Growing-ish...

We had our 4 month well baby appointment yesterday, and while both boys are both healthy, only one of them is putting on weight the way he should be.

H (baby A) has always been our bigger boy. He came out weighing 7lbs 11oz as a twin... that is on the hefty side for sure. He then lost a fair amount of weight before we got to come home and was kind of slow to put it back on. He now, at four months, weighs in at 13lbs 3 oz. He still hasn't doubled his birth weight, but I think he will before our next appointment at 6 months! He currently sits in the 15th percentile for weight and the 77th for height at almost 26 inches long. Even though he is still a bit on the skinny side he feels HUGE to us compared to his tiny brother!

A (baby B) is our tiny guy, always has been, likely always will be. After yesterday's appointment he has won himself a return trip to the doctor for a weight check in three weeks. We're starting some reflux medication twice a day, and hopefully that will give him a nudge to gain a little weight. As it stands right now, he weighs 10lbs 15oz and is in the 1st percentile. He is maintaining his growth pattern in height (15th percentile at 24 inches) and head circumference (16.5 inches and 38th percentile) so the doctor isn't too concerned, but we'd all like to see him beef up a little.

Otherwise our appointment was uneventful. The boys each had their belly buttons cleaned out a bit- both had some residual scabbing way down deep from when they were born so their doctor got after it with several q-tips, a tongue depressor and some cleanser.... good as new! They both also had two shots one was three mixed together and also an oral gel. They did fairly well at the doctor's office and calmed down within about 5 minutes. The afternoon however was not super fun. Hubs wasn't able to come home after the appointment like he had the last time they had shots and I was WISHING he had! There were two fussy, cranky tired boys who both wanted their mama at the same time. Poor guys!

Hopefully they will be in better moods today- I have some cleaning to get done before we have holiday visitors over the weekend. I am ready for Friday to get here- then we have hubs home for 11 days! Time for mama to have a little break!

Thought Vomit...

• Life with twins in exhausting, in the absolute best way. 
• We are a traveling freak show. So much so, that when I go out and don't get stopped by at least three people I start to feel odd. 
• Watching my husband interact with our boys is one of my favorite things. 
• We know we want another baby, and I am absolutely terrified it wont happen. I think we're leaning toward not doing another fresh cycle for several reasons that I might share more about in another post someday, so its up to three frozen embryos, a spontaneous pregnancy or a change of heart about another fresh cycle waaaay down the road. 
• Laundry. There is A LOT of it. 
• Ever since the boys started sleeping through the night and dropped a feeding I've needed to be a lot more careful about what I eat. Gone are the days of this nursing mama eating anything and everything she wants!
• The boys are both drooling a TON, and constantly have their hands in their mouths. I am afraid for my nipples. 
• Once the boys started sleeping through the night it became very difficult to wake up with one of them in the wee morning hours. On the nights it happens I find it much harder than it was when they were tiny newborns-  I guess its because back then I expected it. 
• One week until Christmas. We just ordered our Christmas cards. Whoops!
• I think we're going to transition the boys from the co-sleeper (its a mini) into one of their cribs in our room this weekend. I have a feeling there isn't going to be a whole lot of sleep going on... for any of us!
• We are working on changing our spare room/office over to a playroom for the boys. It will be really nice to have a space to keep some of the larger toys. 
• My hair is falling out like crazy. We figured out my thyroid was way off which could be a contributor, or it may just be postpartum hair loss.... either way, no thank you. 
• I really need to sew some stockings for the boys....again, Christmas is in ONE WEEK.
• We've traveled for Christmas every year we've been married. This year we are not making the 2 hour drive. It will be just the four of us, and I'm looking forward to the nice relaxing holiday. Hubs is taking the whole week off, so we will have daddy home for a nice chunk of time!
• The boys take 4 or 5 one hour naps per day.. I can't wait until we can drop a couple of those and make a couple of the others LONGER! It is so hard to get things done!
• I would not change a single thing about my life right now. I am so deliriously happy- it makes me realize just how unhappy I was in the years we were struggling to get pregnant. 

A Year and 4 Months!

One year ago Saturday I took a pregnancy test WAAAY too early at 4dp5dt and saw the two pink lines that changed EVERYTHING. I wasn't sure at that point if we would be blessed with two babies or one, but I had a sneaking suspicion that there would be two. I never, even after all of the waiting, dreamed they would change my life as much as they have. Sure my days are busy and my life revolves largely around eating, pooping and trying to get babies down for naps, but it is a nice change from needles, appointments and wands. I would (and likely will) do it all over again. It has been worth every single moment of heartache, painful procedure or injection and cent we ever spent. So, if you're still trying and have a some fight left in ya, KEEP GOING!

Saturday also marked another exciting day- the boys are FOUR MONTHS OLD! They are usually sleeping though the night, nursing six times per days and drinking five bottles of supplemented formula. They both can roll from belly to back, but generally choose not to. They still love their play mat, riding in the stroller and their car seats on most occasions. H will nap in his crib sometimes, but A refuses. At night they are both wedged into the co-sleeper together pulled up next to my side of the bed. H stays in the co-sleeper all night, and A usually wants to snuggle up with mama for the last couple of hours. I absolutely love having them in our room and fear it is going to be really hard for me to let them go to their own room. There is nothing sweeter than falling asleep to sweet baby sleep noises and snuggling up to a sleepy baby first thing in the morning!

I'm sure there is more to update on, but I have two little tikes not so gently reminding me that they are the priority right now :)

Three Months!

I cannot believe my sweet boys are already three months old! With every new month my heart sinks a little- they wont be babies forever. So, I spend my days neglecting my house and holding my babies- I'm ok with it, it wont be this way forever. Someday we will eat well planned meals, from a nice clean kitchen with no dishes on the counters. Until then, I just want to soak in these days- these moments that are passing far too quickly for this mama's liking!

I want to remember everything about these sweet EXHAUSTING days with my boys:

Baby A: H --- (Random question twin mamas-- is your baby A the more chill one? My OB insists he can pick A & B almost every time by temperament. A is almost always more relaxed and B is more likely to be the needy/scrappy type. SO true at our house!)

• LOVES to sleep... during the day. Get the kid snuggly and he is OUT! He is so much like his mama when it comes to sleep.
• Is pretty content (and usually sleeping) in his swing, car seat and stroller. Right now outings are a dream!
• Likes his giraffe wubbanub pacifier, but doesn't need it most of the time.
• Enjoys nursing and bottles. He almost always cries when either is over, even if he is the one to pull away. 
• Can play for a long time on his play mat by himself or alongside his brother. 
• Wakes up every 3or 4 hours at night to eat.
• Misses his brother in the pack-n-play at night when A jumps ship and gets in bed with mommy and daddy. 
• Has the most adorable dimples I've ever seen. 
• Wears a size one diaper and 3 month clothes. 
• Loves Mommy and Daddy pretty equally.
• Cries only when he needs something. He is usually pretty easy to figure out- he doesn't care too much about the status of his diaper unless its poopy, so it is usually an eat or sleep cry. 

Baby B: A

• Has a hard time shutting down and going to sleep. The kid is SO worried he is going to miss something!
• Loves his mama above all others.
• Is still a tiny guy- but long enough that we had to retire all of the newborn clothes when he reached 12 weeks old. He also transitioned to size 1 diapers just this week at 13 weeks old. 
• Forgets/doesn't like to/avoids pooping. The doctor says it is fine because he isn't actually constipated. We used suppositories for awhile but now he is going once or twice a week.
• NEEDS his froggy wubbanub pacifier.
• Usually likes riding in the car seat, stroller and swing, but often prefers the sling or front pack. 
• Loves to eat, but spits up A LOT. We think he is dealing with a bit of reflux, but not enough to medicate. 
• Has started sleeping through the night the last few nights.... if he gets into bed with us at some point. 
• Smiles with his whole face. 
• Loves to stand.
• Is a more fussy baby than his brother, but often the fussy times can be avoided if I see them coming.

In the eyes of their Mama they are the most perfect, adorable babies EVER!

The Haps...

It seems crazy to me that I haven't been back to write in this space for almost an entire month. Writing here used to be so therapeutic for me. I wish I could make it a priority now, but it seems like there are just too many things on that list right now. I think one day soon I'll find myself in a different stage of motherhood, allowing for a TINY bit more time for things like blogging... at least I hope so :)

In the meantime here is a short list of what has been happening...

• I had mastitis at the end of September- OMG, that business is PAINFUL!
• The boys started sleeping a little longer at night in October. We are no longer waking them to eat at night, but we still are waking up every 4-5 hours to eat. 
• We had a 2 month well baby visit and the boys are GROWING! At 9 weeks H was 10.3lbs and A was 8.11. They are still a little small percentile-wise, but to me H seems HUGE!
• A & H took their vaccines like champs and had very minimal discomfort afterward. In fact A was happier than his normal self...weird!
• We took our first out of town overnight trip to visit our families. It went really well. The best part was two hours in the car each way of SILENCE!
• Both boys have a new love for the swing. It is seriously magical and we've borrowed a second swing so both can swing at the same time! It has the same effect as their car seats- instant sleep!
• We had two little animals for Halloween- a giraffe and a cow. They were pretty darn cute at Daddy's office party!
• Speaking of Halloween, we spent a chunk of time at the OB's office that day. I was having HORRIBLE breast pain, but I didn't have all the symptoms I had with mastitis. It was determined I may have some sort of breast yeast infection, but I wasn't showing any symptoms except that nice razor blade pain while nursing. My doctor prescribed some AMAZING nipple cream ( same as Dr. Jack Newman APNO) and the pain subsided rather quickly thank goodness!
• I took a HUGE step and packed up the leftovers from our IVF cycle. They will soon be making their way to our RE's office for donation. Hubs was ready to do it a LONG time ago, but it wasn't until I had the boys that I was ready to give up the goods. We are fairly sure we'll do this all again, but it will NOT be happening before these expiration dates roll around!
• Packing for two babies is A LOT of work. I'm already getting things together for holiday travel. 
• I'm not a huge fan of the mini pill.... more on that another day. 

One Body, TWO Babies...

I had an email from someone recently... or at last kind of recently, asking about life after giving birth to twins. Not really wondering how it was being a Mama to twins, but more about my recovery/body/mind. Since I'm finding myself this morning with two boys who are sleeping soundly, I thought I'd give you a quick list-

• I gained 40 lbs exactly when I was pregnant. I had lost every last pound by the time I went to my postpartum appointment two weeks after they were born. I did NOTHING to make this happen. 
• While I was pregnant I got about 4 stretchmarks. Another popped up about four days postpartum- I have NO idea how/why that happened.
• I had a c-section and was never really constipated in the end of my pregnancy or postpartum. However, somehow I managed to have a hemorrhoid in the first week or two I was home- not fun, be prepared!
• I can honestly say I had no baby blues/depression postpartum. I have never in my life been as tired or as happy as I have been in the last 8 weeks (or 10 months for that matter).
• I have never in my life (even while pregnant) been as hungry as I am now. In the first couple of weeks postpartum I wasn't starving, but since then I could eat about 6 meals a day- nursing twins is no joke!
• My hair is starting to fall out (not hugely) and I'm not totally sure if it is postpartum hair-loss or in conjunction with my thyroid evening out and swinging slightly Hyper instead of Hypo. 
• My biggest fears going into my c-section were the epidural, the catheter, and having the staples removed- none were worth worrying about. 
• I'm mind is mush. I can't remember ANYTHING. For this reason we are still, at 8 weeks postpartum, writing down feedings (which side for which baby) and diaper changes. Believe me, this is important. Had we not done this we would have had no idea how long it had been since one of our little guys had poo'd when he was constipated. 
• I've found that I need to leave the house at least a few days a week. It can been me running to the grocery store (alone!!) in the evenings, or going out with the boys during the day- we are all happier on our busier days than we are just sitting at home all day.
• I have also found that getting up, taking a shower, drying my hair and putting on make up all lend themselves to a more productive/happy day. Though I LOVE to stay in my sweats al day fro time to time, I feel like I get a lot more done after I've really woke up for the day.

And here, just because this person asked for it, is what my belly looks like 8 weeks after having twins. I'd say it is getting pretty close to where it was when I got pregnant. I was no where near washboard abs before  I had the boys, so I don't think it is going to happen now :)

Just because you have two boobs....

.... does NOT mean breast feeding twins is easy.

 I went into breast feeding our twins much like I went into gestating two babies, with very few expectations. Let me also be clear, the expectations I did have were more negative than positive. I assumed it would be VERY difficult and I prepared myself (as a PCOSer) to have a small/ if even existent supply.

This doesn't mean I didn't prepare for the best. I bought a double electric pump, a twin breast feeding pillow and a couple of boppys. I even went as far as to purchase milk freezing bags.... ha, that last one is funny!

I hoped for the best. I wanted the best, but I never wanted to breast feed at the expense of not enjoying EVERY.SINGLE.MINUTE with my babies. I know some of you are thinking- 'it doesn't have to be one or the other', and while that is true in some situations I will tell you soon how it is the truth in others.

While we were in the hospital we heard from countless people that I really need to learn to tandem feed. These people told me that if I didn't tandem, I'd most likely not continue breast feeding. I tried, and it was just too hard. It wasn't at all a bonding experience with my babies, I saw it only as a time saver, because otherwise (for me) it was more like being a cow than a mommy. In addition to it not being a warm and fuzzy experience, it was logistically a nightmare for me- a large chested woman. Not only did I need to keep my babies positioned on the pillow correctly, I also needed to keep them awake and eating (as to not make this a drawn out event!), and most importantly I needed to hold my boob in order to not suffocate my poor children on their food source. Tell me, does it sound like I have enough hands for this?!?

So, what did we do? We did what was best for us and threw all other advice out. I nurse each of my boys individually every three hours during the day and every 4 hours at night. The nursing/burping/diapering routine takes us about 1 hour, so if the boys get to sleep quickly following a feed I have 2-3 hours to sleep/relax/eat/shower before we do it all over again. I promise it feels much more like 10-15 minutes than it does like a couple of hours.

The boys both lost a decent amount of weight after birth and were slow to gain it back. Our ped. was concerned and gave us a couple of options. 1. Supplement with formula (probably forever) or 2. Seek the help of a lactation consultant and go from there. This is when I have to say I was much more committed to enjoying my boys than I was to breast feeding. I'm guessing anyone who has/had an infant can understand how difficult it was to get out of the house to an appointment. In the words of my OB, 'this is one of the many times with twins that 1+1 DOES NOT = 2'. Though I take my boys out relatively often, I couldn't get on board with committing to lactation appointments a couple of times per week in order to get things moving int he right direction. Going out in the early days was something of an all day event. We'd prepare for hours ahead, then we'd go and then we'd all recover from it for a couple of hours after we got home. Adding more of this to our weeks sounded horrible, it wasn't as if I wasn't able to still nurse them, it was just that I'd need to supplement. So, that is what we have done and I am so happy we did.

Right now the boys are eating seven to eight times per day. I generally nurse them every feeding expect for the most 'middle of the night' feeding. For that they get 2 oz. of formula and a quick diaper and we all go back to sleep as quickly as we possibly can! If I'm out and about when the boys need to eat they each take a couple ounces of formula and then I'll pump when I get home.

I have very happy boys who have taken pacifiers, fed from bottles and breast from the very beginning and we've never had a problem. I hope that twin mamas are wise enough and brave enough to do what works best for them and their babies regardless of all of the well-meaning advice.

In the very beginning I pumped A LOT (after almost every 'feeding') in order to get my milk to come in and then to get my supply up. I cannot urge you enough-- get an extra set of pump parts!! Washing parts is not at the top of your list of to-do's when you have babies who are just days old. Having a couple of sets will allow you to always have one clean set. Also- buy nipple cream. You'll need it. I like the Medela brand best.

I know there is plenty more to say on this topic, but I have a couple of babies who are starting to wake up. If you have questions about what we've done feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. I know I was CONSTANTLY looking for twin mama blogs to find out what I should be expecting!

Weightloss: Good for Mama, not for babies

It is a well known fact that the weight babies are when they are born is rarely the weight they are shortly after birth. This held true for both of our boys. A, our smaller guy, lost some weight but only about 4-6% of his body weight which is well within the normal range. H, on the other hand was reaching toward the danger zone as he was creeping close to a 10% loss. My milk was not yet in, and my colostrum was being split between two tiny mouths. We were advised to offer each of the boys a small amount of formula. Though I wasn't super excited about it, I knew in my gut it was what we needed to do. Thankfully both boys began gaining weight. We continued offering a small amount of formula after every-other feeding up until our first pediatrician appointment.

At our first appointment our doctor told us that we could play around with our feeding a bit and see what worked best for us and the babies. My milk was in at this point and I wanted to try feeding them just breast milk. We went along like this for a couple of weeks until our two week appointment. At this appointment we learned that in one weeks time the boys had only gained a couple of ounces each. Not great. So, she suggested doing one of two things- either meet with a lactation consultant to see what they suggested OR go back to supplementing after every other feeding with a small amount of formula. After some careful thought we decided to go the formula route. It was what my gut told me to do, and I think my mama instincts were correct. We had a weight check one week later and each of our boys gained a significant amount of weight. H gained 10 ounces and A gained 7. Yahoo!

Thankfully the weight gaining saga is on the upswing and we have one more weight check scheduled for two weeks after the last, just to be sure the gain is still happening. Hopefully Wednesday will bring good news of growing boys!

Mama on the other hand is (or rather, was) dropping weight like CRAZY. On the morning of my c-section I had gained exactly 40 pounds from the day the boys were transferred. At my 2 week postpartum appointment, I had lost 42 pounds. I can assure you I haven't in anyway TRIED to lose the weight. Life with twins is busy. I am up and down off the floor constantly changing diapers, breastfeeding two babies, eating whatever is prepared in the fridge and then starting again. It is a busy that I would not trade for any other job in the world- and if it is going to make me lose weight... heck yes! I will add that after losing that first 42, I've lost nothing more and have maybe gained back a pound or two. Life if getting a little easier as I get into a little bit of a routine and my appetite is slowing coming back. Nursing two growing boys several times a day leaves me eating pretty much anytime I am not feeding another hungry mouth :)

"Is it hard?"- postpartum encounters with an infertile

As part of my postpartum care I had an appointment with the postpartum/lactation care clinic at the hospital where I delivered about 3 days after I was discharged. This was one of our first outings with the babies and we turned a lot of heads with our long double stroller holding two of the cutest (I may be biased) faces on the planet. 

As we were walking into the hospital, a young nurse peeked in on the boys and asked me 'Is it hard?' to which I replied 'yes, but not as hard as I thought it would be.' She then shared with me, a complete stranger, that she was going through fertility treatments and had been told that multiples were a very real possibility. I quickly shared that we'd been there and that every single thing she'd face in the coming months would be absolutely worth it.

 

We were running late for our appointment and she appeared to be returning from a break, but as we walked our separate ways, we both wished each other luck and I said a quick prayer for her that she'd be as blessed as I've been. 

Over-sharing...

The title: If you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT, and other unsolicited advice, seemed a bit long, but that is what this post really should be called.

If you've ever shared with someone that through fertility treatments you may be BLESSED with multiples, been pregnant with multiples or had the pleasure of giving birth to multiples you've surely heard some comments about what your life will undoubtedly be like. Some of these comments will have come from people who've parented twins and some will come from people trying to 'help' who  really have no idea what they are talking about. In both situations, the ass-vice is generally not super helpful. 

I heard a lot of this while I was still pregnant with the boys. I usually just took it with a smile and walked away giving it very little thought. My first dose of post-pregnancy twin 'wisdom' came from the OB who discharged me from the hospital. When she came into my room on that Saturday morning, her first comment was 'are you sure you want to go home?' After we assured her that we were ready, she proceeded to lay out for me how my life was over. You see, she herself has twins, so she surely knows exactly what life if going to look like for us. Not only did she share that her twins have NEVER gotten any easier and they are now 2.5 years old, but also that I'd likely never sleep again. She told me that she 'usually' is still happy she had them. I know some of what she said was in jest, but what ever happened to building each other up as mothers? I'm the first to admit that I appreciate some honesty- even when it isn't what I'd like to hear, but to stand there and tell a woman who is preparing to take her twins home how HORRIBLE it is going to be? Probably not super helpful. 

I'm thankful that my attitude toward having twins has always been- I may have my hands full, but my heart will be equally full. I can't even imagine how defeated I would have felt if I wasn't able to listen to her and laugh as she left the room. 

Let this be a reminder to both myself and to you... If you can't encourage (or occasionally commiserate) with another mother, just keep your mouth shut. 

And then we were FOUR part 2...

Part ONE can be found HERE....

Again, I'm totally not editing this--

The trip to the postpartum portion of the hospital was comical at best. The transfer staff at this hospital left a little to be desired. The person moving me had the paper portion of our chart with us, but somehow neglected to find out before moving me WHERE exactly we were going.... super. So, while she attempted to find out what room I would be moving into for the remainder of my stay she just went ahead and left me in my huge hospital bed right in the middle of the elevator bay. Thankfully I was so blissfully happy to have two perfect boys laying on my chest I hardly noticed how weird this was. 

After making it to my room the same transfer person asked me to go head and move my body from the bed I was in, onto the bed that was in my new room. Uh, did I mention I had abdominal surgery about 2 hours prior and was numb from about the boobs down? Needless to say, NOT the easiest task! It felt like it took me hours to move from one bed to the other inch by inch, but I made it. After we got settled in our new room we allowed our families to come in and meet the boys for the first time. It was fun to watch them as they saw the boys for the first time. 

The remainder of our hospital stay was relatively uneventful. We had fantastic nurses day and night, I seemed to recover in record speed getting up and walking around about 12 hours after surgery and showering the next morning after getting rid of the catheter sometime in the night. The boys roomed in with us the majority of the time, but spent a couple of hours each night in the nursery so we could get some real healthy recovery sleep. I learned to breast feed, pump and generally take care of two babies. I found myself constantly looking at them and thinking about them.

We ended up staying in the hospital three nights and made our way home as a family of four on Saturday morning. The doctor from our OB's practice that was on rotation that morning was a real peach, but that is a post for another day- re: if you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT!

Posts I'd like the write in the coming weeks- if I ever find the time....

• If you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT, and other unsolicited advice.
• "Is it hard?"- postpartum encounters with an infertile.
• Weightloss: Good for Mama, not for babies.
• Breast Feeding Twins: Didn't I JUST have something attached to my boob?
• First Four Weeks Favorites- things we never could have lived without.

And then we were FOUR!

HOLY COW!

I can't believe it took me this long to get back to the computer and write about these sweet little boys who've stolen my heart, made me cry, changed my life and caused me many exhausted days. But, here I am almost four weeks after they were born- loving life as a mommy... the good, the hard and the mounds of diapers and laundry!

I don't want to forget their birthday, so in an effort to document it- here is the run down!

On the August 15th we woke up bright and early around 3:30am. We needed to be checking into the hospital at 5:30 and knowing that the drive would take about 35-40 minutes and we both wanted to take one last non-rushed shower we knew it would be a very early morning! We both woke up super excited to meet our boys and I was still not feeling an ounce of fear about the surgery that would be starting in just a few hours. We got ourselves ready, packed up the car, took a couple final pictures of our babies in my belly and hopped in the car to go meet our long awaited babied!

We arrived at the hospital right on time, checked in and were taken back to our room. I changed into my gown, met the nurses who would take care of me up until my surgery and then they hooked me up to the monitors to check on the boys. Both little hearts were beating and it was time to wait for my surgery time. The anesthesiologist came in, talked to us about the spinal and what to expect and shortly after my OB came in to go over what would be happening in the OR. I was still not even a little nervous, just super excited to see my boys and hear their little cries as they came out of me. Of course, just as the OB was finishing explaining the surgery, his pager went off and he quickly called the nursing station from my room to find out another of his patients was just about to have her baby just a few doors down. He assured me that it'd be quick as 'this is her third baby, this shouldn't take long'- all with a motion as if to say the baby would just kind of slide out of her. Hubs and I had a good laugh as our doctor (who we love) walked out of the room.

We ended up waiting about an hour for him to be ready for my c-section. I walked myself down to the OR, sat up on the table, was prepped for the spinal and then started to lose it. I still wasn't totally scared, it was more that I was realizing the babies were really almost here. I wanted more than anything for my babies to come out screaming so I knew they were ok, and I think that is what I began worrying about in that moment. As I sat there receiving my spinal (which, while a super weird feeling doesn't 'hurt' more than a pinch) my chin quivered, my nose dripped and a few tears were shed. Both my nurse and doctor stood in front of me each holding a hand and a shoulder. My OB talked to me the entire time reminding me why we were there, there the two most important people in that room were my sweet baby boys and that he was going to get them out safely. He probably promised me 10 times in those few minutes that not only would they be perfect, but that I was already a great mommy and my boys would already know that when they took their first breath. I guess after twenty-five years delivering babies he knows what mamas need to hear to make them both cry and feel confident all at the same time.

Shortly after the spinal was in, I was laying down on the table, drapes were being hung and my belly was being tested for feeling. As soon as it was decided I was plenty numb (SO WEIRD!) my husband was brought into the OR. He sat right next to my head and help my hand. We spent a long time just looking at each other knowing these were the final moments of being just two. It was only minutes after he arrived in the room that our first baby was born. He came out just as I'd prayed for months... screaming! My OB brought him around the side of the table so I could see him before taking him to be cleaned up. All I remember thinking was 'He is HUGE' and 'I'm a mama!' Just one minute later little brother was born. He was rather angry to have been pulled from his cozy home at the top of my uterus and screamed in protest. Along with his screaming he came out pee'ing.... not once, but three times before reaching the head of the bed for me to get my first peek at him. The OR staff just kept laughing as they'd say over and over- 'He's pee'ing again!' My first thoughts of baby B were- 'He's tiny and red!' We'd been told for months that the boys were measuring very close in size, so when I saw my HUGE Baby A (7lbs 11oz) I was waiting for another big baby. When Baby B came out at just 6lbs 5oz (big for a twin) we were all surprised.

After both boys were born and the first checks and cleaning was complete in the OR, they and my husband were taken back to our private recovery room to get cleaned up, receive their first shots and under go their first evaluations. I was left in the OR to be stitched up. My totally weird anesthesiologist proceeded to show me random picture on his phone to keep my mind off the fact that my babies and husband had left the room. He showed me his daughter trying on wedding dresses, flowers in his garden and a photo he snapped on his phone as Baby B was being born. At that point Hubs and stopped taking pictures and was just enjoying to moment with me, so it was fun to see the little man being born- especially as I was laying there in a room away from my babies for the first time EVER.

Once I was all stitched up ( my OB and the assisting OB were talking about home improvements as they put me back together) I was transferred back to my bed (super weird feeling) and wheeled back to my recovery room where my three favorite people were waiting for me.

Hubs and I watched as they both had their first bath and received their first shots. As soon as both of those things were done I was able to hold them both skin to skin and try nursing. Both of the boys were pretty sleeping but H did try his best to nurse a little. A (baby B) wasn't hold his temp as well as the nurse would have liked, so he and daddy had to make a trip upstairs for about an hour to a warming bed were he was fitted with little foot heating pads and then his feet were wrapped in diapers.... he looked like he was sporting tiny baby Uggs- made of diapers!

Once A and Daddy returned to our recovery room we were able to all make the trip upstairs to postpartum.

... In an effort to publish this before their first birthday I'll publish in chunks- and without editing, otherwise it could be Christmas before I get this done!

They're Here!!!

As planned, the boys arrived last Wednesday mid- morning. They are perfect in every way! I'll write more of a real birth story one of these days, but in the meantime I have two babies to feed and snuggle.

H was 7lbs 11oz and A was 6lbs 5oz.

We are completely in love with these two little guys!!!

Ironic...

There are a lot of reasons why I love blogging, one of the biggest is being able to go back to a certain date and seeing where I was in that moment. I've often looked back at the same day in the previous year to see how things had changed or not changed.

On THIS very day one year ago, I wrote about what I guess was the official end of my first pregnancy. It was the day my beta finally reached zero. Though I'm sure I was feeling sad for all that we'd lost, I was also ready to pick myself up and begin moving on. I was ready to start preparing both my heart and my body to try again- to attempt once more to find myself pregnant with the hope of carrying that baby (or babies!) until they were big enough and strong enough to come home with us.

I find it somewhat ironic that I wrote on that day about becoming 'un-pregnant', because today the same thing will happen, only this time my appointment is for a c-section not a beta. It is amazing in one year's time we've really come full circle. Dreams have been realized, and on a day that was bittersweet last year, I will this year have two sweet boys placed in my arms!

On this day...
4 years ago, we were in the midst of our first cycle of trying for a baby.
3 years ago, we were a couple of cycles into clomid.
2 years ago, we were in the process of beginning treatment with our RE.
1 year ago, we had just miscarried our first pregnancy.

And today... Today, we become parents and our family not only grows, it DOUBLES!!!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

THE BOYS WILL 

BE HERE 

TOMORROW!!!!!

Just in time...

With the exception of one wall hanging that hasn't yet been completed, the nursery is DONE! We hung the final things this afternoon and we both LOVE how it turned out! The pictures are FAR from professional - super fancy cell phone photos, but it is so dang easy to go that route! The wall that isn't shown is mostly white doors, two into the closet and one into the hallway. 

 Jenny Lind Cribs- I made the crib skirts (gray & white hounds-tooth) and blankets- Hubs painted the letters to match the beads of the not yet completed abacus- We made the artwork that is above the cribs out of wooden embroidery hoops we found at a thrift shop, attached and painted orange.

The dresser is from Ikea- Hubs painted the green diaper pail and the A- I made the orange and white chevron curtains (I am NEVER making full length lined curtains EVER again!)  Someday the huge abacus will be competed and hung over the dresser.

.... and because you all wanted to see it...

This was taken a few days ago at 37w3d- 50 enormous cm  and 36 lbs.

37w3d appointment

Well, they are STILL in there. I keep trying to coax them out with promises of ponies and pudding, but it doesn't seem to be working out for me. I'm beyond grateful they like it in there and that my body seems to be tolerating carrying two  babies to full term just fine. As ready as I am for them to be out, knowing that the end is near (less than a week now!) makes it a little easier to function each day. Even if 'function' means laying on the couch most of the day!

Everything is still completely normal with this pregnancy. It is almost like I'm not carrying twins. I never had to be seen by a MFM, I never found myself on bed rest, no pre-term labor, very minimal swelling especially for a summer pregnancy, normal blood pressure, no protein in my urine, no gestational diabetes.... what.the.heck? Believe me, I NEVER expected this to go anywhere close to this seamlessly. 

We had a VERY early appointment this morning. First an ultrasound and then a follow up with the OB. The ultrasound was fairly uneventful because these babies are wedged in there and it is dang near impossible to see ANYTHING at this point. Everything still looks good, plenty of fluid and they are still growing at a similar pace- just a 4% variance between the two. These little stinkers add up to just over 14 lbs combined and have my belly measuring 50cm- that is about what a women 50 weeks pregnant with a singleton would measure. Holy cow.  

That was our final OB appointment. The next time we see our doctor it will be to deliver these boys! I cannot wait!

SIX MORE DAYS!!!

Over sharing...

I've said before, there are a lot of reasons why I keep my blog anonymous. One of largest reasons, is so I am able to write whatever I want and not feel uncomfortable completely and totally over sharing. 

Today is one of those days.

I have a funny story. Well, perhaps not funny, it certainly was more disappointing than funny in the moment, but now I'm just laughing about it. 

So, even though I'm home everyday and not really venturing out too often, I've been trying to at least get myself kind of ready everyday- just in case these boys decide to come. For me, this means taking a shower, shaving my legs and putting on clothing that is approximately 1/2 a step higher than pajamas. 

Yesterday as I was in the shower I was thinking to myself 'wow, I'm really impressed that I can still lift my foot up onto the wall of the shower in an attempt to bend less while shaving the lower section on my legs.' About a minute later I fumbled with my razor as I was shaving the upper portion on my leg and the razor fell to the floor. I didn't really think anything of it, other than 'at least it didn't cut me.' Are you seeing where this is going?

Anyway- I finished my shower, got dressed, put some lotion on my legs and headed to my perch on the couch for the afternoon. I had a contraction or two through the afternoon, but like usual, they didn't last long and weren't really in any sort of pattern. They picked up again in the evening and I felt some different feelings of pressure. When I went to the bathroom a bit later I noticed a very small amount of blood. YES! I thought 'wow, great! SOMETHING is happening' I'm sure you've gathered by my back story that something has got to give..... you're right. After checking into things a little more I realized the source of the blood was NOT the location I was hoping for. It turns out that rouge razor DID cause a cut... yeah, on my lady bits. 

My thrill and excitement quickly changed to disappointment and humor. 

Was that personal enough for you? 

37 weeks

How Far Along: 37 weeks... 9 days or less- single digits!
How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a winter melon.... whatever that is! I'd estimate they are right around 6.5 pounds each- we'll get a closer estimate on Thursday!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 36-ish pounds since retrieval- no weight gain this week.

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both and still have one maternity shirt I bought early on that continues to be too big- that pretty much blows my mind!

Movement: Baby A spends a lot of time sleeping unless I'm laying in just the right way for him to stretch out a bit. Baby B is the feistier of the two and spends a good amount of time getting angry when anything changes in his little world-- For example, his brother having the hiccups or me resting my phone or kindle on my belly.
Belly button in or out? Still in/flat most of the time

What I miss: Not being in pain when I change positions. Sitting to standing, laying to standing... all those transitions are getting more and more difficult. 

Milestones: 37 weeks- full term. I am SO READY!

Food Cravings: Fresh veggies (fresh mini cucumbers with pepper and vinegar), hummus and flat bread, donuts, super cold grapes and shaved ice. 

Aversions: I ate two eggs yesterday, so maybe I'm over that!

Symptoms:  Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, constant hunger, excessively dry skin, Braxton hicks, contractions and heartburn.
Best Moment this week: Getting everything in order for the boys' arrival! Car seats were checked, bags are packs, house is sparkling clean, laundry is complete, meals are in the freezer.

Funny Moment: The look of amazement on my husbands face every time he touches my belly- it is CRAZY tight. One night be put his freezing cold glass of ice water up against Baby B to see if he could get a reaction from him and I didn't even flinch. He looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I could only barely even feel something touching me and felt absolutely NOTHING in terms of coldness. 

Tip of the Week: HOLY COW- Zan.tac for heartburn! My doctor told me it would be fine to take one before bedtime (that is when my heartburn is at its absolute worst) and I cannot even begin to explain how much better I slept. I wake up my usual two times to go to the bathroom, but fall back to sleep immediately. I wish I would have asked/tried something different sooner! 
What I'm looking forward to: Seeing the boys on Thursday- even if they are nearly unrecognizable in there! We'll see my Dr's partner on Thursday and that will be our final appointment before the birth of our sweet boys! I CANNOT believe we are this close!

For the record, I totally thought last night was going to be it. I was having some contractions and I felt like someone had grabbed my lower uterus/cervical area and was wringing it out like a wet towel- in other words it was PAINFUL! I sat on the ball for awhile and then finally got into bed and things slowed and ultimately stopped enough for me to go to sleep. BOO! I'm pretty sure I'll feel like I've won the lottery when I go into labor or my water breaks- I am SO SO SO ready and 9 days feels like FOR.EV.ER!

Boring....

Just the way we like it- another boring week, and another boring OB appointment. I swear every week my doctor is a little more surprised (as am I) that nothing crazy has happened. But, here we are 36w 3d and everything is completely and totally normal. No signs of labor- which obviously can come on quickly and without notice- and no signs of anything that would make it necessary to move my c-section up. This doesn't mean he is convinced that I'll make it to my c-section date. He said today he would not be surprised at all if I had these boys before.

Today my weight was ok- seriously though, I have a feeling I'm going to gain more in the last few weeks of pregnancy than I did in the first 30! No protein in my urine and my blood pressure was just fine. So, unless something shows up on our ultrasound next week, we are still planning to meet these little boys bright and early August 15th.

36 weeks 3 days

Two weeks...

 Fourteen days from today I will meet my sweet baby boys, unless they choose to come earlier. It is so surreal to be speaking in terms of days/weeks instead of months and maybes! The babies are coming- and SOON!

I have my weekly appointment tomorrow and I hopefully everything remains as it is right now- completely and totally boringly normal! As ready as I am to meet these boys, it would be good to have at least one more weekend to tie up a few loose ends! We are incredibly close to ready after my mom spent two days deep cleaning my whole house complete with windows, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms and dusting/wiping down ever square inch! This weekend we will get the car seats checked and a couple more little things done and then these little stinkers can come anytime :)

It is crazy to think we only have four more scheduled appointments-

One regular OB appointment tomorrow.
One Ultrasound/OB appointment a week from tomorrow.
One scheduled c-section surgery appointment two weeks from today.
One post-op OB appointment four weeks from today.

I still can't really wrap my brain around all of it. Its so exciting and surreal and kind of feels like it couldn't possibly be happening to me! But, then I look down and see my big belly squirming...

9 months isn't long enough...

In the past several weeks Hubs and I have been realizing our days of being a young couple are numbered. Sure we've known it for the last several months, but there is something about a house littered with baby supplies and a due date that is weeks (not months) away that makes it REALLY sink in.

We've been spending a lot of time just the two of us over the last several weeks and it has been awesome. We've made sure to do a few things that will be tricky once we have the boys with us and we've just been trying our best to really enjoy these days.

Over the weekend we celebrated our 6th anniversary. On Saturday night we grilled and sat on the deck until 10:30 just talking about everything that is about to happen. We talked about what scares us, what excites us and everything in between. I think the biggest thing we realized is, as excited as we are for the boys to be here in our arms, we aren't fully ready to give up the happy that we've finally found. We spent SO LONG trying to get pregnant- so long being disappointed- so long being sad and depressed that now that we've finally found our joy it is really hard to be ready for the next step. Don't get me wrong, there is going to be plenty of joy and happiness in the next chapter of our life, but the last nine months have been amazing. Life seemed so easy, so happy. We both just want a little longer to soak it in.

So, for the next 16 days we live as intentionally as possible. We soak in each day as if it is the last day of our 'couple-hood' and prepare for what will surely be one of the most memorable and happiest days of our life!

36 weeks

How Far Along: 36 weeks... 16 days or less!
How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a honeydew melon. I'd estimate they are right around 6 pounds each- and boy can I feel it!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 36-ish pounds since retrieval- between my last two appointments I gained 6 pounds. HOLY COW!

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both. Most pants are maternity, but I can still get away with a few non-maternity tops surprisingly enough. 

Movement: They are busy boys!
Belly button in or out? Still in most of the time

What I miss: Not being in pain when I change positions. Sitting to standing, laying to standing... all those transitions are getting more and more difficult. I also am really missing life before heartburn! 

Milestones: 36 weeks! It was my goal from the start to bake these babies for 36 weeks- SUCCESS!!!

Food Cravings: Shaved ice, donuts, cherries, berries... you know SUPER healthy foods :)

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms:  Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, HEARTBURN, excessively dry skin and Braxton hicks/ contractions.
Best Moment this week: Finally really feeling ready for their arrival. There are still a few things that I'd love to check off the list, but in reality I am VERY VERY ready to meet my boys. 

Funny Moment: CONSTANTLY finding food sitting on my belly inside of my shirt when I take my clothes off at night- my husband finds it absolutely hilarious! 

Tip of the Week: Just take a nap. 
What I'm looking forward to: Checking in with the doctor again on Thursday, but most of all.... MEETING MY BOYS very, very soon! :)

35w 4d appointment...

Another week, another appointment.

I don't have much to report- weight gain is OK- no protein in my urine- and my blood pressure is back within totally normal range. My hands and feet and starting to see a little swelling and I'm not sure I'll make it to delivery still wearing my wedding ring, but I'm going to try my best!

I'm having a few braxton hicks here and there, but not many. I always question if they are really braxton hicks or if I am just trying to down play an actual contraction- either way, they never stick around long enough to be timed, and they are never painful enough to feel concerned.

We're down to 19 sleeps or less! I cannot even begin to tell you how sore and ready I am. Of course letting these boys grow and cook as long as possible is important to me, but when you are carrying twins EVERYTHING starts to hurt at this point! I am thrilled I've been able to carry them as long as I have. My goal from the start was 36 weeks- only two more days to go! 37 would be ideal since that is considered full term, and making it all the way to my c-section at 38w2d would be icing on the cake.

The doctor took a quick peek at the boys today with a bedside ultrasound and after moving a ton and a large dose of ultrasound gel she was able to find two heartbeats among the pile of moving baby parts. She also said she could see them in there practicing their breathing which is great news.

We're getting all of the final things in place over the weekend just in case they decide to come sooner rather than later. My mom drove a couple hours to come help me clean 1/2 of my house this week and will be back early next week to help me finish the other half- such a HUGE blessing. I know it would have taken me about 4 days to accomplish what we did in the first day! It will be so nice to come home to a fully cleaned house after being in the hospital!

I'm still surprised that I've made it this far and continue to remain healthy. As I left today, the doctor said 'get outta here! Keep doing what you're doing and have another boring week until we see you again!'

I'll do my best :)

Three

I spent yesterday afternoon washing six garbage bags of hand me down baby clothing from a friend. As I was folding it and sorting it all out by size my phone rang. It was my OB's office and I made the assumption they were calling to confirm my appointment for Friday morning. 

Uh, I was wrong. 

It isn't that I wasn't expecting it, it just totally caught me off guard when the person on the other end of the phone introduced herself as the surgery scheduler for my OB. My first thought? Uh, I'm not having surgery. Ha! Then I took a deep breath and realized yes, indeed I am having surgery.... and babies.... SOON! She then rattled off H &A's birthday like it was the most normal thing in the world. Meanwhile I'm on the verge of shedding a tear that I just learned when I would become a mama of babies on the outside of my body- provided these boys don't have a plan on their own! 

So, we have a birthday, or at the very least, we have a last possible birthday.

Three weeks from today. 

In 21 days (or less) I'll be holding my boys!

35 weeks

How Far Along: 35 weeks... most likely 3 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a coconut. I'd estimate they are somewhere between 5 1/2 and 6 pounds each. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 31-ish pounds since retrieval. 

Maternity Clothes: I'm still wearing a little of both. Most pants are maternity, but I can still get away with a few non-maternity tops surprisingly enough. 

Movement: Baby B is one busy boy! His brother is a mover too, but I think he is probably feeling a little more 'stuck'.
Belly button in or out? it continues to get more and more weird with each passing week- still in-ish

What I miss: I can't complain too much, I've carried twins to 35 weeks and have not yet had a single scary complication. I am sore and tired, but mostly I'm just happy. I know soon I'm going to miss being pregnant and feeling their every squirm.

Milestones: 35 weeks/35 days... though this does not apply to me at all. We made the decision to have a c-section unless I go into labor on my own and arrive at the hospital ready to push. Finding out that I'm starting to dilate and am about 80% effaced- things are slowly starting to happen! My first actual contractions on Sunday- not remotely time-able or even very painful. 

Food Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, s'mores, shaved ice and fresh fruit.

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms:  Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness, excessively dry skin and Braxton hicks/ contractions.
Best Moment this week: Hearing that Hubs' poison oak really shouldn't be an issue in terms of holding the boys and being in the delivery room. He got a steroid injection anyway in hopes of clearing it up quickly.

Funny Moment: Realizing how much chocolate milk I've drank during my pregnancy. We are wishing we had been keeping track of how many bottles of chocolate syrup we've gone through... I'm guessing at least 10- possibly the source of every single one of those 31 pounds! 

Tip of the Week: Rest. Put your feet up and drink something. Most of all just know your limits and listen to your body!
What I'm looking forward to: My next Dr. appointment this Friday and seeing if there has been any change. But most of all.... MEETING MY BOYS very, very soon! :)

I have a new picture today for your viewing pleasure. I decided to add a picture from 5 weeks ago when I wore the same tank top for my weekly photo. 

30 weeks
Notice the seams on both tank tops on the top picture seem to match up.... not so much on the one below.
Also, on the top photo I'm covering part of the light switch with my chest and still have a decent amount of space between my belly and the white door jam at the very edge of the picture compared to the lower picture. 

35 weeks

34w 3d appointment...

It has been an eventful day at our house.....

Hubs is working from home in order to let his poison oak wounds breathe. He made a second appointment with the doctor this morning and was on the receiving end of a needle to the rear- he now has steroids on board  so hopefully he will be healing soon.

I had an OB appointment. She did a quick bedside ultrasound and it looks like Baby B has found himself in an even more undesirable position than before. Not only is he transverse, he also has his back facing down -meaning all of his 'handles' for an extraction (if necessary) are hidden. I'm ok with it, we had already decided that a c-section was the best choice for us and our boys, so this was really just confirmation. 

I had my group B strep swab- no big deal, just a simple swab. It likely will not really matter either way because we are planning on a c-section.  

Since I was already undressed from the waist down (back to these appointments?) she went ahead and checked my cervix. 1cm dilated and about 80% effaced.

I had my t-dap injection today- again, no biggy. 

Today the doctor said to keep in mind it is considered average for a twin pregnancy to result in birth around 35 weeks. I'll be 35 weeks on Monday- I don't think it will happen that quickly, but she assured me every day/week I make it past Monday is frosting on the cake. 

I made my appointments from here through the end of pregnancy... that is three more appointments. Did you catch that? I will have no more than 3 more weekly appointment- perhaps less. 

We will have one more ultrasound at 37w 3d if I make it that far. This will be to check on the size of the boys and to see how they are doing in there. 

As a whole our OB practice likes to deliver twins at or around 38 weeks. I'll be 38 weeks in just a little more than three weeks! These boys are almost here! 

And now, I better buckle down and finish packing those hospital bags and I think we better find time this weekend to get the car seats installed in the car- H & A could be here any day now!

34 weeks

How Far Along: 34 weeks... most likely 4 weeks or less!

How Big are the Babies? They are each about the size of a butternut squash. As of last Thursday, Baby A was weighing in at 5lbs 3oz and Baby B was 4lbs 14oz- both right around the 50th percentile. 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 28 pounds since retrieval. That is 3 lbs in that last week, so all of you who were impressed last week.... I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be too pretty by the end :)

Maternity Clothes: I'm still trying to remember that I NEED to wear maternity pants in order to hold/support this big belly. When I don't wear maternity pants I feel it later, and it is NOT worth it. 

Movement: There is a lot of movement going on, but it isn't in the form of flips and turns, just stretches and jabs.

Belly button in or out? In-ish and numb! 

What I miss: Living without pelvic pain. The pain is pretty intense at night when I try to roll from one side to another at night. Saturday night I was in so much pain Hubs found me crying in the bathroom. Finally at 4am I bit the bullet and took one Tylenol- that took the edge off just enough to get a couple hours of sleep. OUCH!

Milestones: Finally making some decisions about the birth of these boys, and preparing for the big day!

Food Cravings: Taco pizza, Chinese food and ice cream cake- I ate them all- that may help explain that 3 lbs!

Aversions: Eggs..... I'm just totally avoiding them at this point. I don't even try anymore.

Symptoms:  Exhaustion, very tightly stretched sore belly skin, numb belly button, leg cramps, lots of pelvic pain, lots of general soreness and a very small amount of hand and foot swelling after weeding for a couple hours on Saturday.
Best Moment this week: Getting to see the boys again this week. Even if it was one big bag of jumbled mess in there, it is always nice to peek in at the boys just to see they are growing and have two little beating hearts. 

Funny Moment: Nothing too funny this week- just life as usual!

Tip of the Week: Support your belly as you reach the end of pregnancy. Also, weeding for 2 hours isn't a task for someone who is 34 weeks pregnant... let alone carrying twins.
What I'm looking forward to: Meeting our boys! Its crazy that we are getting really, really close. I am hoping I'm able to hold out for a couple more weeks, for both baby growing and husband healing. Hubs managed to get poison oak/ivy/something last weekend and it has spread to several places on his body including his face. He is now TERRIFIED he isn't going to heal before I have the boys and he wont be able to love on them.