I’ve been dancing around the topic since sometime in November. I was told that November would be my final medicated cycle with my current doctor’s office and if I didn’t end up getting pregnant I would need to seek the help of an RE. I knew it was coming. At the time it stung a little, just hearing the words and understanding what that would mean, but I still had hope that perhaps the final cycle would be “the one.” It wasn’t. When I found that I wasn’t pregnant I was sad, but decided that it was time to take a break and enjoy the holidays. I didn’t want to spend Christmas thinking about treatments and testing. I wanted to take a break and see what happened. Well, what happened is exactly what I had expected. I relaxed. I enjoyed my time with my husband instead of carefully planning out days. I continued charting, but I didn’t stress. And lastly, I didn’t ovulate… or at least not yet. Today is CD 40 and as far as I can tell I haven’t ovulated. It is pretty hard to get pregnant when you aren’t producing your half of the equation.
So, I think I’ve finally come to that point where the phone call I’ve been dreading will have to be made. The inevitable has arrived. I need to call and ask for a referral. I need to get some guts and just do it. It is becoming more and more obvious that I probably am not going to get pregnant without some medical intervention. As much as I wish the road would have been easier, in some weird and awful way it has been a blessing. I feel like a stronger person because of the struggle.
I’ve promised myself that by the end of the week I will call. I’ll find out if I need to schedule a follow-up or if they can just send me the referral. It is the first of many steps in the right direction. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am terrified, but for now I am keeping my eye on the end result and taking it one tiny step at a time.
No one said it would be easy, but it WILL be worth it. Someday.