Sunday, September 9, 2012

Over-sharing...

The title: If you don't have anything nice to say about twin parenting... keep your mouth SHUT, and other unsolicited advice, seemed a bit long, but that is what this post really should be called.

If you've ever shared with someone that through fertility treatments you may be BLESSED with multiples, been pregnant with multiples or had the pleasure of giving birth to multiples you've surely heard some comments about what your life will undoubtedly be like. Some of these comments will have come from people who've parented twins and some will come from people trying to 'help' who  really have no idea what they are talking about. In both situations, the ass-vice is generally not super helpful. 

I heard a lot of this while I was still pregnant with the boys. I usually just took it with a smile and walked away giving it very little thought. My first dose of post-pregnancy twin 'wisdom' came from the OB who discharged me from the hospital. When she came into my room on that Saturday morning, her first comment was 'are you sure you want to go home?' After we assured her that we were ready, she proceeded to lay out for me how my life was over. You see, she herself has twins, so she surely knows exactly what life if going to look like for us. Not only did she share that her twins have NEVER gotten any easier and they are now 2.5 years old, but also that I'd likely never sleep again. She told me that she 'usually' is still happy she had them. I know some of what she said was in jest, but what ever happened to building each other up as mothers? I'm the first to admit that I appreciate some honesty- even when it isn't what I'd like to hear, but to stand there and tell a woman who is preparing to take her twins home how HORRIBLE it is going to be? Probably not super helpful. 

I'm thankful that my attitude toward having twins has always been- I may have my hands full, but my heart will be equally full. I can't even imagine how defeated I would have felt if I wasn't able to listen to her and laugh as she left the room. 

Let this be a reminder to both myself and to you... If you can't encourage (or occasionally commiserate) with another mother, just keep your mouth shut. 

8 comments:

KC said...

Seriously, people need to think before they speak. I don't even know what people want us to respond with. Something along the lines of "I am screwed" I am sure. Plus most of them don't have twins so how the heck do they know what it is like. I actually find it ridiculous, my life is busy but amazing. I sleep just fine, thank you very much. Do they want us to give one of the babies away? I always get the warning when they hear I have two boys, guess I should chop off a penis or two.

E and R said...

I think people tend to over share regardless of whether it is with a singleton or multiples. The 'you will never sleep again' and 'your life will never be the same' seem to be staples. Though I am sure you hear even more than those of us with just one baby. What they don't tell you is that while your life will never be the same - it will be even BETTER than it was before you had kids. The unsolicited advice is never ending - and it drives me crazy at times: one lady was harassing me for not having socks on Lexi, I didn't think she needed them and ended up telling the lady "she's fine" - not very nicely, unfortunately as she just wouldn't let it go. Learning to smile and say thanks, I will think about that, and walking away is something I need to master!

Joys Truly said...

I so agree with this! I am so tired right now about hearing advice or discussion about things I have already chosen to do. Just cause your kids are a certain way does not necessarily mean my kids will be. I'm not saying I am naive enough to believe raising kids is going to be easy or a walk in the park because they are my kids but people need to allow us to have our OWN experience, not assume it is going to be theirs. SO ANNOYING. And I am right their with you with the keep your mouth shut theory.

Well I am encouraging you right here. I hope you are loving every moment and if need be allowing yourself to scream if it gets hard. Thank God for the blog world to get these feelings out!

Michele said...

My close friend has BG twins that were born 3 months premature. They are now 6 months old. She says that is tough but do-able and she is willing to take any help she can get. Who am I if not someone to go over and help hold babies (she refuses other types of help, mostly she enjoys the adult company).

I'm sure that I too am guilty of giving some ass-vice. But gosh, twins are so common these days it can't be that bad.

Anonymous said...

Amen sister....

millionbabysteps said...

Congrats on your boys! I can't wait to hear more about them! I can only imagine what a challenge two babies would be, but I think better hands full than empty ANY day. I'm sorry that you are hearing this negativity - I don't know what possesses people to say those things! Love that you are so positive about it, it will all work out for you. And my gf has 2.5 yr old twins who take 2 hour naps every day and have slept 12 hour nights since 6 months old - so it is possible!!

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm not going to lie, the first six months are though, but you'll survive just like we did and every other parents of multiples. It's start getting easier and easier as the months pass. My twins are now 2, and they are a lot of fun, and they have been sleeping throught the night since they were 9 months old (except when sick of course). So don't worry, you will sleep again. Just take it one day at the time. Get some help from family if you can, go out alone with hubby for a quick dinner whenever you can, and you'll get throught the first 6 months no problem. Good luck!

browning2222 said...

I am so glad that you have a positive attitude. Peoples comments are so rude, as I said in my last post people do not have filters anymore.