I'm reaching the point of being numb.
I'm sad that this may not work out, and that our joy may be so short lived.
Sitting in the clinic's waiting room today was a completely new and different experience. Before this cycle it always just felt indifferent, kind of neutral. On Monday it felt pretty amazing- I was pregnant! Today as I sat there knowing that the blood that would leave my body in a matter of minutes would change everything it was kind of ominous. Meanwhile a happy couple who was obviously there for their first pregnancy ultrasound spoke loudly of their success and their baby/babies. Note to self: when I'm in their position, remember where I came from, and remember my peers who are sitting in the waiting room with me.
Now I'm home. Waiting for the news that will surely cause tears either way. I'm not sure that this beta will give us a definitive answer, but I'm hopeful it will allow us to start processing in one way or the other. I've cried so much in the last two days that I'm not sure I have anymore tears left in me.