Until last week I had kept our journey pretty quiet. We had told a couple of people, but for the most part they’ve been people who are pretty removed from our family. Just last week a good friend of mine (and my cousin’s sister-in-law) confided in me that her and her husband had been struggling to get pregnant and were in their first round of clomid. In an effort to lend a comforting ear and a little advice, I shared our story. It felt good to say it out loud and not have to hide how I was feeling. It also made it feel like there was purpose behind the struggle. I felt like if my heartache could help her deal with her own, it was in some tiny way worth it.
If you are or have been in this position, you know what is coming next. Yesterday, five days later, she found out that she is pregnant. Although I am thrilled for her, it still hurts just the same. Another one off to the races while I am still standing in the dust behind a locked gate, figures.
I am trying my best to stay positive. After all, this cycle isn’t even over yet. There is still a chance. A small chance, but a chance just the same. I am feeling pretty confident that the best next move is to just take a month off. I want to enjoy Christmas and not be thinking about the what-if. The reality is that I likely won’t ovulate without meds, but right now I am OK with that. Then, once the holidays are over, I might be ready to see an RE.
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