For about the last year I've been fairly confident that we would need some type of reproductive technology to achieve a pregnancy. About this time last year we were reaching the end of our 6 months of clomid treatment and we were no closer to a baby than we were when we started. I had come to the conclusion that this probably wasn't going to happen on its own "the old fashioned way."
It took me a long time to be ok with that, hence the super long break we took. I wasn't sure how I felt about getting pregnant in an office with someone other than my husband doing the impregnating. It was weird for me to think of him sitting or standing next to me while our doctor inseminated me or transferred embryos.
I thought for sure the process would take the romance out of things. I thought it would make it so much more clinical (not that timed intercourse is really all that romantic.) But, I was wrong. Somehow going through all of this together, having him there to say sweet things, make jokes and take silly pictures made it easier and made me remember all of the reasons I love him. I've spent the last couple of days hopeful and more in love with my husband than I have ever been. We are walking a hard road right now, but we are stronger because of it.
If you would have told me this would be part of our story when we got married I would have been terrified. Although it hasn't been fun, it has been a growing experience. I understand now that we are strong, and we can do hard things... together.
I am hopeful that this cycle will work. I am well aware that it may not and that we may have to do this all again in a few weeks, but for now I am trying my best to be in the moment.