Change of Heart...

After the events that unfolded last night, I may have had a brief breakdown. It wasn't huge, and I'm pretty sure the main reason I was upset was because one of my first thoughts was, 'what if this IVF doesn't work and she ends up having a sweet little baby right around the time I should be having a sweet little baby?' I HATE that this was even a thought, because it hasn't even been an option up until now. I honestly have just been throwing all of my energy into being hopeful and not really allowing myself to go there.

So, this morning, I am making a conscious choice to go back to yesterday, before the announcement. I am not going to allow this to make my mood take a speeding downward spiral into a poor me state of mind. No thank you. I'd rather spend these days thankful for the opportunity to pursue IVF and our family. Sure, I'm a slave to my pill box, but it is all of a good reason, and I need to remember that. This IS exactly what I want, even when it is hard and wearing.

Last night I had exactly the dream I needed to have. A dream that our baby/babies were here! I say babies because there were two little girls that looked to be the same age running around our home. I called one by name, and it was our second girl name. Our front runner girl name is nonnegotiable. I honestly can't imagine having a daughter and NOT naming her this name. It has been my absolute favorite for YEARS and it has since become very popular, but I don't care. So, this makes me fairly certain that we had twin girls- exactly what I've thought we would have from the moment we decided to do IVF. Crazy to think that is a few weeks we will know if this will be our reality!!!