We were invited to go out to dinner with one of Hubs' co-workers and his family. We are all good friends, and they know about our situation (miscarriage and all) buuuuut, they have two kids under 4. I am actually pretty close with the wife, but she is also one to complain about their kids while always following it up with- 'but I wouldn't trade it for the world.' Kind of like it's free pass to complain because she ends it with a qualifier.
When Hubs first called and asked if I was up for it I said yes, then the panic set in and I had to back out saying I didn't know if I was ready. At first I felt bad because I knew he wanted to go, but then I took a step back and realized a few things....
Everything is not going to be back to normal with the snap of my fingers. Even though I'd really like it to be.
It has ONLY been ONE week since we found out for sure what was happening, though it feels like a lifetime.
Yesterday also presented a little turn of events that was momentarily traumatic. (more on that at the bottom)
And most importantly, it is okay to be completely and totally selfish right now. I've/We've been through a lot, and if I'm not ready, I'm not ready.
***FYI TOTAL TMI- miscarriage related***
I had read a great deal about passing some grey tissue during a miscarriage. I hadn't really seen anything like that, but kind of assumed that because ours happened so early maybe there wouldn't be enough tissue formed to see it. Well, yesterday after I posted about the bleeding being nearly over I went to the bathroom and passed two fairly large clots of grey-ish/red-ish matter. It was one of those moments I will probably never forget- traumatic and calming at the same time. Horrifying to actually see that, but peaceful to know that it was over. No more waiting and watching, no more wondering if it was complete or if I'd have to have some kind of procedure. At this point I'm feeling pretty confident that it is really and truly over.