About once a month I randomly think to check out my blog archives and see what I was doing the previous year on that date.
One year ago today we found out that our first IUI cycle didn't work. I kinda of remember being sad that day, but mostly I remember turning the other cheek, and getting ready to do it all over again. I was determined.
In the last year, we've faced a few more failures and a short lived success. Since that day, we've done five more IUI cycles, two natural cycles, and and a round of IVF/ICSI. I've received five more phone calls relaying the news that I wasn't pregnant, one telling me I was pregnant, one telling me I might still be pregnant, one with the news that it didn't look good, one saying the pregnancy wasn't viable and to stop taking my meds, one relaying the news that my beta was under ten, and one that it had finally reached zero.
What a difference a year makes.
Even though we are in the same spot... not pregnant, we've learned a great deal about our bodies, and we've faced challenges that seemed unthinkable. We are stronger for it.
On Wednesday I'll take my last birth control pill for our 'rest cycle' and we'll officially our second IVF cycle just a few days later. I'm excited, but it doesn't take away the bit of anxiety that is in the back of my mind thinking- what if it happens again? But, I keep reminding myself I have two choices:
1. Quit because I'm scared
2. Face my fears
If I learned anything from the trials last summer brought, it was that I'm plenty capable of facing my fears, and if it all happens again- I'm also plenty capable of pulling myself back up.