Too Funny...

There is pretty much NOTHING going on over here, but because I love all of you and think you all deserve a good laugh I am passing along THIS little gem! It is a little off color... ok, in some places A LOT off color, but it is too funny not to share!

In other news, I'm expecting AF later this week and then it will feel like this cycle is really happening! Birth control here I come!! I'm not placing the order from my meds until after June 1st when our FSA starts over, and I am getting a little panicked about this whole drug shortage thing... hopefully I wont have any problems. The pharmacy (a smallish local pharmacy) does already have the order and called me and asked me to call them when I'm ready to have them filled. She didn't say anything about there being any problem getting them, so I am just going to trust that there wont be :)

Inspired By Old Words...

I'm feeling like I'm in a bit of writing drought. There isn't much to say when the testing is done and you're waiting for a new cycle to begin in order to jump into IVF. So, this morning after replying to a few emails I sifted through posts I've written and never published thinking that perhaps I'd find a little inspiration. I hit the jackpot. I'm not sure why this post wasn't ever published, but today is the day...

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible." - Christopher Reeve

I've been thinking about hope a lot lately. I am not one to put a TON of hope into any given cycle... it is easier that way. If there isn't much hope, there isn't much disappointment- or at least that is what I've tricked myself into thinking. However, I think I've been selling myself short. It is time to choose hope. I have recently realized that it is ok to hope with all I've got, because you know what? It is ok to be broken if after being hopeful it doesn't work out.

Bottom line, it is ok to fail.

Sure, it hurts and I am not very good at it, but there are lessons to be learned in the midst of failure. Lessons I am sure I need to learn. So here goes nothing, I am choosing hope.

...I love it! This post was the perfect reminder as we head into our IVF cycle. I will surely be remembering this as I put on my HOPE necklace every morning.

Don't let your dreams melt....

Having a dream you don't pursue

is like buying an ice cream cone

and watching it melt all over your hand.
-unknown

Boring...

Not much is new around here......

Although I am fairly confident that I ovulated on my own this month, I have zero hope for a natural pregnancy. In fact, I have my birth control ready to start taking once my period shows up some time next week.

I had kind of forgot what it felt like to not be trying...."things" are so much better when it isn't forced or scheduled.

A very socially awkward friend of ours asked my husband how the baby making was coming along. When he said fine, and added that he would start giving me shots soon she asked if it was still going to happen "the natural way." My husband replied that he didn't really think there was anything "natural" about shooting up with drugs in the name of baby making. She replied, "you know what I mean... like will it happen inside of her body or will someone else do it outside of her." Really? Do some people really have no boundaries? He said he was making it VERY obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, but she just kept prying. I wish I would have been there to put her in her place.

It is almost June... I can't believe we are almost ready to REALLY get started on this IVF cycle.

My love/hate relationship with our insurance company continues... 30 minutes on the phone this morning. Nothing like starting the day off right!

My Grandmother told me last week that I should "hurry up and get pregnant" .... if only it were that easy.

I got a new phone a couple of weeks ago and I've been keeping up with blogs on there. It makes it hard to comment often, but it has been nice way to pass the time waiting in doctor's offices.

I think that is about it... pretty boring around here!!!

Drugs...

As I said yesterday, I am now the proud owner of an IVF calendar. Along with knowing a rough outline of when things are going to happen, I also found out what medications I will be taking (and where)....

Birth Control
Prenatal Vitamin
81mg Aspirin
Doxycycline
Lupron
Dexamethasone
Menopur (intramuscular)
Follistim (thigh)
HCG Trigger (not sure exactly what I'll have)
Estrace (orally twice a day)
Endometrin (3 times per day)-- can I get three cheers for no PIO?!?!?!
Medrol

I was not super excited when she told me that they would like me to do the menopur as an IM injection and the follistim in the thigh, but I can do it. The nurse explained that these injections would be best absorbed in these locations and doing it this way would give me 3 different injection sights instead of taking all of them in the belly. I just have to keep telling myself... WHATEVER IT TAKES!!

I am SO ready!

A few more things from the checklist...

Mock Transfer: DONE! Everything went perfectly. It was a lot like an IUI, except the catheter is thinner and a little more floppy. While my doctor was inserting the transfer cath. the nurse was doing an abdominal ultrasound to visualize the tube..... oh.my.gosh. The nurse pressing on my pelvis while my bladder was super full was SO painful. I couldn't even worry about the cramping that was happening, because I was way more concerned that I might empty my bladder right there on my doctor's lap. Thankfully, it was quick!

Next up...

Doppler Ultrasound: DONE! This was just like having any normal vaginal ultrasound, but it was used to assess the blood flow to my uterus. Everything looked great and the measure came back right where they wanted it to be.

Then I got to empty my bladder... which was pretty much the best feeling EVER!

IVF Calendar: I HAVE IT! Although it isn't yet set in stone because we aren't positive when CD1 will be... I have it, and now have an outline of how things are going to progress.

Classes: Scheduled! Both classes are set up for June!

Prescriptions: I dropped off my BCP prescription this afternoon and heard from the pharmacy that I'm using for the remainder of my drugs. They have the prescription and will fill it when I'm ready to pick it up in early June!

Everything is finally coming together! It is kind of exciting that other than our two classes, we wont have any more appointments until late June. I told my nurse that I wasn't going to know what to do with all my free time!

This is really happening... SO EXCITING :)

Isaiah 58:11

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11

Is it possible? UPDATE!

I'm just wondering if it would be possible for some portion of infertility to go smoothly? I almost got ahead of myself yesterday when I began drafting a post about how close we were to DONE with our pre-IVF testing/teaching list. I was pleased at how easy everything had seemed to happen.... until this morning when my phone rang.

When I saw my clinic's name flash on my caller ID while I was our running some errand this morning I really thought nothing of it and quickly answered expecting to hear the voice of my nurse on the other end of the line letting me know that all of the infectious disease screen was in, and we were good to go. Uh, wrong.

As it turns out two of the tests that needed to be drawn were not (or possibly incorrectly drawn) so now we are missing two blood tests that are fairly important, and as far as I can tell, after looking at the Qu.est web page, one of them needs to be sent out of state for processing. PERFECT. It was our hope that all of the blood work would be complete by Monday's mock transfer/Doppler appointment and after that all we'd be waiting for was CD1.

So now, I am waiting in limbo to see what I need to do. Hopefully I can just have the tests re-drawn at my pcp's office saving me out of network lab charges as well as a 1.5 hour round trip drive into the clinic.... cross your fingers!!

On a MUCH happier note, I spoke with my insurance this week about my IVF meds and it looks like both oral and injectable fertility medications are have no limit and are paid at 100% after a co-pay! Lu.pron is the only possible issue, but it looks like the generic alternative is covered. IF i have to pay for lu.pron OOP, does anyone have any idea what kind of price tag I'm looking at?

UPDATE!!
Thankfully everything worked out. The lab was able to use the blood that had already been drawn to run the other two tests!!

One more down....

Well, I made it through another Mother's Day and another baby shower. It seems the closer we get to our IVF cycle (which will surely work!) the more relaxed I am about everything baby related. It feels good to let go of a little stress :)

The best news- my brother and SIL are not using any of our names!!!!!

Mother's Day Weekend...

This is likely one of my least favorite weekends of the year. It is like the whole world is trying to remind me with signs, cards, flowers and any other method possible that I am still waiting for my baby(ies).

For some reason this year I am oddly calm about the whole thing. Maybe it is because I am incredibly hopeful that IVF is going to work, or maybe it is because I have just reached the point where I KNOW that someday I will be celebrating this weekend with my babies- whatever it is I am grateful beyond measure.

The last couple of years the hubs and I have stayed home for mother's day and done fun things just the two of us. This year, we are heading out of town to visit my brother and VERY pregnant sister-in-law for the weekend. You might remember me saying that she was having a baby shower, but it turns out it is going to be more of a girls day out instead... thank goodness!! We decided to get a hotel instead of staying with the happy family of 3.5, which will give us a place to go if it gets to be a little much. But, in all honesty, I feel like I am going to be fine.

Don't get me wrong there are still a few things you could not get me to do even if you paid me this weekend... the one at the front of my mind is attend church. There is somethings horrible about being the only one above the age of 25 and married not standing when mother's are asked to stand and be recognized for all that they do. Shoot me.

I have the privilege to be tested for all kinds of infectious diseases bright and early Friday morning, meanwhile E over at Dreaming of Babies will be having blood drawn for her beta.... lets hope she is the only one getting positive results tomorrow!!!

Toxic...

I can't believe I forgot to add this little gem to yesterday's post...

My clinic is in a building that is attached to a hospital. The lower 3 levels are parking and then there are a few floors of offices and a sky bridge over to the main part of the hospital. After parking and making my way into the elevator area (seriously the SLOWEST elevator of all time) I waited for an elevator going up with a group of people. As I stood there I tried to determine where everyone was headed....

35-40 year old woman: By the nervousness that was emitting from her, I deduced that she would be following me up to the 3rd floor and walking into that barely marked white door right behind me. - For the record, I was right.

80 year old man with a walker: My guess was 3rd floor... maybe headed over the sky bridge to see his wife in the hospital. - Sure enough, he exited on the third floor and made his way over the sky bridge.

Woman in her late twenties with her mother: Judging by the smiles and general happiness of these two I was sure they'd be heading up higher in the building than I was. All of the pregnant women do, there must be an OB office up there. This woman wasn't showing, but I could tell. I can always tell. - They went up to the 4th floor. Lucky.

My stellar skills as an investigator are not the highlight of this elevator ride... it was the second passenger listed that takes the cake. When the door on the elevator closed he began to pass gas. Not super loud, but it was certainly noticeable. Now this was NOT your average passing of gas.... it lasted from the moment the door closed to just before it reopened. Then, when we proceeded out the door of the elevator he had what my brothers have always referred to as "the walking farts" .... a little gas with every step.

Perhaps my blood pressure had nothing to do with nerves... maybe it had everything to do with being exposed to toxic gas!

CD 2...

...24 resting follies...
...E2: 41...

...FSH: 4.68...
...TSH: 1.34...

Everything looked great today for my baseline ultrasound and blood work appointment. The only cause for concern was my blood pressure being abnormally high. My BP is often higher at the doctor's office, but today's reading was a little higher than usual. They took it twice, but the first time was after dealing with some insurance issues and the second was after a little blood work mix up. It wasn't exactly a calming afternoon! So, needless to say now I am BP watch and I'm sure it will now be checked every time I step foot into the clinic- BOO! However, on the way home this afternoon I realized that I had yet to eat anything today (dang you metformin!) maybe that could have caused the crazy blood pressure?

More blood work later this week.
An establishing PCP appointment and blood work for the hubs next week.
Mock transfer and Doppler ultrasound the following week.

Here We Go...

Today marks the beginning of the testing and teaching cycle pre-IVF.

Tomorrow I'll have some blood drawn and a baseline ultrasound.

10-13 days later I'll have another ultrasound to check blood flow and the trial transfer.

At some point in there we will also sit through a two hour class learning everything there is to know about IVF from our clinic's IVF nursing staff and embryologist.

The ball is rolling.... nothing too exciting will be happening for awhile, but things are finally MOVING!!!

I'm on the right path... I guess...

"I failed my way to success"

Thomas Edison

... I must be on my way!!!