Although I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, there have been good things that have come from this unbelievably difficult struggle. My faith has grown in ways that I couldn't have imagined before infertility was a part of me. I've learned lessons in patience, trust, judgement, compassion, empathy and grace. I've found out who I am at the very core, when everything else is stripped away and I am bare and broken. I've learned when to stand on my own two feet and also when to allow my faith to carry me.
In the beginning of our struggle with infertility I was quick to judge the decisions of others in the the arena of reproductive technologies. My naive heart couldn't understand the heartache that would lead to those choices and couldn't see God in those acts. It wasn't until I was in the trenches that I could truly understand. It wasn't until my heart had evolved that I could see just how many blessings I would receive in the midst of what has seemed like the darkest most painful time in my life.
I've learned that...
...PATIENCE is not merely the act of waiting, it is more importantly, the way you wait.
...believing in God is much different than TRUSTING Him with your biggest hopes and desires.
...it is impossible to know how you will deal with a situation until you are there. Even when you are struggling right along with someone, what is right for one person isn't always right for the next. Throw JUDGEMENT out the window, it isn't going to get you anywhere.
...meeting someone where they are, in the midst of their pain, is one of the most selfless acts. COMPASSION is a gift that feels just as good to give as it does to receive.
...being able to identify with another person's feelings is what this community is all about. EMPATHY abounds.
...navigating the heartache of infertility isn't always easy, and it certainly isn't always pretty. GRACE is moving through the easy and tough times in a manner that is pleasing to our God. After all, He gives us the gift of GRACE though unmerited, free flowing love for us each and everyday.
Although infertility does not define who I am, it has most certainly made a lasting impact on my life. As much as I wish my stay in the land of IF were shorter (or possibly nonexistent), I am grateful that in the midst of such hardship, I have been blessed abundantly.