6th and FINAL IUI cycle...

Baseline: No cysts- several resting follies on both sides.

E2: 36

Tonight: First follistim injection of the cycle.

Tomorrow's post: The dreaded white folder...

Waiting...

Just waiting for cycle day one for the twenty-second time.

We've been trying for over two and a half years and have had twenty-two failed cycles.

Ten failed Clomid cycles.

1 failed injectable cycle.

5 failed IUI cycles.


We are going to do one last injectable IUI cyle. If that isn't successfull... well, you know what comes next. Right now, I am trying not to think about it!

If you were wondering....

... five was no luckier than one, two, three or four. Not pregnant. Still.

I think I have one more try left in me... then... well, lets not talk about it yet.

Monday...

I just booked a last minute getaway for the hubs and I early next week. We'll head out of town right after my beta on Monday morning, and hopefully we'll have something exciting to celebrate on Monday night! If not, this little trip will NOT be spent sulking about our amazing lack of luck... it will instead be spent enjoying each other, relaxing, eating at our favorite restaurants and recharging before we start this roller coaster once again.

The good news is, Monday is going to be a good day no matter what. The bad news is, you will have to sit tight to find out the outcome of this cycle until sometime Wednesday or Thursday :)

A List of Nothing....

I really have nothing to say. So, I will just give you a list of nonsense....

• I am halfway through the 12 day wait. Monday is the big day.
• I am spending the 2ww working on quilting baby blankets for twins. They were conceived by some friends of ours via IVF 'round two.
• Progesterone suppositories are gross.
• I have a vial of follistim in my fridge.... I hope I get to donate it!
• I am actually hungry! It feels like a miracle after being on Metformin for four months. I have been craving Chipotle for DAYS!
• I think my in-laws might come for the weekend.
• If my MIL makes a stupid comment about our lack of offspring, I might loose it. But, my temporary loss of sanity can be blamed on the progesterone I previously mentioned.
• I started watching 'Brothers & Sisters' on Netflix. I LOVE it!
• I have convinced myself that any "symptom" that I currently have is because of the progesterone. I am trying SO hard not to read into anything :)
• I can't stop eating peanut M&Ms.
• I need some book recommendations. I am currently at the bottom of the stack I have been chipping away at over the last year. Once I finish 'Love Walked In' I don't know what I am going to read.
• I miss the gym. Perhaps I will head back this week for some walking or bike riding!
• Even though I hate the waiting, I love this week in my cycle. No appointments!!!

SIX more days!!

Let talk about....

lady parts. (count this as fair warning)



Do the rest of you feel completely weirded out when it sounds as if your doctor is jacking up a car when in fact they are using a speculum in your baby maker? Seriously, that sound is horrible.

That's all.
At least for now.

I am sure there will be another installment of this glorious topic once I start the vaginal progesterone suppositories.... isn't there a better way?

Lucky Number Five...

...with lucky number three.

We had our fifth IUI this morning with our third doctor. That is sure to be lucky, right?

Now.... 12 LOOOONG days!!!

Oh The Irony...

Last night as my husband and I were discussing the time line for the rest of this cycle I realized I will be on progesterone over Valentines Day. The last time I took progesterone was two years ago..... over Valentines Day. We were *only* seven months into our journey to become parents, and thought for sure we would end up pregnant soon. Ha.

All we could do was laugh about the situation, because really, what else could we do?

Another day...

...another doctor.

I saw the third and final doctor at the clinic today. He was just as pleasant as the other two, so from here on out I don't really care too much who I see until my doctor returns from maternity leave (lets hope I'm not still around!!!). He wasn't too hopeful that I would be quite ready to trigger when he was looking at my "tiny" dose of follistim and the amount of time I've been stim'ing. Much to his surprise (and mine) I had a nice big 19mm follie on my right side and nothing else noteworthy on either side. Although I would have rather had two, this is perfectly fine with me and FAR better than being canceled for over producing. So,I trigger tonight and I'll be back in the office Wednesday morning for our 5th insemination. FIFTH. I never in a million years thought I would be typing that.

I just got a call from my nurse and she has instructed me to not only trigger tonight, but also to do a "chaser shot" (why do I feel like I'm at a bar?) of follistim. So, two injections tonight. Fine with me, I intend to be done with injections for good after tonight :)

On a totally random and awkward note... today I ran into someone I went to high school with (about 2 hours away) at my RE's office. She works there, and just happened to be walking down the hall as I was waiting to check out. I have always thought it would be weird to run into someone I knew in the waiting room of the clinic, but I had never thought about how weird it would be to end up knowing someone who worked there. For the record, it was weird.

A Few Random Things....

-Overfilled follistim cartridges make my day. I had a full extra dose in my cartridge last night. That is like finding $150 under your pillow! Yahoo!

-On a less thrilling note, I had a date with the wand this morning. Currently there are 6 follies growing between the two sides. On each side there is one follie at 8.5, 7.5 and 6.5. Assuming that my E2 comes back normal for what we saw today, I will continue with the same follistim dose (75iu) through Sunday night. I'll have another ultrasound and E2 draw on Monday morning to see how things are progressing. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

-I am crossing my fingers for a couple of things right now. First, that the insemination will happen sometime late next week and not over the weekend. I have family heading into town and I would rather not have to explain why I have a doctor appointment on a Saturday when I'm not sick :) And second, hopefully a couple of those follies will pull away and grow quicker than the others. Right now they are all fairly close in size, and we DO NOT want all of them to grow. If they do, my cycle will most likely be canceled.

-My doctor is now officially on maternity leave, so I am now being passed around the office until I decide who I want to stick with. There are three RE's in the practice (including my doctor) and I've seen two of them. Monday my ultrasound will be with the final RE, and all that will be left is the nurse practitioner. I am confident that any of them would do a fantastic job managing my care, but I do wish I could keep my doctor. However, she is is likely in the middle of birthing a baby as I type, so I guess she should get a little time off!

Some People Never Learn...

The friend referenced in this post can also be found saying stupid things here, here and here

Long story short, she is fertile and will NEVER get it.

Today she called me to catch up. After exchanging greetings, she gleefully inquires... "so, are you pregnant?" I responded with "uhh, nope" and she giggled and said, "well I hadn't talked to you for awhile!" She knows we are struggling, I just told her a few weeks ago how crazy hard all of this is, and she still asks totally insensitive questions. I was going to say something to her, but honestly, she just seems like a lost cause.

She is the biggest reason we haven't shared our infertility story with the majority of our friends and family. She has been a great example of how we would like to NOT be treated!

That's life I guess. Do you have friends who are just completely an totally not understanding of what you're going through?!?!

May Your Uterus Be Filled With Baby....

Last night I was texting back and forth with a friend of mine from college. She is currently not trying to get pregnant, but she is having a significant amount of abdominal pain and her doctors are finally doing a lap. in two weeks. She is one of the few people who know about our struggle with in fertility. I just thought I'd share our comical exchange....



Friend: How are things with you, friend?



Me: You know, livin' the dream. I shoot up with fertility drugs every night and go to the doctor every few days to be violated with the wand. After writing that, I see that might actually be 'living the dream' for some... you know, shooting up and being violated. It's life right now- not bad, not amazingly great, but at least I am still laughing at my misfortune :)



Friend: You really should write a blog about your experiences! Do the 'rents know yet? (HA! write a blog)



Me: No, our parents don't know... we're stealth like that. However, if they came to our house they would think we were some kind of drug lords.



Friend: Haha. awww funny, but not at all. Hugs!



Me: Ha. Totally. How's the ute?



Friend: Ready to be dissected in two weeks. I'm actually kind of excited.



Me: I can relate. As sucky as it is, it will be nice to know what the heck is going on in there.



(she then shared some personal information that I am not going to repeat)



Me: Hopefully they will find something (fixable) so it doesn't have to be a guessing game anymore. Good Luck friend, keep me updated!



Friend: Will do! Same to you! May your uterus be filled with baby :)



I find it comical that of the VERY few friends that I talk with about our infertility, the majority of them have suggested that I write a blog about this mess. Here I am with the freaking vagina monologues, and they are none the wiser.

Psalm 111:7

"The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy."

Now, if I can just keep reminding myself of this!