I have a nursery. In my house there is a room that is specifically for babies. Not just any babies, not hypothetical someday babies.... OUR baby boys!
The feeling happened when we cleaned out their room. It happened again when we bought a dresser/changer for them, when we painted their room and it happened again this week when I placed the order for their cribs and mattresses. They will be arriving Thursday and at that point I will have cribs in my house. For babies that are mine. For Andrew and Henry.
Did I tell you I almost started crying over the weekend when we were on our way to create our baby registry? I probably would have been fine if I hadn't looked at my husband and said how happy I was, and how I wondered for so long if this was something we'd ever get to do.
In the last several weeks I've been soaking in the happy. The true happiness that my little heart has been flooded with in the last 20 weeks, well, I guess maybe 16 weeks. I've said it to my husband over and over and thought it probably everyday. Happy feels SO good. I had forgotten this feeling. I can't say that I wasn't ever happy during all the trials of that last 3.5 years, but I can say for certain it wasn't like this. I didn't wake up every morning sore and exhausted, but still smiling and thrilled about our future. There were moments of happiness, but it if someone where to ask how I was, I wouldn't have answered with happy. Now I'm a lot of things... sore, tired, feeling huge but more than anything else, I'm deliriously happy.