A Reply...

I received a comment on my 'Insensitive' post that I thought deserved a reply. I didn't have a way to reply to the poster specifically, so in hopes that she is reading- Amy, here is your reply! I hope you don't feel like I'm calling you out in anyway- I think your thoughts were well written and I can understand where you're coming from. I just feel like it is really important for me to put out there the feelings that so many of us face.

Amy writes (in black):
That's the thing though--some people really ARE clueless regarding what to say in those types of situations. It may have been insensitive, but it doesn't sound like she was purposely trying to be that way. (Agreed)


Like an earlier commenter said, I think trying to relate in some way is a natural human reaction. She probably doesn't know what to say but wanted to make you feel like you were not alone.The issue I have with this is, when does comparing situations EVER may anyone feel better? And for the record, I was alone, I was the only one who could go through that miscarriage, no one else was going to do it for me. I had to do it. Me. Alone. 


As for the adoption question, maybe she really was sincerely asking? I think most of the time, people who ask that aren't saying it like "OMG here is the greatest idea you've never thought of!" I think people are generally interested in if that's something you've considered. It might come across as insensitive, but I don't think it's inherently meant to be so. Bottom line, it came too soon after the most heartbreaking loss we'd ever experienced. There is a time and place for everything- days after losing your baby is not the time to be asked about adoption. No one wants to think about another baby when they are still grieving the one they just lost.

Having never dealt with a situation such as yours, I find my typical response to this type of tragic event is "I'm so sorry." Is that wrong? Should I be saying something else? No, you are absolutely right to say you're sorry, and honestly I think that is a good place to leave it. You can tell a person you're there for them, and offer a meal or a shoulder if they are ready, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not tell them about your neighbor's sister's brother-in-law who it all worked out for- it is not the time. And no matter what works for someone else, it isn't going to change their situation. I tell people all the time, the best thing you can do for some who is suffering is meet them in the 'suck.' Don't try to dig them out of their pit of despair. Meet them there- be present. 


I can't say that I wouldn't have thought to ask the very same questions she did--I think those types of questions are a natural reaction when you find out someone is having trouble conceiving. Maybe she honestly just wanted to know more about your situation and that's why she asked about adoption? Maybe she's secretly struggling herself & wanted to know what your thought process was? Again, timing is everything. Can we agree that if you just heard about someone's kidney cancer you wouldn't likely just say to them- well there's always donor kidneys. Sure you might eventually ask if that is a possibility, but hopefully in that moment you would just meet them in their heartache and not start throwing out 'fixes' right away. 

This is going to sound like a huge generalization, but in my experience, it seems like people who struggle with infertility expect everyone else to immediately know how they should act, speak, and think about the situation. And as someone on the other side of that, that's not the case. Often, I see posts discussing how stupid "fertiles" are and bemoaning people who celebrate their pregnancies in natural, normal ways, and what jerks they are for doing so. The truth is, I DON'T know what to say. I DON'T know how to act. But I strive to be sensitive and understanding. I don't know that the infertile community thinks everyone should just know how to act around someone who is struggling, but I do think as a whole we expect people to at the very least think before they speak. Telling us that you'd gladly give us one of your children- not helpful. Telling us that we're "lucky" we are able to sleep in because we don't have kids- not helpful. Again, but being present as a friend/sister is the most comforting thing you can do. Google is a great resource- don't expect your friends or family who are going though IVF or the like, to explain the entire process to you. Knowledge is power, and it will feel great to the person that you're supporting if you've taken the initiative to find out what they are going though.  


And yet, I still think if you are able to get pregnant, with the help of drugs or not, you deserve to celebrate that whole-heartedly. Absolutely! 


I think sometimes that understanding and sensitivity that's wanted by people struggling with infertility could go both ways.  I have to say, I think it does. Though I often vent about 'fertiles' on my personal blog as I would in a journal- more often than not I just allow the words and actions of others to just roll off my back. I get that there is absolutely NO WAY to understand the heartache if you've never been there. More importantly, people who are dealing with infertility are suffering from a DISEASE and grieving the loss of many things in the process. Theses individuals are likely not concerned about how THEIR infertility is making OTHERS feel.


I've posted this link before- and I'm posting it again because I think it is perfectly written. 

What infertile couples want and need

A little of this, and a little of that...

I started birth control on Wednesday and I'm already counting down the days until it is over... 22.

In reference to yesterdays post- Don't get me wrong, I do think her comments were well meaning. And I can understand wanting to make a connection with people, especially when they are hurting. It all was just a lot too soon, and not at all in a sensitive manner. But, that is kind of the way she is... words coming out with zero thought.

I scheduled my suppression check and it just so happens my doctor is going to be out that day. However I was able to get an appointment with my second favorite doctor. I'm just hoping my favorite nurse will be in (its the day before Thanksgiving) to draw some targets on my rear, because I don't drop my pants for just anyone. Who am I kidding, I totally do. Ahhhhh, infertility. 

I FINALLY made an appointment with the OBGYN we hope to use for prenatal care once I finally get/stay pregnant. I had previously been seeing a NP at a women's care clinic about twenty-five minutes away. We now live less than a mile from a great (but small) hospital, and assume we will deliver there provided it is a normal (read: not multiple or otherwise high risk) pregnancy. The doctor we are seeing has rights at this small hospital as well as the large university hospital near by. I do really hate seeing new doctors though. I hope I like her, because I'd hate to do this all over again! 

I've made it to the weight that my doctor wanted me to be prior to this next round of IVF. It was in no way a stipulation on treatment, more a suggestion, but I'm glad I'm there. This also makes me about 2lbs. away from a VERY large goal that I NEVER thought I'd reach. 

Speaking of weightloss, and I know I've said this before, I'm running out of things to wear. Yesterday, I pulled out the smallest pair of jeans I own. They are from college and haven't fit in literally years, but they are the kind of jeans that have A LOT of good memories, so I've kept them. Well, they totally fit. However, why did I ever think low rise (like ultra low rise) jeans were comfortable? And that wash... wow.

I'm starting to think I have forgotten a little about our last IVF cycle. You know how mothers always say you forget the pain of childbirth over time? I think I've done the same with IVF to a certain extent. I know with everything that I am, that it is worth it- so whatever it takes, I'm all in. Except for one thing. There is one piece that I've not forgotten, and I could certainly do without. It starts with a G and ends with atorade. I've already started stocking up when I've seen it on sale and I have a nice assortment of flavors (I learned that the hard way last time!)  I'm already dreading the countless bottles I will consume. Buuuuuut, it is far better than the alternative (OHSS and a freeze-all situation) so I'll comply. 

And with that... its time for my birth control pill.... 21 more :) 

Insensitive...

Okay, on to the insensitive comment, or was it an insensitive gesture... probably both.

A little back story in bullet points:

• Our parents were the only people in our families to know about our infertility and IVF, except my brother and his girlfriend.
• We told our parents and 3 of our 4 siblings about the pregnancy right away.
• We never had a chance to tell my sister-in-law before we found out things weren't looking so good.
• After we were sure a miscarriage was imminent, hubs called both of our moms and asked them to relay the news to our siblings- cautioning my MIL that SIL didn't even know about the pregnancy.
• Hubs also made it VERY clear on both calls that we had ZERO desire to talk about what happened, and that we'd prefer to be left alone until we were ready.
• For some reason MIL thought that this was a good time to share our infertility with SIL in addition to the miscarriage. But either forgot to mention or didn't stress nearly enough, that this was not something we wanted to talk about.

So, SIL calls hubs (at work no less) and starts talking to him about the miscarriage. Hubs, obviously not wanting to talk about this at work (or at all) gave quick one word answers as she proceeded to shove her foot in her mouth over and over.

"Have you guys thought about adoption?" ...Seriously, I was still bleeding from my miscarriage. At this time the week before I was pregnant! And no, in all three years of trying, adoption NEVER crossed our minds- thank you SO much for the original idea, you're a lifesaver. And PS, adopting a baby is not going to change the fact that we JUST lost a baby that we were already completely in love with.

"We have some friends who adopted from a couple different countries, and all along we just thought they were doing the 'diversified family' thing, turns out they can't have kids." ...Um,okay but if ever we ever make the huge decision to adopt, it would not be in an effort to treat our family like our stock portfolio, thankyouverymuch!

"We've been trying for a long time too, but we haven't seen a doctor or anything. So, I know how it feels" ...Guess what? You don't have any idea how it feels. Unless you've been in these shoes and faced the same things, please don't compare... and even then, it's different.


The first two I find absolutely asinine, while the third makes my blood boil. I do not understand why people think that being able to relate somehow makes it all better. Can you not just tell someone that your sorry and not turn a horrible thing into something about you? Especially when it is really like comparing apples to oranges. I completely understand sharing with someone that you've been there, but if you do... make sure that you really HAVE been there.  Last time I checked, not getting pregnant from unprotected sex is not at all similar to not getting/staying pregnant after investing thousands of dollars and 1.5+ years into fertility drugs and treatments.

Needless to say, although I hate that the hubs had to field a call like that, we are both glad it was him and not me. I would not have been even half as kind as he was, and the holidays would have been very awkward this year. I haven't seen her since the call, and I'm trying really hard to just get over it, but I can't seem to forgive her actions. Perhaps spewing it out on the Internet will be the first step.

A funny story...

Still not the one I promised....

Over the weekend my husband I decided it was time to work in our yard. It had been mildly neglected toward the end of summer as our life seemed to kind of spin out of control, and it was time to get out there and clean up a bit. He raked and mowed and I weeded. At some point I tweaked my back and spent the remainder of the day and part of the next laying on the floor in pain. But, by yesterday evening I was feeling well. This morning I wasn't in any pain at all, but this afternoon it hit like a ton of bricks- extreme pain. I tried laying flat on our hardwood floors, and while it did seem to help while I was laying there, getting up was nearly impossible. My husband suggested that I just sleep there instead of further injuring my back trying to get up. And while that at first seemed like a valid option, I then realized there was an issue with that plan.

A tampon.

His face was priceless when I told him that I wasn't sure how I'd change my tampon from the laying position.

I did finally manage to stand up and take care of business on my own, but for a few minutes there I thought we might be taking our relationship to a whole new disturbingly gross level. I know we've been through A LOT, but that would just be too far!

For better or worse, right?!?

Can't win 'em all...

Turns out blogging about your missing period is all it takes- she was ready and waiting when I woke up this morning. I've called my clinic and we are all set to start our cycle! I'll start birth control on Wednesday and be on it for a whopping 24 days, about a week before that is over I'll start lupron and I'll have my suppression check (AKA, the handing over of my bank account!) the day before Thanksgiving. I can't believe it is already almost November!

The title of this post is in reference to the rest of my morning. Insurance. I have a love hate relationship with it. I actually HATE talking about it on here because I know many of you would love to have my problems if only you'd get a little coverage, but I have to get it off my chest. I've called about the same claim probably 15 or 20 times now, and only today did they tell me how to fix the problem. I'm not exactly happy with the fix, but I'm so over fighting about it that I'll just eat the $163 and be done with it. It is all because of my trial transfer back in May. According to their infertility department it isn't a covered claim- it is to be 'inclusive' with the ER/ET. If I keep the claim and have it paid by the insurance it takes away one of my lifetime ART courses of treatment (because it is billed under the same coding as ET). If I have it removed, I'll have to pay for it out of pocket. It makes me a little angry, but at this point it is the difference of $163 or about $10k.... I think I'll just count my blessings and pay the dang $163. Insurance wins this one.

However, I while I was on the phone with the infertility department (who is IMPOSSIBLE to get through to) I asked a few questions that I'd been wondering about, and low and behold I was very pleased with the answer. Up until this point I'd been under the impression that if we ever had three or more embryos frozen that were of similar stage (in our case, day 6 blasts) then we would have to choose a frozen transfer over a third fresh cycle. This had been worrying me, because I know that we want more than one child and the scenarios were running through my head about what we would do at the end of this cycle depending on the number of embryos that were available to freeze and their grades. It turns out with our plan, it is a choice that will be made by our doctor and us, not the insurance company. I am hoping and praying with all I have that I never have to face another fresh cycle, but if I do, I know now that it is a choice we will be able to make.
........................
We have a fish tank in our guestbedroom/office that is making a horrid sound and I can't possibly sit in here and type out the insensitive-sister-in-law story, so you'll have to wait for another day!

Too controlled?

So, I took my last birth control pill on Wednesday morning, and here I am Sunday evening with not even as much as a single spot. It really doesn't matter too much, I'm pretty sure all it will mean is a few less BCPs as we prepare for this cycle- I was going to be on them a little longer than usual to push us out past the Thanksgiving holiday. But, it is still annoying. I'm hopeful just blogging about it will make it happen, that in addition to a couple hours at the gym in the morning.

Nearly every Thursday I think of the baby we lost. Thursday is the day I would've been another week pregnant, but this week I didn't think about it, and just now when I thought about it, I wasn't sure how many weeks I would've been. Of course I counted, and I'd be 16 weeks. At first it kind of made me sad, but after about two seconds of thought, it made me happy. It makes me know that I really am ready to do this all over again- no matter what. I honestly can't think of anything I wouldn't do for our babies at this point- any amount of pain and heartache will be worth it.

We recently converted the closet in our guest bedroom into a office niche. I'm loving it because it means eventually (read: once I get my act together) there were will be fewer things residing in our soon-to-be nursery. I also love it because our guest bedroom is one of my favorite rooms in the house. I love the decor in there, and that room is always neat and tidy. Its the perfect place to slip away, pay some bills, listen to some tunes and send my thoughts out onto the internet. Nearly the entire back wall of the niche is a bulletin board, and I think I'll fill a portion of it with quotes-- any suggestions?

I'm running out of pants...  Tonight the hubs and I decided that we should probably leave the house for a little bit and when I went to get dressed for a casual dinner I put on my smallest pair of jeans that I recently shrunk on accident and they are fitting kind of loose and are certainly too short for fall. They were ok at the end of summer with flips or cuffed with flats, but I think their days are numbered. I think I'll try to make my other jeans work for a little longer since the stim bloat is just a few weeks away. Then I can re-evaluated after Christmas... and hopefully start considering some maternity pants! Hello elastic waist band :)

As the hubs and I were talking at dinner I realized I had a story for y'all. Did I ever tell you the one about the insensitive sister-in-law just days after our miscarriage? I'll have to check, but I don't think I did... wow.

I'll save it for tomorrow.

And, I'll wait to blog tomorrow until after I've been to the gym so I can tell you who I raced.

Because I know you're dying to know.

(Can you say wildly schizophrenic post? Wow, I'm sorry!)

MIA...

I'm back! The hubs and I took a little trip, and now that we've returned I'll be returning to this little blog and my corner of the Internet. 

There isn't much to report, because we spent the majority of our time relaxing.... and it was glorious! 

In other news, I took my final BCP for our 'rest' cycle on Wednesday, and I'll start BCPs for our IVF cycle likely on Tuesday-ish. My pharmacist called this week to go over my drug order with me, all I'm going to say about that is I'm pretty sure angels were singing when I got off the phone with him. God bless insurance... about 50% of the time. 

The pumpkin carving party was a success- I didn't take any pictures. I'm lame. Maybe I'll take a picture of my pumpkin before her face caves in- its hilarious. 

Congratulations if you're actually reading this babbling- I promise to be back with something more interesting soon! 

In a year...

About once a month I randomly think to check out my blog archives and see what I was doing the previous year on that date.

One year ago today we found out that our first IUI cycle didn't work. I kinda of remember being sad that day, but mostly I remember turning the other cheek, and getting ready to do it all over again. I was determined.

In the last year, we've faced a few more failures and a short lived success. Since that day, we've done five more IUI cycles, two natural cycles, and and a round of IVF/ICSI. I've received five more phone calls relaying the news that I wasn't pregnant, one telling me I was pregnant, one telling me I might still be pregnant, one with the news that it didn't look good, one saying the pregnancy wasn't viable and to stop taking my meds, one relaying the news that my beta was under ten, and one that it had finally reached zero.

What a difference a year makes.

Even though we are in the same spot... not pregnant, we've learned a great deal about our bodies, and we've faced challenges that seemed unthinkable. We are stronger for it.

On Wednesday I'll take my last birth control pill for our 'rest cycle' and we'll officially our second IVF cycle just a few days later. I'm excited, but it doesn't take away the bit of anxiety that is in the back of my mind thinking- what if it happens again? But, I keep reminding myself I have two choices:

1. Quit because I'm scared
2. Face my fears

If I learned anything from the trials last summer brought, it was that I'm plenty capable of facing my fears, and if it all happens again- I'm also plenty capable of pulling myself back up.

Racing...

So, racing (I'm not sure I can call it that since the other party never knows that it is occurring) has become my new normal at the gym. It encourages me to work a little harder, and it's a game... who doesn't like a game? I feel like I should give you a little glimpse into the demographic that is at the gym M-F around 8:30 or 9am.

There are two parts... neither of which do I currently fit into.

My gym is in the heart of a upper middle class neighborhood, where stay-at-home moms are plentiful. These ladies pretty much over take the gym around 9 or 9:30. I attempt to either beat them there, or arrive after they've gone home to feed and nap their children. It isn't that I don't like them, more than anything its me being jealous of them... that, and they loudly talk about how 'green' and 'organic' they are. And THAT is annoying!

The second part of this group is men and women over the age of 70. Bless their hearts for making their way to the gym every morning. I love them. I love watching these elderly couples walk around the indoor track hand in hand encouraging each other. Melts my heart every.single.time.

The second group is ideal for racing! This morning I was on an elliptical at one end of the track. Each time I'd see the person I was racing I'd set a goal for myself. Usually I'd attempted to go a quarter of a mile before they made their way back around, which surprisingly enough, is totally doable when you choose someone who is using a walker... even if the track is 1/14 of a mile :)

This is how I pass the time. It makes it go by a little quicker and pushes me to work a little harder. When I'm not 'racing' I'm envisioning two little embryos snuggling into my uterus :)

Seriously?

This morning at the gym, about minute 37 of my workout a pregnant woman hopped onto the elliptical next to me. Not only was she hugely pregnant, and likely shouldn't have been elevating her heart rate like she was, she was also consuming a giant sugary coffee drink. This woman was huffing and puffing the moment she stepped onto the machine and started going like somebody was chasing her. So, for the remaining 8 minutes I raced her.  Because dang it, that out of shape, caffeine drinking, pregnant lady was NOT going to out run me.

I know, I'm totally mature, and not bitter at all.

5 more weeks...

I'm running out of things to say... Life is marginally boring when you're trying to get pregnant, but swallowing a birth control pill every morning! No wonder 'outsiders' don't understand this process... It's nuts!! I'm enjoying every boring minute right now :)

The hubs and I are hosting a pumpkin carving party this weekend, so preparing food and our home for that event is keeping me plenty busy. We keep meaning to really enjoy this time in our life despite the hard things- this little get together should fill that void!

We're also hitting the road early next week for a little getaway. We've been meaning to do it, and finally made it happen. I'm looking forward to not doing much of anything other than relaxing!

Five more weeks of birth control! It seems like kind of a long time, but I'm sure it will go quickly. I'm excited for our second ivf cycle, but very calm at the same time. I don't love all of the appointments, but I find the process super fascinating and always love seeing inside of my body.

The sock collection is growing... Now if we could just get to the point of wearing them!!!!

IVF #2 with ICSI has been approved by our insurance and has a start date of November 18th. I love it when everything begins to fall into place and there are fewer things to worry about!

Ps, in case you were wondering, the insurance issue from MAY has still not been corrected!

I lost...

Does anyone else play the 'who can hold out the longest not turning on the heat' game with their spouse? 

No? You're all dignified adults that just set your thermostat to a certain temp and it stays there all year? 

Boring!

At any rate, I lost the game this week when it was 64 degrees inside our house and I was trying to clean our bedroom dressed similar to Chevy Chase in the attic scene of Christmas Vacation! 

Here's hoping next year we have a tiny reason (or two!) to turn the heat on a little earlier :)

Ugh...

So, you might remember over a year ago I went to see my primary care doctor to get a referral to my current RE. Well, that referral is only good for a year, and unfortunately I didn't remember that it would expire. Seriously, I never imagined we would still be trying to get pregnant an entire year later. Long story short, my referral expired in August. I've since had a couple of ultrasounds and some blood work run at my RE's office- this could have all been covered if I would have remembered that I needed to get a new referral- unfortunately now it is most likely going to be paid out of pocket.

I am so stinking mad at myself. When I called my PCP's office to get another referral I spoke with my favorite nurse who also happens to be dealing with infertility and asked her if it was possible to back date the new referral. She is going to attempt it, but we aren't sure if it will work. I'm not so angry that we have to pay for it, because in the scheme of things we really are getting off pretty inexpensively for infertility patients. It is just the fact that it could have all been covered that is killing me. Thank goodness for FSA's I guess.

This news came shortly after I opened an email with our deposit information... gasp. I nearly lost my lunch until I realized our insurance pre-auth hadn't come through yet.

Why does infertility have to be so expensive.... and exhausting?!?!?

Let this be a lesson to all of you.... KNOW WHEN YOUR REFERRAL EXPIRES!!!!!!

White Lies...

As you all know, when we started the IVF process we shared our journey with our parents. We told them about the struggles we'd already faced, and what was ahead of us. For the most part it was a good thing. It was nice to know that we'd never have to hear things like "when are you going to start a family" ever again, and for only that, it was worth it. However, something about sharing every intimate piece of that process didn't ever sit all that well with me. I never really felt like they cared enough to plug those three little letters into google and figure out just exactly what we were facing. It hurt my feelings that they didn't know how to care and be supportive in the ways that I wanted and needed. And to me, that wasn't something that I needed to teach them while I was just trying to keep my head above water.

When we found out that our cycle was likely going to collide with Thanksgiving we each made comments to our families about perhaps not being at the festivities. To both we made it clear that it had to do with trying again. I didn't love the idea of sharing this information, but it seemed necessary. Now that we have our calendar, and know that I'm not going to be on bed rest over the holiday we've told our parents that we'll be around for Thanksgiving. We also told them that we've "pushed things out" and are taking a little break. 

True, we are taking a little break.... a little over seven weeks until we start stims, and the ER/ET that we thought might interfere with Thanksgiving will be pushed back by about a week or two. 

We also aren't sure what we are going to do at the end of this cycle. If we'll share the good news right away (power of positive thinking!!) or if we'll keep it to ourselves a little longer this time. Either way, we want to make the choice when the time comes and not feel like we need to share because our families are waiting. 

So, at this point you all are the only people who know, and I'm pretty sure that is how it is going to remain. I don't think I'm going to share it with any of my girlfriends either. I figure the process will be a lot easier this time. I know what to expect. I know the process. Now it will just be a matter of navigating it all and staying hopeful that our outcome will be a healthy pregnancy and a sweet baby or two!

Thankful for the classics....

So, I know I've said before that ever since I started taking met.formin and thyroid medication I've been losing weight. Like a significant amount of weight. As of today I'm down 42 pounds. That is a lot.

Back in August after the miscarriage I needed something to keep my hands busy so I went through my closet and got rid of a few things that I didn't like anymore. There were several things that no longer fit, so they got packed away in a tub to be re-evaluated when I'm pregnant.

Yesterday morning (-10 lbs later) I was attempting to find something to wear this weekend for a family picture that is being taken. I tried on a few things that were too big and thus began another stroll through the closet removing everything that was too large... another huge plastic tub. While it is great that I'm losing weight, my closet looks SO SAD! I don't really want to go out and buy a bunch of new things considering I'm paying a lot of money in an attempt to have my body change significantly in the next few months.  Plus, it seems like every time I buy something new if I don't wear it within the first few weeks of ownership it needs to be returned because it doesn't fit. Efff! Its a never ending cycle. Right now my options include a few new things and everything else is circa 2006 or older. Thank God I've never been one to buy tons of super trendy clothing! I typically stick to classic staples and then spice things up with jewelry or other accessories- so luckily, even the older pieces aren't too out of date.

I know, not a horrible problem to have but SO annoying!

oh.my.goodness

So yesterday afternoon I opened my mailbox to find a rather puffy package from a blogger friend of mine. She had asked for my address recently on a post about socks, so I figured I might find a pair of socks in my mailbox one of these days. Buuuuut, I was not prepared for what I found when I opened that squishy envelope. Lets just say, had I not used the restroom just before getting the mail, I may have had a problem.

I've followed Tiffany for a long time, and I've always thought gosh, I could totally be friends with her.... um, yes this much is true, we have the same sense of humor. 

When I pulled these gems out of the envelope and started cracking up I was instantly intrigued by that little red tag on the fur. Often these types of socks sing a song or something ubber annoying (which is totally right up my ally), but the tag on these was even better than a 'press here' tag. This tag reads 'faux fur', just in case you thought perhaps you were buying socks with real fur at Tar.get. Awesome!

I'm not sure if I have the guts to actually wear them outside of my house looking like I'm smuggling a doughnut around each leg under my pants, but I am pretty sure these will be present for all injections... how can I not smile when I look at these- not only because they are totally comical, but also because a nice blogger buddy thought to send them to me! 

Thanks again, Tiffany!!!

Sometimes boring is a good thing...

Things are pretty boring right now (read: RELAXED!!), so I don't have much to report. As an update I'll give you a few bullet points.

• I had a dream last night that I was about 39 weeks pregnant. I went into labor, and my doctor was sick. He ended up laying in a bed next to mine while my husband delivered a sweet baby girl after a single push and the use of a set of tweezers. Yeah, figure that one out. 
• I made a batch of cookies today... good thing we have a few events in the next couple of weeks because it made about five dozen. To the freezer they go!
• Speaking of cookies, the 8 pounds I gained on prov.era are gone! I'd like to lose another 14 in the next seven weeks before I start stims, but I'm not sure how feasible that is. Perhaps I should stop baking cookies and head to the gym :)
• During my last IVF cycle I took 17 birth control pills as part of the suppression phase. I almost threw away the remaining 4, but for some reason decided to keep them in the drawer with all of my other fertility meds. It turns out this time I will take 25 active birth control pills during suppression. That means I would have needed two packs if I didn't already have four spares hanging around. 
• My husband and I bought our house a little over two years ago. We live right in the heart of wine country and had yet to go wine tasting until this past weekend. We had an awesome time, and look forward to squeezing in some more time for this in the next few weeks before I cut alcohol out completely. 
• I can't stop eating apples. I've been eating at least two Honey Crisps a day lately. So good!
• We're planning a little getaway in couple of weeks and I cannot wait to get out of town for a few days and just relax. No plans, no appointments, no interruptions. 
• Other than the annual exam I need to schedule, I don't have another appointment until my suppression check on 11/23- FREEDOM!
• I've been getting out all of my fall decor, and I LOVE it. I absolutely adore fall candles and already had them lit this morning before my husband left for work at 6:45- he gave me a crazy look as he walked out the door this morning. 
• I made a really fun fall banner last week. My plan was for it to say HARVEST, but when I started drawing the letters the first one I did was an F.... there is no F in harvest! So, instead it says BE THANKFUL, which happens to be perfect because I really could use that reminder on a daily basis right now. Mine is really similar to this one.............. AMY, this craft project has your name on it! Seriously, a sharpie, some scissors and glue!
• Wow, please don't stop following me because I'm all of a sudden SUPER boring- I'm sure I'll have something more entertaining to share soon! But for now, I'm going to enjoy my quiet, boring little life with my fall candles burning away :)