Although it sounds like a great idea this year, I don’t think I have the guts to actually do it. I don’t mean that I would like to skip Christmas all together, but staying home this year and enjoying it with my husband sounds like a nice change. Maybe it is because I am already dreading all of the questions that inevitably come at holiday gatherings, or the near constant talk about the new babies in our family, or maybe it is because I feel like the only person I can truly be myself around these days is my husband. It would be nice not to pretend on my favorite holiday of the year.
Sound pathetic? I agree. I should buck up. I have a choice to make; I can either choose joy or choose to be sad and resentful of my family. Although the first choice sounds much more appealing on a logical level, the latter is a little more realistic of where I am at right now. I am not interested in pretending. I am sad, and I am tired of smiling about it.