Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Yesterday I brought something home from my baseline appointment that I had been hoping and praying for the last six months would not EVER enter our home. I think deep down, I knew it would, but it doesn't make it any easier to have a shiny white folder on my coffee table.

Let me explain. This is not the first folder to make a one way trip from the clinic to my coffee table. First it was shiny blue. Blue= IUI/oral fertility drugs. It was scary because it was the first, but now looking back, that reading material was like a children's book... maybe even a fairy tale. Then came red. Red was full of information about IUI with gonadatropins. Red was more like a choose your own adventure book. Although exciting with possibilities, it was also terrifying all at the same time. The side effects sheet alone had me shaking in my boots. Then yesterday. Yesterday I brought home yet another folder. The final folder. The dreaded shiny white folder.

The white folder is all about IVF. I don't even know what kind of book to liken this folder to. Instead I will just list its chapters for you...

IVF Registration
Financial Agreement
Cost Breakdown
Pre-Treatment checklist
Psychological Services
In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) Explained
Acupuncture and IVF
Participation in IVF Procedures
IVF Medications
Side Effects: Gonadotropins
Facts about OHSS
Complications of Multiple Gestation
Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer
Comprehensive Chromosome Screening
Do's and Don'ts for a Treatment Cycle
ART Glossary
Fertility Pharmacies

Yesterday I hardly got past the first few "chapters" before I started to get a little nervous. Then I stopped to remember a bible verse that I'd read just a few days ago... Psalms 46:10.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Be still.


Baby Hopes said...

Oh. Mercy. But congratulations for moving along!!! I'm sorry that you've had to go through such a long journey. I hope IVF brings you your miracle. I'm actually hoping to move on to white soon. I've had my fill of the blue and red!

Kerrik said...

It's scary now because it is overwhelming and unknown, and of course because it seems like the final chapter (which it really isn't) ...take it in slowly, don't make any rash decisions, and try to keep breathing.

- from a fellow Ifer and IVFer

amy said...

That's sounds a bit overwhelming :( If you can, try not to go there yet...I love the Psalm you chose, claim it girlfriend!!

The journey is so up and down and I hope this last IUI keeps you on the upside!! You deserve it, you've been through so much.


Brandi said...

It is very overwhelming at first. I remember reading that information and just shaking at the thought of it. I know though, we wouldn't be blessed as we are right now though had we not taken that road and I am so happy we did!!