Every few days it seems like another question comes up that needs to be answered, and this time, I'm asking you! What worked best for you, or what are you planning to do when the time comes?
We were asked this week if we would prefer people come to the hospital to meet the boys, or to our home once we have all been released from the hospital. I feel like both have their perks, but at the moment I am leaning toward having people visit while we are still in the hospital. What worked best for you?
To me, if people come to visit in the hospital, they are likely not going to stay long. The recovery rooms are seriously TINY and there isn't really anywhere to sit other than the hospital bed or the one chair that folds out into a cot for Hubs. If they come to our home, there are plenty of places to get comfy and out-stay their welcome. But, my hesitation is, am I just going to be way too overwhelmed while we are still in the hospital to have visitors in and out of our room?
12 comments:
It depends on how long you stay in hospital and who you WANT to visit you there.
My 3 were born in hospital and with my first I stayed 2 nights. My mum was with me for birth, then my dad, brother and grandparents visited within the first few hours then waited until we were home before visiting again as like you said, space is scarce and kept visiting times for my (now ex) hubby.
With 2, we went home when initial checks were proven to be all good. I was home 3 hours after delivery.
With 3, I stayed in 1 night, the older kids visited with my husband and all our parents visited (at different times) but everyone else waited until we were home.
Hospital is GREAT for first time moms wanting a little reassurance but this is a really good time for you to work out visiting agendas. And if you have enough with home visitors, tell them, most people will respect you need a break and grant you your wishes. (Bear in mind, visitors can be useful too as in helping with dishes, making drinks and bringing things you may need with them)
Good luck. :)
I can't speak to having newborn twins, but we had about 8 people in our hospital room shortly after Chloe was born and I, along with everyone else there, will always cherish those memories of being with her just hours after she was born. It was also nice b/c most of them were family so we had them run out to get us food b/c I was starving!! Nice perk. I can see wanting to wait until you were home too, but I have a feeling you will have SO many visitors, getting some out of the way at the hospital wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Having had twins 7 months ago, my husband and I were very particular about who, when, and where they came to visit. My personal opinion was to have visitors come to the house. There was so much going on at the hospital it just made it more stressful for me personally. The hospital gave me a GREAT sheet for regarding visitors... basically said come visit but there's more to visiting than holding just holding the babies...(basically listed things that would help us out..cleaning.. groceries.. dishes etc.)which was an amazing help. I did struggle with asking people for help as I tend to think of my self as super woman and want to do things immediately and my way.. but honestly that went out the window after the babies came. By all means ask for help,if you need it, even if it's to have someone watch the babies while you sleep for 20 minutes.. people wouldnt offer help if it wasnt sincere. Again this is just my personal opinion but it was super overwhelming for me when we were finally discharged and the less visitors the better, unless they were willing to help out a bit here and there, we needed to find a "routine" as a family first then worried about who came. As this was a HUGE change for us.
While I can't give you advice from experience I can say what we plan to do. We plan to allow people to visit us in the hospital. Like you I think that if people come to the house they will stay a lot longer, plus I feel that the nurses will be an extra line of defense, asking people to wait outside when its time for a feeding or if I'm feeling drained or overwhelmed I know they will ask them to leave.
We actually are putting on a complete moratorium on visits for at least the first week of being home. That gives us a chance to get into a rhythm that doesn't require accomodation of anyone else.
With twins, quite honestly I would probably make that at least two weeks. People that you know will simply be helpful and then leave you can make an exception for (if you know a friend or family member will come in, do some laundry, wipe down the kitchen, do a load of dishes, and you can feed or nap without having to entertain them - then sure that person can come.)
I had some visitors in the hospital and it was nice because it was easy, I didn't feel like I had to 'entertain' them and the visits were relatively short. On the other had the visitors I had at the house, I was ready for them to leave LONG before they did and I didn't really want to ask them to leave which was hard.
So, I think if you feel comfortable letting people know when you have had enough and it is time to go, then home is OK (they may even be able to help out some with some chores or something) otherwise I would let them come to the hospital and tell people you are waiting for X amount of time before having visitors at home so you can get settled...and even then they will probably over stay their welcome!
I feel like I can't answer this 100% because we had C in KY, while all of our family is VA. The only people who came to the hospital were my parents daily, 2 friends out here and my cousin and her husband. We had a super quiet hospital stay which is what we wanted. And once we returned home it was quiet until we ventured to VA for 2 weeks with C when he was 4 and 5 weeks old.
I can say that as a first time momma, RCW and I really enjoyed not having the hospital overflowing with people. You're tired, you're recovering, you're trying to bond with your little one(s) and your spouse, taking it all in and not to mention the hospital (ours at least) had a crew of people coming in - nurses for me, nurses for C, cafeteria people bring food 3 times a day, housekeeping cleaning and checking on supplies, newborn photographer, lactation consultants, your OBGYN, babe's pediatrician.
After experiencing C's birth and seeing how visitors did stay despite the small surroundings and hospital vibe with RCW's sister and brother's babes and my cousin's, RCW and I have decided that we hope we never have a baby in VA where the majority of our friends and family are. Its just TOO much!
At least with people visiting at home, while they may stay longer, but I think that's debateable, you can excuse yourself to breastfeed in the nursery or something if you need a break and hopefully they'll take a hint. Also, with visitors at home you can schedule it so you don't have 10 people there all at once.
I think a big question is, who will your visitors be and will they understand/know the boundaries? RCW's brother was one of the first to have a babe, so their friends didn't get it. Friends held the baby before family and per my MIL, 10 of the wife's friends basically followed them from her L&D room to her postpartum room.
One thing you can do, depending on how long you stay, we have friends who with their 2nd had a scheduled c on a Friday afternoon. They were going to go home on Monday. They only allowed visitors on Sunday which gave the parents and older sibling and grandparents/family 1.5 days to bond before all the friends started showing up!
We only had immediate family (parents and one sibling each) visit us in the hosptial and even that was a little tricky at times. It seemed like everytime someone arrived it was time for a nurse to check me out or the lactation consultant arrived to help me with nursing or the baby was hungry....so people had to spend some time in the waiting area/hallway. For us it worked best to limit visitors at the hospital because of that and because seriously, I was exhausted after labor and delivery and my delivery wasn't even complicated. I'm amazed that people choose to have so many visitors at the hopsital, it just wouldn't have been comfortable for me.
Good question and I think it all depends on what you want...at the hospital it will be quick peeks & holding and at home it may be longer and you may want the extra hands. We had immediate family/close friends at the hospital after he was born and then we had a brief NICU stay and requested no visitors (besides grandmas) at the hospital or at home for the first couple of weeks. We had a possible infection scare and it totally changed any plans that we had. The hospital gave us a sign to put on the door if we did not want visitors. That first day with family and friends was precious but it sure was hard around nurses coming in and out and trying to nurse. The hard thing about visitors at home is that you really just need to be caring for the babies and letting someone else sweep or cook...but I only felt comfortable asking that of the grandmas. At any rate, these are all nice "problems" to have:]
I don't have babies (YET - fingers crossed) but I have been visiting lots of friends lately and I just wanted to chime in from the visitor's viewpoint. I ALWAYS offer to help with chores, cook, clean, etc b/c my mom said that's the best thing to do. However, all of my girlfriends turn me down. I would urge you to accept help if people offer - my offers were always completely genuine and seriously, it's the one time I would be thrilled to wash your floors, do your dishes, etc.. might as well take advantage!! :)
I can't chime in from my own situation since we're having a homebirth, but if I was having a hospital birth I'd want most people to wait until we were home. I hate hospital gowns...feel really ugly in them and would just feel more comfortable and more like seeing people if I was in my own environment.
Just 4 short months ago I had twin girls. Would HIGHLY suggest people come to your house to visit. We invited anyone and everyone to come to the hospital and I was exhausted. Nurses were constantly in and out of my room, felt like we never had any down time to bond with the twins. If I had to do it all over again, I would limit it to immediate family and my best friends. Just my two cents.
I totally agree with you that having people come to the hospital is easier with regard to people over staying their welcome. Most of our visitors came to the hospital, but some did come to the house and stay too long and it was very stressful for us. However, on the hospital front, we had so many visitors it WORE US OUT! Seriously. We were almost resenting visitors! LOL We were soooo exhausted and got to a point that we wanted to refuse visitors. Between how often the nurses come in your room, any lactation consults you may have, any lab techs that may need to come in for blood work, the doc visits, having meals delivered, having the babies' hearing test done, and all these random ppl from the hospital will come by for various reasons...our door never seemed to stop opening, and we were not at all prepared for this. This is one thing I REALLY wish someone would have warned me about. So I say, if you do have ppl to the hospital be firm in telling them when it's ok to come by and set time limits, maybe. This is yalls time and a time that you need to make sure you are feeding those boys frequently enough to ensure your milk comes in adequately. Plus you will be soo exhausted once you come down from the high of delivering them. You will be looking for tooth picks to hold up your eyelids. Good luck! Hope this helps some.
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