I should be twelve weeks today. I should be at that magical point in my pregnancy where it is 'safe' to share the news openly. The point where you no longer need to be selective about what you say and who you tell. I've been looking forward to this day for years. Sharing our happy news. Instead there is nothing to tell, we lost our baby 6 weeks ago.
I'm getting out of town for a few days. I need a change of pace, and change of scenery. I need to deal with these feelings and I'm thinking a nice long drive with the windows down and the music turned up just might be the perfect medicine.
Don't get me wrong, the good days far out number the hard ones. It feels weird when a wave of hurt or sadness comes, because honestly for the most part, I really am doing well. I spend most days happy, looking forward to everything that is on the horizon for us. I think that is why it catches me so off guard- I have a new normal, and it isn't sadness.
So, excuse me while I step away for a few days. I'm going to spend time with a girlfriend I've known since elementary school. She just gets me, she knows the whole story and although she hasn't been in this exact situation, she certainly knows heartache, hurt and a struggle. Her faith is amazing, and I'm sure she'll be exactly what I need right now. Hopefully I'll return with a renewed spirit and a heart that is ready to take on all of the exciting things that are heading our way in the next several weeks. I'm confident I will. I just need a little time.
And one more thing... I've now called our insurance company NINE times about the same claim.... from MAY! Nine times. If it isn't fixed this time I don't know what I'm going to do. Seriously. I felt a little sorry for sweet Megan on the other end of the phone line yesterday because she was on the receiving end of my frustration from the previous 8 phone calls... but for the love, what is it going to take?!?! A TRIAL embryo transfer does is not equal to a FULL A.R.T cycle. I know that you have no idea how big of a deal this is, but FIGURE IT OUT!
Ahhhhh, much better! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest :)
Ok.. maybe one more thing, Prov.era and weight gain? In the past I've taken prom.etrium and I don't remember having this issue. I was losing like 2 lbs a week, and now this week I'm up FIVE! It is killing me. I don't know that I've ever gained on fertility drugs- hopefully when I swallow the last pill tonight it will all magically melt away. Anyone else have this problem?