10 comments:

JM said...

Very, very proud of you! Yes, you CAN do this, indeed.

LC said...

Awww I am proud of you too. You are such a strong, determined woman. I look forward to following your journey and see your dreams come true! :)

K said...

Great job, make sure you take it one day at a time.

Don't expect anything in the beginning, some days I was fine and could hold a baby, other days the sight of a baby would hurt.

It'll take a while to heal, and the feelings will surge at some unexpected times, but keep being strong and you will make it through.

Looking forward to seeing your plan for moving ahead :)

Stephanie said...

Even though to some that might not seem like a big deal, that is definitely a giant leap forward and I am so proud of you! I'm sure neither were easy to do.

Sara & Brannon said...

I am soo sorry to hear about what you've been going through, but I am also very proud of your incredible strength!

We are on this infertility journey for a reason, as much as we hate it, the pain and grief is carving our our characters and making us strong, resilient women who are going to make amazing mothers someday!

I always imagine God bringing me on this journey to prepare me for a truly spectacular child that is going to need a strong mother to raise them. Makes me feel better :)

M said...

:) I love your positive attitude, can you send some vibes my way?! :) Seriously though, that's a major step and I'm glad you were able to do it.

Sarra said...

Your strength is an inspiration. Your post today brought tears to my eyes. So glad you are finding the strength to move forward and begin the healing process. I know your happy days are coming soon. It's not fair that you had to go through this mc on your journey, but good things are on the horizon.

♥ C said...

well done! Im proud of you.. you are very strong and will get through this just fine!! xx

Kelli said...

This is a beautiful post from such a strong woman! oxo

House of Duffy said...

Wow!! I'm so proud of you!! It was a very long time before I was able to that!