Thursday, October 6, 2011

White Lies...

As you all know, when we started the IVF process we shared our journey with our parents. We told them about the struggles we'd already faced, and what was ahead of us. For the most part it was a good thing. It was nice to know that we'd never have to hear things like "when are you going to start a family" ever again, and for only that, it was worth it. However, something about sharing every intimate piece of that process didn't ever sit all that well with me. I never really felt like they cared enough to plug those three little letters into google and figure out just exactly what we were facing. It hurt my feelings that they didn't know how to care and be supportive in the ways that I wanted and needed. And to me, that wasn't something that I needed to teach them while I was just trying to keep my head above water.

When we found out that our cycle was likely going to collide with Thanksgiving we each made comments to our families about perhaps not being at the festivities. To both we made it clear that it had to do with trying again. I didn't love the idea of sharing this information, but it seemed necessary. Now that we have our calendar, and know that I'm not going to be on bed rest over the holiday we've told our parents that we'll be around for Thanksgiving. We also told them that we've "pushed things out" and are taking a little break. 
True, we are taking a little break.... a little over seven weeks until we start stims, and the ER/ET that we thought might interfere with Thanksgiving will be pushed back by about a week or two. 

We also aren't sure what we are going to do at the end of this cycle. If we'll share the good news right away (power of positive thinking!!) or if we'll keep it to ourselves a little longer this time. Either way, we want to make the choice when the time comes and not feel like we need to share because our families are waiting. 

So, at this point you all are the only people who know, and I'm pretty sure that is how it is going to remain. I don't think I'm going to share it with any of my girlfriends either. I figure the process will be a lot easier this time. I know what to expect. I know the process. Now it will just be a matter of navigating it all and staying hopeful that our outcome will be a healthy pregnancy and a sweet baby or two!

8 comments:

Stephanie said...

I think it does add extra stress when family and friends know your every move. Even though they try and be supportive, they may not always say just the right things at the right time so I say do what's best for you. I think I would do the same thing in keeping quiet.

annoyed army wife said...

I was totally hoping our cycle (or if needed cycles) would make it impossible to travel for the holidays, but that's a whole other tangent. It is a hard decision to share or not share and who to share or not share with. If I do another cycle I think I'll be a bit more vague with everything. It is nice to have an anonymous blog to share until my heart's content, however. :)

Good luck with your upcoming cycle!

Diana said...

ahhhhh this is why we didn't say anything to our families about sperm donor. I knew they wouldn't understand. :/

How exciting though! Wishing u the best IVF everrrrrr!!! :)

Jessica said...

I think its nice that you and your husband will have your own little secret! :)

I also know exactly how you feel. Although my parents have been very supportive they seem to ask me the same questions over and over again. It makes me feel like they are not really listening. Its hurtful without them even knowing it.

House of Duffy said...

I wish our families would understand like our fellow infertile friends did! Wouldn't that be nice? As for me, coming out with it to my family still hasn't insured that I don't get the "when are you going to have kids" question. :(

J said...

I so totally understand what you mean about the white lies. My husband and I are contemplating one for Christmas. I just don't think I can bear this holiday at my parent's house while my younger is sis is pregnant and showing. This is my parent's first grandchild and they are thrilled, I just don't think we can bear to put ourselves in that place. Mind you, this news of my sister's pregnancy already "ruined" our family summer vacation to Ireland...so here we are contemplating the white lie as well. BTW - I am pretty sure you and I will have similar timelines for our IVFs. This will be my first.

L said...

We were really vague with our families about our timeline too. I didn't want the added stress of them getting their hopes up each month too. I was also shocked at how many inappropriate questions my inlaws asked us. I mean, it's not that hard to use google, is it?

Best of luck with this cycle!

Tiffany said...

I completely understand not wanting to tell your family. When we were going through our thing, my mom knew a little if what was going on, but she also knew *me* and knew if she'd asked a single question I'd go ape shit on her. So, it was nice to have her there for support, but not be intruding. My hubs parents on the other hand, we kept completely in the dark. His mother is so annoying, and stupid (did I just admit that?) that we knew we could never tell them anything. We didn't even tell them we were wanting a family yet. I think you are making the right decision for you!