Updates!

It has been so long since I've written much other than a monthly update for the boys. So here are a few bullet point to get things caught up!

• Insurance is still lame. I was denied by another company for a private policy, so we've decided for the moment to have Hubs continue working where he is. On the plus side, the infertility coverage remains, and depending on how long he stays at this job we may be able to use the remainder of our IVF benefits.
• Depending on the above, baby number three may be thought about sooner than originally planned. Likely closer to a year from now instead of two this is both exciting and terrifying at the moment!
• We went on a family vacation a couple of weeks ago. Nothing too grand, we just rented a great big house and hung out for five days! Relaxing and fun!
• I am still taking met.formin... on the days I actually remember. I was SO good about it when I was on it and trying to get pregnant. Now? Not as much. I'm hoping to get better about it, because I know it will help.
• My lack of summer clothing is somewhat comical. I was hugely pregnant last summer and the summer before I didn't buy many new things because I was doing IVF and hopeful I'd be pregnant and expanding soon. So, that leaves me with things that are a few years old, a little dated and worn out! Its time to go shopping I guess!
• Over the weekend hubs and I removed some furniture from our living room and rearranged it so we could add a large-ish gated area for the boys. They are both crawling and climbing now and we had to do something before I went INSANE!
• 9 month sleep regression... not my favorite. 9 month sleep regression coupled with two babies with a cold... a little slice of hell. 
• The boys HATE finger food. H will try a few things, A turns his head and clinches his lips. Any tips tricks, food ideas?!?
• We're in the market for convertible car seats and a side by side smallish (reclining) double stroller.... any recommendations?
• I'm so excited for summer! Farmer's markets, festivals and fun outing with my little family on the weekends- pure joy!
• We finally put both cribs back in the nursery- I love the way it looks!
• I currently have one child napping in the swing that I need to return to a friend- They haven't been in it in months because I was trying to wean them from it. Buuuut, mama would do anything for a little nap time with two cranky stuffy babies
• It seems insane that we are already starting to semi-plan the boys' birthday party! We are really excited and want it to be plenty special for our little guys-- I have approximately one million craft project to complete in the next three months.
• My husband asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I grew up. I responded first with 'am I not grown up?' and second with 'I'm doing exactly what I've always dreamed about. Being a mom and taking care of my family.' It is not always (or ever really!) a glamorous job, but it is pretty close to perfection in my book!

Insurance

Ugh.

This morning has been upsetting... I'm not sure that word even encompasses all I've felt.

In the past several months Hubs has been considering a new job. It was never his long term plan to be there forever, but it was easy to stay- the money is good, the insurance is great and he really likes the people. This past week he received a job offer. While the position is a fantastic fit, their health insurance options are not the best. Being a small company (compared to the very large one he currently works for) the premiums are HIGH... like nearly 3x what we are currently paying for amazing (infertility included) coverage. We were willing to walk away from our IVF coverage to the possibilities that were in front of us, and even take a slight pay cut all with a plan for the boys and I to get a private health insurance policy for a significantly reduced rate. Sure it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be doable. Until I was denied. I have to be honest, I was surprised. I knew infertility could be a problem, but I guess I just assumed (obviously incorrectly) that since it  is not covered under this policy that it would be a non-issue. Wrong.

It is upsetting because while I do still very much identify with the infertility community, I feel like it is behind me to some extent. We have three more embryos we intend to try with, but I feel pretty resolved at this point- if they don't produce a pregnancy, I'm finished with treatments. I get that I may change my mind, but I have been in such a great place since becoming pregnant with our boys. Today, well today reminded me of the hurt I felt before. That failure feeling- because now this possibly great fit job for my husband may have to be declined because we need to stay with our group health plan- because once again my reproductive system is getting in the way of the plans we have for our family.

Thankfully my husband does not blame me in any way for this. Infertility has always been something that was an 'us' thing, not a 'me' problem. I am so very thankful for this fact, and for the fact that he sees how this all hurts me and generally knows just what to say. He has been nothing but gracious this morning, saying if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. He is ok with having to continue on at his current employer if it is what it takes. He really is an amazing provider for our family.

I just wish infertility didn't have to steal our joy once more.

Nine Months...

• A's second tooth- bottom left broke the surface (4/17/13)
• Both of the boys have two top teeth that have broken the surface. Those gums are super puffy! Thankfully, both boys are in fairly good spirits. Teething doesn't seem to bother A at all, while H is a bit more sensitive. 
• The boys tried their first non-prepared baby foods. The first was mashed sweet potato.... SERIOUS HATE! Next they tried more of a finger food- avocado. They tried to feed it to themselves and I helped a bit too. They weren't too sure, but there wasn't (as much) gagging like with the sweet potato. Other finger foods we've tried include toast with mashed avocado, banana, cheerios and watermelon. 
• We moved their crib.  Just to the other side of our room so they weren't sleeping RIGHT next to me. Shortly after, and before I had planned, we moved the boys to the nursery and into separate cribs. On the same night they began rolling over in their swaddles which is super unsafe, so the following night we went cold turkey- no swaddles, no more sharing a crib and into the nursery! It has been a success from night one. Every once in a while teething gets the best of us, but for the most part is has been great!
• A needed his first band aid for something other than a shot. He tore his toenail while trying out his walker. 
• The boys are in love with their new playroom. We spend a lot of time in the living room, so when they start to get cranky we move the the playroom- perfect distraction for them, and I occasionally get a few photos edited!
• We started phasing out the swings. I moved them to the nursery and decided if we needed to use them the boys could swing/catnap in their room. I can see out our patio door again, just in time for summer!
• Both boys are now mostly in size 3 diapers (A is finishing off the 2s) and generally wearing 9m clothing except shorts... A is wearing 3-6m shorts.
• The boys generally sleep 9-10 hours per night and take two naps per day each somewhere between an hour or two. Depending on when the first two naps take place there might be one quick evening nap between dinner and bedtime. 
• A is fully army crawling and has started to do the real crawl- H is much more content to just sit where you put him. He gets around both scooting, rolling and the occasional army crawl, but is no where near as fast or determined as his little brother!
• We got the boys a pool- they LOVE it!
• They both love to spend their days outside. On average we are probably outside for at least 3-4 hours a day when it is sunny and warm. Thank goodness because we seriously neglected our yard when I was hugely pregnant last summer- now we want to spend tons of time out there so its time to get it back in shape :)
• When the boys were swaddled for naps and nighttime they used to get into their crib fully awake, now they prefer a bit of snuggle time and rocking with mama some days. It seems like a bit of a step backward, but I don't really mind, they wont want me like this forever. 

On Food:

We are feeding the boys 3 meals of solids most days. There are days they just aren't ready in the mornings and I'm not really forcing it. They take four 7oz bottles each day, so the vast majority of their calories/nutrition are still coming from formula. We have tried several finger foods, none of which are always a hit. Occasionally they will eat something, but the majority of the time they greatly prefer something mashed up on a spoon.

Since I'm already late, this will have to do! I have a feeling these updates will be getting shorter and shorter because the boys are getting busier and busier!

We did have their 9m well exam just a few days late where we found out the boys are both growing well and continue to thrive! H is just over 20lbs now and A is just shy of 19... no wonder those infant car seats feel like they have bricks in them!

Met.formin Round Two...

I went in Saturday morning to have my blood levels tested as a preliminary assessment for the met.formin therapy I've been considering. It appears that met.formin is certainly an option and shouldn't have my levels swinging too far in the wrong direction provided it is taken correctly. For my own record- my fasting level was exactly the same as it was 2010, just a couple points above the 'normal' range, and far from the diabetic range.

I've decided to give it a try with the thought that I don't have to continue taking it if at some point it just doesn't feel right anymore. I do have a few PCOS-esque symptoms floating around and I'd love to nip them now rather than try to reverse things later when we are ready for an FET. Since I'm not trying to get pregnant, and I'm not hugely IR my doctor suggested cautiously treating. I'm starting with 500 mg once a day and then once I'm ready I've move to twice a day and remain there.

I've been here before. I took met.formin for about a year and a half while we were going through treatments with our RE (500mg 3x/day) and while the stomach upset did bother me at first, it completely corrected some of my poor eating habits- which isn't a horrible side effect! After the first bit on the medication the side effects started to dwindle (partially because I'd realized what I COULD NOT eat) and the PCOS symptoms did the same. You wont hear me complaining if it also causes me to lose weight like the last time- nothing wrong with that! I'm hopeful met.formin will be helpful in getting/staying healthy and ready to carry another baby once the time is right.

I'll be continuing to take a combination birth control pill until we are ready to try again. In our estimation that is likely a couple years down the road still. I'm fairly certain my thoughts on the matter will change several times between now and then, but right now I'm thinking I'll be ready to try again sometime around the boys' third birthday. Though, if I know myself, it will be hard for me not to want to try closer to their second birthday :)

Eight Months!

Time is still flying by, and the boys are growing like crazy. Each day we are on to new things and as much as I LOVE it, I know it means they are growing up and it hurts my mama heart just a little :)

This month we had several firsts--

• We went to the beach for the first time- it was cold and almost rainy so we quickly took a few photos and went back to the beach house. The boys have not yet actually touched sand. 
• H started sitting unassisted consistently and about 3 weeks later A is following suit!
• Both boys have learned rolling is a way from here to there and both continue to scoot backwards on their bellies CONSTANTLY. 
• A loves to lay on his belly with his legs under the couch. 
• We went to our first baby shower that wasn't for us!
• The boys stayed with my parents for the first time while Mommy and Daddy went to dinner and dessert without them-- I realized two hours away from them was LONG ENOUGH!
• The boys had their first bath in the kitchen sink! We used one of the bathtub ring/chairs suctioned down in the sink- they LOVED it!
• We put them down in the grass for the first time-- A didn't see what all the fuss was about, H scrunched his face and wasn't sure at first, but then was more than willing to wrestle with his brother a little. 
• The first very real, unprompted kiss. H was laying on the floor with his lollie in his mouth A scooted over and studied him for probably 2 minutes, reached over grabbed his lollie out of his mouth, kissed him right on the mouth (open mouth and all!), replaced his lollie and went about his business. Meanwhile I was a complete pile of mush at the sweetness I had just observed! 
• We celebrated their first Easter with baskets of goodies before church. H slept through church and A spent most of the service spitting up on me- motherhood :)
• They had their first taste of much thicker cereal and we are not looking back-- feeding time is significantly less messy.
• We took the boys out for cart food for the first time. It was pouring down rain, but what else would we expect in the NW!
• H got his first and second tooth! (For my own record : bottom R 3/25/13, bottom L 4/3/13)
• A got his first tooth- perhaps that isn't quite true, his first tooth has broken the surface (bottom R 4/8/13)
• We let the boys suck on (while we held it) a slice of apple. H wasn't sure about the flavor, but loved sinking his teeth into it. A just drooled all over it and made a sour face. 
• Both seem very close to crawling, but we'll see!

At the beginning of the month the boys were eating two large-ish solid meals per day along with 4-5 bottles of formula. We've since moved to three meals most days all smaller than before and it seems to be working out for everyone. I try to feed them in their highchairs at least once per day, otherwise they sit in the bumbo or if we are on the go they eat a pouch of food right in their carseats-- those pouches of food are amazing. In addition to solid meals they are also having 3 6oz bottles and one 7oz bottle daily.

Otherwise, things are moving right along. One of our favorite things right now is putting them into their saucers to play for a bit while we eat, watch a show on tv, or tackle any other project. They turn toward each other and scream and laugh. I know I've said it before, but I LOVE how special their bond is. They are quick to worry about/comfort the other when he is upset and it warms my heart every.single.time.

A had to make a trip to the doctor this month for a reflux checkup. He had started throwing up more again and we were curious if he needed his dose increased. That coupled with the fact that he wasn't yet  sitting and often spitting up when he was put into that position to practice made us think his reflux/tummy trouble might be causing some delay in sitting because of discomfort. Even while spitting up what seems like CONSTANTLY the kiddo had still gained weight and is moving closer and closer to the average growth curve. He still remains on the tiny side in just the 14th percentile for weight, but that is a huge leap from the 4th just two months ago-- we must be doing something right! We increased his dose as he was no longer in the therapeutic range with his weight increase, so hopefully that will help the spitting up and make him feel better overall!

Another month has come and gone and I expect the next few will be much the same, especially with summer on the way. We are loving our little family of four and have such content hearts... FINALLY! It feels so good to be at a place in our lives where we can just live and be happy. I wonder once in awhile about the possibility of another baby someday, but for the moment I am so incredibly happy where we are.

Met.formin

Quick question for any PCOS'ers that are still sticking around to read my sporadic (at best!) posts....

My RE mentioned at some point during my treatment that it might be a good idea to go back on met.formin after the birth of our babies/breastfeeding. We didn't talk about it too much, she just said it might help control the PCOS symptoms and I didn't give it a lot of thought at the time because it seemed like a long way off. Well, here I am. Done breast feeding and obviously no longer pregnant- and while I am no where near ready to start trying to get pregnant again, I am thinking about how important it will be for my body to be in the best state it can be once we are ready.

So, my question is this... Did you go back on met.formin after having your baby/ies as more of a maintenance medication for PCOS rather than a drug in conjunction with fertility treatments? 

I saw my primary care doctor today for a thyroid check-up and talked with her about the possibility of starting back on met.formin. She was receptive to the idea, but said we first needed to check my fasting glucose level and my HA1C to ensure that the met.formin wouldn't be adversely effecting my blood sugar.

Another installment of 'If you don't have anything nice to say....'

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Seriously. Generally moms of twins or more have a fairly good grasp on what twin parenting is like. I would say typically they are happy to commiserate, but they are also quick to build up another twin parent and be encouraging. Yesterday, not so much. 

It had been a trying day already. I had finally gotten brave enough to try the library story time. It is for 0-12m olds, but they ask you not to bring your child if they are 'having a hard day' or 'leave the group if they become upset'. Well, what are the chances that both of my children will behave 'correctly' for the same 45 minutes? I decided it was time to step out of my comfort zone and just try it- if we failed miserably I gave myself permission to never go back. After making the decision I raced around the house trying to get us ready to be at the library by 11. Finally as I was sweating and putting the boys into their car seats I have the grand idea  that I should double check the time-- 10:30, not 11. There was no way we were going to make it, and now that we were ready-ish to leave the house there was no way I was just unpacking them and staying home. 

So, we skipped story time and headed to an outlet mall that is pretty close by. We spent the early afternoon shopping and the boys were fantastic. They both napped, chattered and easily took their pouch of food on the go. Our day had been redeemed! 

Until I decided to make a quick stop at the grocery store on the way home to buy some coffee and cream. They boys again were perfect in the store. H spent his time growling at the passers by and A gnawed on a teething ring. When we got to the register to pay, the checker immediately told me that she too has twins. I smiled and asked their age, thinking this would go similar to many of my positive interactions with twin parents. It did not. From that moment on she said the following things to me.

• Mine are 14 and AWFUL. Soak in this time, it only gets worse. 
• When I found out I was having twins all I cared about was that one of them be a girl because I would have never survived. 
• You have two boys, I am SO SORRY. 
• I'm not kidding, it really is horrible. 
• Do you remember how absolutely horrific the first 3 months were? Didn't you just want to give them back?
• They are really cute, but that wont last. 

She then just tried and tried to get me to bad mouth my children and my experiences with them thus far. Which I obviously did not give into. I just kept saying things like I can't imagine life without them, they've actually been really easy and  I guess preparing ourselves for it to be really difficult paid off.

I do not understand people like this. Especially mothers. Are we not supposed to build one another up and encourage each other to do the best we can? I know motherhood doesn't look the same for everyone and judging by this woman's age she was likely pretty young when she surprisingly became pregnant with twins and may not have been blessed with many of the things that have made twin motherhood easier for me, but here is the thing... encouraging another person doesn't cost a thing, and often it is the best gift you can give. 

So even though this lady obviously left a bad taste in my mouth, she also served as a reminder of the mother I want to be. The one who tries hard to see the positive, the mother who doesn't speak poorly of her children (especially to strangers!) and the woman who builds up other moms.