Friday, August 5, 2011

Another day, another beta....

There isn't much to share at this point.. I had a fourth beta drawn this morning and I haven't yet heard what the number was. I'm assuming it has gone down even farther than Wednesday's test because my symptoms seem to be fading (or maybe I'm not trying too hard to notice them). I'm still taking both progesterone and estrace, so I'm doubtful that I'll begin bleeding before those are stopped and out if my system. I'm assuming that those will be stopped on Monday after the confirming ultrasound, if indeed the assumptions are correct.

I spoke with my doctor just briefly this morning when I was in for my blood work. She passed by when the nurse was drawing my blood and asked how I was doing. She agreed that my betas were absolutely not normal, but had a little hope that possibly there were two initially growing and now there is only one. She also mentioned the possibility of a tubal pregnancy, but said it would be hard to be sure about anything until our ultrasound on Monday. Today's beta results will give us a little more information, though.

I'm beginning to come to terms with what is happening, and I feel a lot better about everything today. I know my attitude may change again once the actual physical process begins, but for now I'm able to look at the situation relatively rationally knowing there are positives to be seen even in a horrible situation.

For me, it's been helpful to begin thinking about the next cycle. I'm not sure how long we'll have to wait, and I'm in no hurry, but the prospect of 'doing something' is some how refreshing right now. Maybe its because I feel so helpless right now, not knowing what is going on and being able to do nothing to change the outcome.

We knew from the beginning that this wouldn't be easy and that we'd likely have to fight to get our family... this Mama is not ready to give up yet! I still have a lot more fight left in me. I'm strong. I'm persistent. And bottom line, I'm going to MAKE this happen.

Again, thanks for all of the well wishes and prayers this week. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, but we're getting through it one step at a time.

** Just as I was about to publish this post the clinic called with today's beta results... The news is not good. My beta has continued to drop (I didn't ask for the level) so as of today I am to stop all medications and wait to miscarry. My nurse said that it would most likely be similar to a heavy period and to call if the bleeding is extreme. They will follow my beta until it reaches zero, but with it not being too high now and already dropping, I'm hopeful that it will move quickly.

My nurse also explained that our case will now be reviewed by the other doctors in the practice and together they will determine what the best course of action is from here on out. We'll expect to have an appointment to go over those finding sometime in the next several weeks.

I am so not looking forward to the next several days, but it is my hope that it will happen quickly and relatively painlessly. As much as I didn't want it to end this way, I'm glad the waiting is over.

14 comments:

meant to be a mom said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you...

Liz said...

I'm so sorry about the ways things turned out. I'm glad you still have some fight left in you! Hoping it all happens quickly and isn't too painful.

Miss Mac said...

so very sorry. Keep the fighting spirit and you will make this happen!

E and R said...

Again, I am so sorry. Glad you are feeling a little better about it today and are able to look forward. I hope that the bleeding is not extreme. Thinking of you!

JM said...

Words cannot express how sorry I am for what you are going through. I hope everything happens as (physically at least) painlessly as possible. ((hugs))

Michele said...

I'm glad to hear you still have hope even after all of this.

♥ C said...

:( I'm so sorry this is happening.

I hope over the next few days it's not to painful physically and emotionally. Stay strong! xx

Emms said...

I'm so sorry. I hope it is quick and painless. Big hugs to you.

Bobbi said...

I've been on vacation and missed out on this entire rollercoaster ride. I'm so sorry, hun. When I went down to your first beta, I thought to myself, "Wow, that's so close to what my first beta was!" I truly wish your numbers would've unfolded differently. I'm so so sorry. :( I guess there's nothing else I can say, really.

Sarra said...

I wish I knew what to say. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's just not fair.

Brandi said...

I am just catching up on your blog and I am soo sorry!! Tears filled my eyes as I too know what it is like to miscarry and you never want anyone to experience the pain that goes with it. I don't know what to say except that I am thinking of you and sending lots of prayers your way.

Holly said...

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I will be praying for you as you go through this...

Stephanie said...

Thinking of you doing this impossible time. I hope the doctors come up with some answers and I'm glad you are already looking ahead at the next cycle. At the same time, take some time to grieve what you are going through right now. HUGS!!!

Stephanie said...

I am so sorry. Again, I wish I had more. I've been there and done that and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Lean on your husband and allow yourself to feel everything. I promise, it may not seem like it now, but it will get better. You are so strong!! Hugs friend!!