Break-up...

I am breaking up with Dr. Google.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to consult him (Dr. Google IS a man, right?) on the many ins and outs of infertility and the treatments that go along with it. For example, PCOS patients and injectable meds. Let's just say the two aren't always a match made in heaven when it comes to IUI. Luckily in addition my case being fairly mild, we are starting off pretty slow on the stims.

My less than fruitful encounters with the good doctor have been scary to say the least. It has been story after story of canceled cycles, OHSS or my personal favorite 20 days of stims. Uh, no thank you to all three. The 20 days of stims stresses me out a little considering I've only done two injections and I already have two bruises. Not that I was planning to show off my less than flat belly anytime soon, but it would be nice to be able to wear pants at the end of this without wincing in pain as they are buttoned in the morning. Bruising on top of bloating seems like a really uncomfortable scenario!

I just keep reminding myself daily that this is TOTALLY worth it, and deep down I believe that. Even when those words are said wreaking of sarcasm every once in awhile :)

Easy...

... an ice pack to the stomach, a quick stab and a tiny bit of blood. The first follistim dose has been injected and it was nothing!

Cycle Day 2

I had my baseline ultrasound and estradiol draw this morning. Everything looks great. I have several antral follicles on both sides (currently nothing larger than 5.5mm) and I'm free of cysts! Estradiol came back nice and low at 38, so I start injections tomorrow night. We are taking this first cycle low and slow. My doctor's reasoning was that I have a lot of eggs, I'm young and I usually respond well to medication. I'm starting at 75iu (is that the measurement?) per night and I'll go back next Thursday for another ultrasound and another round of blood work.

After my appointment I headed to the pharmacy and picked up all of my medication. I now have vials of follistim and ovidrel in my refrigerator, needles and a sharps container in my bathroom and a bottle of progesterone suppositories in my drawer. Making a baby looks A LOT different than it did two and half years ago. So much more... what's the word... SEXY. Riiiiiight.

A Page is Turned...

Today is cycle day one, and I can't help but feel like a page has turned and we are beginning a new chapter of our infertility story. With that said, I am reminded of a song that was played on our wedding day. I am forever grateful that God prepared for me the perfect partner to face this battle with, someone to hold me up when I've come undone. Which, to be totally honest, happens rather frequently these days!

A Page Is Turned: Bebo Norman

A page is turned by the wind to a boy in curly grin
With a world to conquer at the age of ten
But as history unfolds and the storybook is told
He finds salvation but not at the hands of man

And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him, the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand
Your day has come

A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail

And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance
Through a world that isn't kind
And all this time, preparing her the one
To hold her up when she comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And grown up tall, here you are
Your day has come

Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand
And warm within the ardor, she took his heart instead
And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand
Just for her hand

A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand
Your day has come

After 3 hours on the phone with the insurance company, clinic and pharmacy it looks like all of my drugs are finally ordered and approved! I have a baseline and blood work tomorrow morning at 9 and then we are on our way to our first injectable cycle! Yahoo!

I'm little resentful...

... that infertility is slowly taking over more and more of my life. Sure there have been appointments that are a time suck, also the side effects from the drugs, but now there is the addition of having to be home at a certain time each evening for 8-12 days to jab myself with the follistim pen. I haven't even started yet, and it is already cramping my style! I am going to have to decline a dinner invitation for this weekend because we will likely be starting the injections that night.

Lame, but totally worth it!

The Results Are In....

... and they are the same as they've been for the last two and a half years- negative.

So, later this week we'll turn a page in our infertility story. I will head in for a baseline and go pick up my meds at the pharmacy near the clinic. We will start all over again, but at least this time we are changing our protocol. Follistim. Who wants to warn me about how much it hurts? More than ovidrel?

Charting...

I have a love/hate relationship with charting. On one hand, it makes me feel like I am doing something to help figure out my body, but on the other it kind of makes me neurotic.

Case in point....


I know it is totally blurry (if you click on it is MUCH more clear), but you get the idea. It looks great and gives me loads of hope, but at the same time I keep talking myself out of being hopeful because guarding my heart seems like a better plan. Do those of you who are IUI'ing still chart your temp, or do you 'just relax' and wait it out? I think next cycle I might throw it out the window, but the thought kinda makes me anxious!!!