The Help...

Over the weekend I met a friend of mine for dinner and a movie. She'd had a rough day, and when she asked if I wanted to see a movie I decided I'd let her choose. She chose The Help. I had been really wanting to see it, but had been terrified to actually do it, because I'd heard there was somewhat of a traumatic miscarriage scene in the book/movie in addition to a hint of infertility/RPL. I told my husband what we were seeing and he looked at me like I was crazy. He knew why I hadn't wanted to see it previously and was nervous I would get upset. I responded with flexed muscles..."I'm strong, I can do this."

I could, and I did. I refuse to allow myself to not do the things I want to because it might be hard or it might hurt. Those feelings are real and are meant to be felt, sheltering myself from them will not make them go away. As I told my husband, there are a lot of things I'm scared of, most of which aren't nearly as bad as I make them in my mind. This was one of those times. I would have reacted more had I not been waiting for the scene- the moment still took my breath away, it was one of those weird moment when for the first time you 'get it.' I hadn't been there before, I had never watched someone go through a miscarriage and been able to really empathize with them. Another lesson learned.

Miscarriage aside, the movie was amazing. The story was well done- the perfect balance of serious and hilarious moments. Although infertility has nothing on the painful struggle the women in this story faced, I couldn't help but connect the dots between the two over and over again. I guess what I've said for years really is true- a struggle is a struggle is a struggle. Though we may rank them in our minds- and may feel like no one else knows what we are going through, everyone knows hurt. Just because it isn't the same hurt doesn't mean they can't empathize with you at least on that level. I will likely never know what it feels like to be asked not to use the bathroom inside someone's home because they don't want to risk catching something from me, but I do know what it feels like to be pushed to the side in conversations because I couldn't possibly know how hard motherhood is-- even if un-motherhood is 500 times harder.

Maybe it is ridiculous to compare the two, and honestly it feels a little silly even as I type, but that hasn't stopped me before and it certainly isn't going to start now.

And the end, well it made my heart sing....

It's gonna be a long, long journey. It's gonna be an uphill climb. It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be some lonely nights... but I'm ready to carry on.