Stim Day 6...

Those are nice, huh? They even go all the way up to the knee!

Six days in, and it is time for another ultrasound and more blood work.

Today we saw 10 on the right side, 11mm being the largest. On the left there were 11 (only 6 that will likely be mature at ER) and 12.5mm was the largest. My lining is nice and thick at 9.5mm, it was only 7.5 at this stage last time! I'll go back on Friday for another ultrasound and more blood work.

There was a little comedy in the ultrasound room this morning. When my doctor came into the room to do the ultrasound she grabbed the ultrasound gel to prep the wand and sprayed it all over herself. We all laughed and she likened her situation to the one portrayed in 'Something about Mary'... hilarious. We all laughed and agreed that ultrasound gel would be better than the alternative. Next, I nearly kicked her in the face while assuming the position and she called herself a few names. This is why I love my doctor- we are totally on the same wave length. She is the perfect mix of serious and comical.

Hubs has been concerned about the placement of the circles for my IM men.opur injections. I asked about it today, and it was decided that while it was probably fine, we'd let him win this one and move them down just a tad. So, in case you're wondering, I have all kinds of sharpie marks on my back/rear right now.

Depending on my E2 level, we'll see where my follistim dose goes. I'm not even pretending to know what they'll do with it at this point! If I had to guess I'd think if it isn't decreased today, it will be on Friday. ** E2 came back at 700, so we're decreasing the dose to 100iu of Follistim instead of 150.**

I'm still feeling pretty good, tired and more bloated with the day, but overall there isn't too much pain or heaviness just yet. I really wish I liked protein more because I know it would help, for now the Gatorade will have to do!

I watched Biggest Loser this morning... I bet you can guess how that one ended. Really, was it necessary to reunite them with their spouses today? It was nearly more than I could take. 

Stim Day 5...

First, thanks to everyone who has given me the Liebster blog award. I am typically pretty crappy at playing along with these awards- and it seems as though pretty much everyone I follow has already received it!

I'm five days in, and boy can I feel it. My energy level is taking a nose dive and my mid-section is in a bit of turmoil. I've been interested in how this cycle matches up to the last, so here are the findings so far....

• At suppression: More follies present for IVF #1. Ovaries looked less 'PCOS-y' for IVF#2.
• I started on the same dose of menopur, but DOUBLE the dose of follistim. 
• In terms of total doses of follistim, I am currently about to days ahead of where I was last time. However, the plan is to work in the opposite direction as we did last time, tapering down instead of up. The hope is more mature eggs than last time. 
• The calm feeling remains. I'm not overly worried about anything. I have no idea what my E2 level was yesterday, and I am 100% ok with it. 
• I've started the precautionary OHSS diet earlier this time around. As soon as I felt any bloating I started drinking Gatorade, trying to be better about getting plenty of protein and cut back on the carbs and sugar. So far, it has helped relieve the bloating significantly and hopefully it will keep me in the clear after retrieval. 
• I weigh about 20 pounds less than I did for IVF#1.
• The random crying is similar to last time. Most of the time it is somewhat predictable, but sometimes it is 100% random. This morning I was watching a TV show, and though it was touching, it wasn't worthy of tears, so there I sat crying... and laughing at myself for crying. Nothing says irrational like a hormonal woman.
• Lemonade Gatorade is still my favorite flavor. For now. 
• Follistim stings A LOT more than it did last time. 

I'm currently setting up Netflix for bed rest.... what should I add??

So much to say...

I have approximately one million things to say, so here they are in no particular order....

Today is stim day four. I'm starting to feel bloated and sore-ish. And the bruises- they're annoying!

We cut down our christmas tree over the weekend- hopefully I'll have it decorated by the end of the day.

I had lunch with E today- I'm already totally bummed that she is moving away next year!

Monitoring appointment #1 was today. It looks like we have about 20 possible contenders. The largest was about 9mm and my lining was 5.5 with a triple stripe. So far so good! I heard back from the nurse after my blood work came back. She said the levels looked great, so we're keeping at the same dose (1 vial menopur and 150iu of foll.istim). I'm back in the office Wednesday and Friday for ultrasounds and blood work.

I think I missed the boat on exercise during stims. I was hoping to make a couple more trips to the gym, but I have a feeling that ship has sailed.

We bought a fraction of a cow... I'm a recovering vegetarian. In a typical week we eat beef maybe once or twice. I have a feeling that is about to change. What exactly is a person supposed to do with cube steak?

I hate it when there isn't enough left in your foll.istim cartridge for your whole dose. Two pokes=two bruises. Lame.

When I arrived home from our thanksgiving travels I had a package waiting on my doorstep from Janet! She sent me some seriously rad socks and her favorite book! What a fun and thoughtful little surprise! Thanks, Janet!!!!

I've started drinking Gatorade to combat the bloat, so far it is not that bad. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune a couple weeks from now. So far light blue and red are winners.

I got to snuggle with my nephews over the holiday- I love those boys!!!

I didn't witness a single black Friday fight! I did manage to find some good deals, but I didn't buy a single thing for anyone other than us. I scored some new sheets, jeans and a movie. I'm saving the nice new sheets for bed rest!

We managed the injection without letting on what we were up to. We just decided to take it early (5am) before I had to meet up with my Mom and SILs for shopping at 530. Since then, we've slowly pushed the time later and now we're up to our usual morning injection time of 6am.

Here's a picture of today's socks:

I got the results back from the pap with my new OB/gyn- everything is normal in there. Well,at least as far as that us concerned.

I had a dream over the weekend that I gave birth to a baby girl. She was perfect in every way, even if she was 27 inches long at birth!

Suppression Socks...

I thought I should post a picture of my socks from last week's suppression check before Monday's monitoring appointment!

Otherwise, we're just plugging along with stims- currently on day three. We'll see on Monday what is happening in there- I'm guessing we're about one week away from triggering. My abdomen is already feeling bloated. The men.opur is stinging WAY more than it did last time, but we are getting through it. I'm just glad I'm only taking one vial!!!!

I take it back...

Uhhh, guess who spoke too soon? My nurse called this afternoon I'm starting stims on Friday instead of Saturday. Which in the long run could be great news (I'll explain when I'm not typing on my phone) but for now, it really eff's with my black Friday mojo.

I'm sure I'll figure something out. How exactly do I explain needing to see my husband privately for 10 minutes at 6:30am when no one knows we're doing IVF? I'll let you know what I come up with!

Suppressed!

I had my suppression check this morning with one of the other doctors in the practice. I saw him several times while my doctor was on maternity leave last spring and we had a few comical run ins-  here and here. Thankfully nothing crazy happened today, just an ultrasound that showed suppressed ovaries and follies that were begging to be stimulated. Or something like that.

My ovaries looked a little different today- dare I say less PCOS-y than usual?!? There were about 9 follies on each side that were measuring somewhere in the realm of 6-7.5mm. My lining was 3mm. As I was writing this, the nurse called and said my E2 was nice and low at 32. So over all, there look to be fewer follicles from the start this time. But, I also know that my doctor counts ALL of the follicles at the suppression check and I'm not sure the doctor I saw today was counting the tiny ones. Either way, there are plenty!

Once all was said and done, ultrasound...blood draw...tats drawn on my hips, I had the pleasure of racking up some airline miles for what will surely be a baby-moon in the near future. And by this, I mean I paid for our cycle. And it was painful.

We're still set to start stims on Saturday morning, because it would be un-holy to make me rearrange my Black Friday shopping plans for something silly like a needle being shoved into my hip. This my friends, is why I LOVE my nurse!

Are you getting up at the crack of dawn and shopping on Friday? I'm waiting to hear my SIL's plan of attack and I'm kind of crossing my fingers that it doesn't start at midnight! Though, nothing says holiday cheer like watching a couple of women fight over a pillow pet  in the wee morning hours. I'm sure I'll be back with stories!


3 days until we start stims.
5 days until my first monitoring appointment!

I have a picture of my socks today but I can't seem to get it to upload... maybe I can share it over the weekend!

Sometimes I'd like to...

...throw bricks at stupid peoples' faces. Ok, so maybe that is kinda harsh, but have you seen this little gem on Facebook?

IS EXPECTING!!!!!!! 6 weeks!! I know it's crazy ain't it? I can't believe it myself! I wasn't going to put it on here but wanted to make it official. I mean who would have guessed that we're expecting! Yup, its official.... we are expecting Santa in just 6 weeks!!!

Last night when I couldn't sleep it seemed like a good idea to open facebook on my phone... WRONG! The person who posted this has already gotten pregnant twice and birthed two babies in the time we've been trying to get pregnant... and the youngest is nearly ONE! Why do people think fake pregnancy announcements are so funny? 

But, I'm not bitter. Not.at.all. 

Nor am I hormonal. 

Just for the record. 

10 points for EVERYONE...

You guys crack me up.. you were all right- Gardasil. My college roommate and I were constantly singing that little jingle!

In other news, well there isn't much. Still waiting. It appears that my period is considering showing up in a timely manner after taking my last BCP on Friday. Normally, it takes  longer so I'm still skeptical. Either way, I'll have my suppression check on Wednesday and then we'll start stims bright and early Saturday morning. Less than a week away!

I got a bill from my clinic over the weekend. I looked at the dang thing like 20 times trying to figure it out, but it just didn't add up. It wasn't until this morning that I figured out it wasn't actually a bill, it was a credit. I think I'll be thankful for that this Thanksgiving :) Try not to be too jealous, it is only for $42.

I got some fun socks in the mail over the weekend from a sweet bloggy friend- I'll be sure to post a picture when I wear them! Thanks, Jessica!!

One Less...

In case you were wondering, I took my last birth control pill yesterday. Looking at that empty package was a pretty great feeling, but even better was deleting the alarm to take that pill. Between the things I was taking prior to IVF (met.formin x3 & thyroid medication) and those that go hand in hand with IVF, my phone is constantly buzzing reminding me to take something. One less.

O-N-E-L-E-S-S.. I wanna be one less. One less.

10 points to the first person who can name that ad.

Greeeaaat, now it is stuck in my head.

Infertile or Bi-polar?

Let me set the scene...

I arrived at the gym yesterday afternoon to squeeze in a quick workout. I wasn't at all interested in being there, but I managed to press on and hop up onto an elliptical for a quick 30 minute workout. Upon getting settled I open up my blog reader app and notice this comical little post from JM. I start laughing out loud as I'm reading. What began as just giggling over her poem transitioned to a full laugh when I read this...

"Today I took my last birth control pill. Quite the exciting swallow. (that's what she said) (yes I'm mature enough to parent) (or at least i will be in 9 months)"

The room was silent.. well except me, the one cracking up. People were staring, it was awkward. This alone wouldn't have been so noteworthy without what came immediately following my recovery from laughing. After putting my phone down and uncoiling my headphones, I plugged in and began watching one of the many TVs. First up, a family being surprised by their soldier father returning home. Seriously, I went from the one cracking up in the corner, to the one with a single tear rolling down her face in a matter of about 60 seconds. Thank you lu.pron. I quickly pulled the plug on that one and refused to even look in the general direction of that TV for the remainder of my workout. I'm pretty sure everyone in the room is now convinced that I'm bipolar or something. 

Scattered...

I don't have anything cohesive to say today so, as usual, its a list kind of day...

• I went to the gym twice yesterday- 7 miles and over a thousand calories. Who am I?
• ONE.MORE.BCP
• Christmas gift wrapping starts this weekend- I can't wait!
• Doxy.cycline makes me sick every freaking day. Next Wednesday can not come quick enough.
• I finally did some sewing today that had been in my to-do pile for weeks. 
• I just had the most pleasant call with my insurance company EVER. The rep not only spoke English, he also knew how to use his computer and I'm fairly certain had been educated past the 8th grade... AND he told me exactly what I wanted to hear which always helps :) Thanks, TJ!
• The injection tally is up to 3 at this point- only one bruise and two tiny red dots on my belly. 
• I wish the laundry fairy would come to my house. We used to be able to go weeks between laundry days if we wanted because I had a ridiculous amount of clothing. Now that I've packed up 4 huge tubs of clothes that no longer fit, laundry is more of a pressing issue- lame. 

Well, that was more boring that I anticipated. You can count on a celebratory post tomorrow after I swallow that last BCP!!

Going Postal...

I did something yesterday that I really have been meaning to do for a VERY long time... I sent off some love (via snail mail) to some sweet blogger friends of mine. Three of them will be doing their very first (and hopefully last) IVF cycle around the same time I am cycling, and the other will be doing an FET right along side us.

It was not without comedy that it all fell into place. I was dead set on sewing up these super cute corner book marks that I'd seen on Pinterest.. lets just say what looked simple was not and by the time I'd finished one I kinda wanted to throw my sewing machine out the window. In other words- there are no freshly sewn book marks in those packages! Oh, your wondering what I did with the one that I did make? Yeah, I kept it. I'm selfish like that.

Next, it was off to the post office to send said packages. The first three were relatively simple, minus the postal worker that just barely spoke English. She asked me questions over and over and I just stood there with a blank stare. I guess it is true what they say about 'use it or lose it'-- I am a certified English as a second language teacher, and usually pride myself on being able to figure out what both young speakers and non-native English speakers are saying- today, not so much. Perhaps it is the hiatus I've taken from teaching.  The third envelope was the real treat though. I've never sent anything to Canada before, lets start there. I pretty much felt like I had to give this woman my life story, tell her exactly what was in the package and then sign my life away all while having nearly no idea what words were coming out of her mouth. Train wreck.

With that said-  I hope they find you all sometime in the midst of your cycles! I really have no idea when they'll arrive because my trusty friend at the post office wasn't so hot with numbers. To her '2-4 days' was the same as 'a couple weeks' so, your guess is as good as mine! And the one coming to Canada, well perhaps it will arrive by spring :)

You forget the little things...

... well, and perhaps the big things too, I'm just not there yet to notice.

Lup.ron effing stings... like a lot.

Sure it only lasts a few minutes, but I had forgotten and it caught me off guard. I remembered that I hadn't loved doing that specific injection- but really, what injection did I love doing? We are one injection into this process, its the point of no return. I know time is about to start rushing by, and it will be Christmas before I know it. At which point, we will be celebrating with a tiny babe growing inside of me... I just know it!

Read, Set, GO!

• It has officially started. We swallowed the first of the antibiotics this morning- and I promptly got a stomachache. I can't seem to remember if it bothered me that last time around- oh, well there isn't much I can do about it! 
• We did a little more Christmas shopping yesterday afternoon. We have TWO more gifts to buy!
• I did some serious cleaning/redecorating in our bedroom yesterday- next up, master bathroom and living room. 
• It is cold and rainy here today- I have a feeling hot cocoa and some sewing catch-up are in my near future.
• All of our family lives out of town, so we'll be traveling for Thanksgiving- thankfully before stimulation begins. This means there is NO reason I can't decorate for Christmas before we leave. I love coming home from Thanksgiving and jumping right into Christmas!
• I'm looking for a good book to read during bed rest... recommendations please!
• I'm what I like to call a recovering vegetarian. I eat meat now, but I don't love it. Knowing that I'll likely need to adopt a low carb/high protein diet because of possible OHSS I need some new meal ideas- preferably something I could make ahead....  anyone?
• The Pinterest app on my phone is messed up... anyone else having trouble with it? When I try to pin something none of my boards are there. Lame.

Preparing...

Just like our first IVF cycle, I have high hopes of getting things pretty well in order before our cycle starts. This week will be full of deep cleaning the house, preparing for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and being a little more proactive about figuring out meals for when I'm on bed rest. 

Since I'm currently not working, I am fully able to take it easy when the stim drug side effects set in, and to lay low for a few extra days after the retrieval and transfer. However, I'm also a huge perfectionist when it comes to holiday gift giving. Enter stress- which I really try to keep to a minimum during treatment cycles. For this reason, we finished about 90% of our Christmas shopping this weekend and we are fairly set on what else we need to pick up- all easy to find, and all things the hubs could pick up if needed. 

Originally I was worried about how stressful it could be doing a cycle between the two holidays, but I've since realized that it is actually perfect timing for all that laying around-- Christmas movies galore! We're planning to go chop down our Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend so that will be out of the way and I'm sure the house will be fully decorated that weekend as well. Nothing like laying on the sofa, watching Christmas movies while on bed rest- the Christmas cheer should dissolve the cycle's stress and worry, right?!?!

It feels crazy that we're kicking off our calendar TOMORROW! We'll both start our antibiotics and I'll also begin taking a low dose steroid, lup.ron and an aspirin. By Friday I'll be done with BCPs and we'll be about a week out from stims. When we made our plan in August for this cycle it felt so far away, and while it was, time has passed super quickly- I can't believe we're about to do another cycle. I keep wondering how 'clearly' I remember last cycle. I know partially I'm sugar coating what its like in my mind because I know first hand how worth it is to see those two pink lines and know that you are pregnant- even if only for a few short days or weeks. So I'll just keep up with that thinking- no matter what, its worth it!  

Nurse Awesomeness...

There is nothing quite like a pap-smear to wake you up in the morning. Its funny to see an OB/GYN after a year of fertility treatments. I mean I get it, most women don't spend a significant amount of time with their pants off and feet in the stir-ups, but this girl does- so, a little swab of the cervix doesn't even phase me. It was funny when the nurse was telling me that I'd meet the doctor before I changed into the gown/sheet 'because no one wants to meet somebody for the first time naked' all I could think was... oh, if you only knew lady! 

I ended up really liking my new doctor. She is super relaxed and doesn't have much to say. I'm sure if I'd had a bunch of questions for her she would have had plenty of answers, but the truth is, I know an awful lot about my lady bits and see them on the ultra sound screen frequently. Her nurse on the other hand makes up for her calm and collected nature. She is crazy and has lots to say. We talked about doctors recognizing people by things other than their face... hilarious! That, and she had teased hair... like four inches worth all around her head. She is RAD. 

I'm so thankful that is out of the way and now I know who we'll use once we finally get pregnant and are released from our RE!

In other news one more week of BCPs, and I only have three more evenings free of syringes and needles- Lets do this!!!

Get Outta My Head...

I've been having some absurd dreams lately. The first couple were just pain outrageous and left me thinking about carnies when I woke up in the morning. Last night's dream was about our egg retrieval.

You may remember that during our first IVF cycle I had a recurring dream about my doctor showing up to my ER wearing flannel pj's with kittens on them- I'm hoping this new dream doesn't become a staple of my dreamy state. At least the last one was kinda funny- this one was just concerning.

In my dream Hubs decides that he doesn't want to go with me to the ER (NOT acceptable!) so I asked my parents to go instead. Keep in mind my parents don't even know that we're starting another cycle right now- and my mother is WAY too high strung to be in attendance at my ER/ET- no way, no how. In addition to it being totally weird that my parents were there, I had the nurse from HELL. She knew absolutely nothing about the IVF process and didn't think it was a big deal that I had no idea how many eggs were collected. Then, although  I've done this before, I think that it would be important for them to go over the post-ER restrictions- they didn't agree. So weird.

I woke up this morning VERY thankful to be in my bed with my alarm buzzing on my nightstand. I know that none of those things would ever happen, but that doesn't mean it doesn't mess with my stress level a little bit.

In more exciting news... 8 more BCPs! I'm oddly excited to start injecting myself with lu.pron on Monday- I know that sounds odd, but I'm well aware how quickly things start moving at that point!!!

I have my annual tomorrow with the doctor we are hoping to use for OB care in the near future- I'm sure I'll be back here with an opinion mid-morning.... because, I always have an opinion!

Rolling...

I feel like its been days since I was here unloading my thoughts, feelings, and general observations out onto the internet. Blogging used to be such a release for me- a way to work through all of the thoughts/feelings/discomfort I was facing. Lately there just hasn't been much to unload. I suppose that is a good thing.

Life has just been rolling along. There has been some baby gift sewing, Christmas gift brainstorming, lots of trips to the gym, a fair amount of Christmas music, pinterest obsessing and IVF preparing.... and by IVF preparing, I mean supporting my sock habit, and purchasing ample amounts of Gatorade.

 I'm sure there will be more to say in the coming days... here's whats on the horizon-

• Friday: Annual Exam with new OB/GYN
• Saturday: Christmas shopping extravaganza with Hubs! It's our goal to be mostly done with our shopping by the time we start stims two days after Thanksgiving.
• Sunday: A few projects at home.
• Monday: The calendar begins- lupron, doxy, and dex.
• Next Friday: Last BCP
• Following Wednesday: Suppression Check

Life is about to get A LOT more interesting... and BUSY! Here we go!!!

Perfectly Mine...

Last weekend I had an opportunity to give a little advice on the art of speaking with someone who is struggling. It was mere hours after I posted about the delicate dance of letting someone know how much you care about them, and trying to 'fix' their problems.

I stressed to this person that while it is certainly important to acknowledge the hurt and suffering the other person is feeling, it is also important to just meet them there without trying to make it better. Especially when the pain is fresh.

I know there are comments that have been made to me that I will likely NEVER forget. They came in hard moments and were from people who I'd never expect to say them, but they did. I hate that for the most part they likely were not at all meant to hurt, but no matter their intent, they hurt and are forever stamped on my heart. I've forgiven these people for the hurt, but I think it is important for me to remember these hurts in an effort to not do the same to someone else.

I share this all, because I think we are all quick to want to say the right thing. As I listened to this person make a phone call to the person who was struggling I felt like she did an amazing job of meeting the struggling person in the hurt, until the end of the call. She said something that I don't think I'll ever forget. She didn't mean it the way it sounded, and thankfully the person on the other end of the line totally called her on it, but it drives home the point- don't assume you know what to say. Don't assume that the flowery, rainbows and unicorns sentiments are helpful or hopeful. This simply isn't true. Sometimes a person finds themselves in an extremely painful and helpless situation- one in which there is a very slim chance things will turn out OK. And in those moments, sorry is really the only appropriate thing to say.

Though I hurt for the person on the other end of the phone that evening, I also took something away from that horribly placed comment. As I sat thinking about what she could have or should have said, I made a realization of my own. Though the hand I've been dealt has not always been fun or easy, it is mine. This is my life and while it isn't perfect, it IS mine. Just like that baby that hurting mama is carrying is HERS. A baby that will endure surgery upon surgery, and potentially eventually need an organ transplant. And, while she may not be 'perfect' in health, she WILL be perfectly theirs. 

Just for you, Megan!

I do keep my 'stirup socks' in this drawer too, so those are just a few options laying off to the side. On the top end is a big sharps container, then the ever lovely suppositories, foll.istim pen, men.opur, all of the IVF associated pills, the trigger shot, lu.pron, vitamins, and at the lower end are about a million syringes, needles, alcohol swabs, gauze pads... and maybe a pregnancy test or two. But, in my defense the HPTS are left over from the one I had to take before pro.vera in September.

So there you have it... a drawer full of drugs- try not to let it freak you out too much!

Another step closer...

Needles, syringes, suppositories, OH MY! 

They are here! I went and picked up a giant bag of fertility drugs today and got them all organized in my drug drawer. Is it weird that I have an entire drawer FILLED with IVF drugs? I did have a few odds and ends leftover from my last cycle, so it looks worse in there than it actually is... but still it is A LOT! Thankfully the cost of the drugs was pretty painless, which makes walking away with like 60 needles a little less breathtaking! 

The countdown is on.....

Start lu.pron in 12 days

Last BCP in 16 days

Suppression check in 21 days

Start stims in 24 days