Mother of the year...

Last night we tried crying it out... unintentionally.

Yeah, you caught that right.

Sometime in our bedtime routine the monitor fell into a basket of books and the microphone was covered. I'm fairly sure A slept all night as he normally does. H on the other hand... he never, ever makes it all night. I have to at least get up once to locate his lollie and give it back to him. Most nights there is some rocking, and a lot of nights he just ends up in our bed. So when I woke up this morning I was SO proud of him. Until I heard the boys fussing down the hall and not a peep coming from our monitor. Ugh. I feel horrible that my little guys could have (and likely did) need me in the night and I wasn't there to come check on them. H has been acting super sleepy today which only makes me feel worse!

GUILT!

Maybe all we needed to make our boy sleep was one, unintentional night of crying it out.... I'm not holding my breath, but it would make me feel better!

365 Days...

That is how long I've been a Mama to babies on the outside of my body. Surely I was their Mama from the moment they were created, but one year is how long I've been snuggling, feeding, diapering, kissing, and taking care of every need of our boys. I can't believe an entire year has passed already. I remember that day- what seems like every single moment, right down to the words that were said and the looks that were exchanged between my husband and I in the hours leading up to our debut as parents. I remember shaking in the OR and my OB calmly reassuring me that not only would everything be fine, but that my babies would know my love for them from the moment they took their first breath on the outside of my body. I can recall how everything looked around me as I laid eyes on each of my boys for the first time. So many sweet memories from that day. I will cherish that day for as long as I live, the day every ounce of hurt, pain, longing and frustration became really and truly worth it.. the day I became a mom.

This year looks a bit different than last year. I will still be waking up early, though with any luck it wont be AS early. Instead of driving to the hospital with great anticipation, instead we'll walk down our hallway, and watch with great anticipation as they discover their birthday gifts from us and navigate a hallway of streamers and balloons. And instead of not eating breakfast, I'll join my sweet little pancake lovers for some blueberry treats. This afternoon we'll hit up the fountain park and watch them explore a place they love and maybe they'll get a little taste of ice cream when we're done playing. Tonight we'll tuck our sweet little boys into their cribs with their pacifiers and the burp clothes they treat like blankies, and instead of being slightly terrified like we were on that first night in the hospital, we'll give each other the same look we give each other every night.... the one that says 'how could we love them any more?' 'We've finally got this figured out' and 'thanks for making me a mom/dad' all in one simple little glance.

It has easily been the hardest, most fulfilling BEST year of my entire life. I wouldn't change one moment of it- I can't wait to see what their second year has in store for us!

Any Ideas?

1. Sippy cups.... the boys are not good at them. I give them a sippy cup with water each day (ok, most days) in addition to their three bottles and three meals- usually they end up being banged on the tray and everyone ends up a little more wet than I'd planned. It isn't for lack of trying though- I think we have six different types of cups. If you have a favorite let me know!

2. Nighttime waking.... I am willing to admit we've done VERY little in terms of sleep training. We've broken a lot of 'rules' and I'm not really sorry about any of it. I've loved having my babies in bed with me from time to time, but we are reaching a point where H is finding his way into our bed early every morning. I'd like to fix this, but the boys do share a room, so letting him fuss/cry it out isn't really an option. When he gets picked up and brought to our room he is usually either asleep before he gets to our room, or shortly after he gets into our bed. Occasionally we do rock him in his room and put him back down once he falls asleep, but to be honest, we are too tired for that most of the time! Last night I tried not bringing him to our bed... I got up to rock him every two hours and he required a bottle to go to sleep the final time.

3. Diapers... my boys have always been more on the side of constipated than the other direction. In the recent weeks we've had some issues in that department that we haven't been used to. I can count on both hands how many times we've had to change an outfit because of poop in the last year between TWO babies... I'd say half of those have been in the last month. I don't think it has anything to do with the diapers we are using- it has to do with the poo... which I have to assume is due to the food. I fed the boys the BRAT diet for a few days and it seemed to get a little better, but then I introduced oatmeal again and this morning A wished me a happy anniversary with a full diaper and poo up his back-- gross! Could it just be a yucky stomach that needs to heal, or are our oatmeal days numbered?

4. Birthdays.... its almost the boys' first birthday and I have no idea what to get them. We just spent $800 on car seats and a new stroller, so maybe that is gift enough! What did you do for a first birthday gift, or did you skip it because they have no idea and your family spoiled your kiddo rotten anyway?!?!

5. Pacifiers... We had every intention (a year ago, and maybe even 6 months ago) to take away the lollies when the boys turned one. I'm just not sure they are ready... and I'm even more sure I am not ready! But, our doctor has told us time and time again that it is in the end easier for them the younger they are-- less attached and all that jazz. Ideas? Bottles will be happening shortly too (after we master the sippy) so if you have tips on that one I'll gladly take those too!

What do you do?

The boys are almost one, and I am finally feeling like I can make some commitments and plan to do some things on a weekly/monthly basis. Hubs and I have lived in this general metro area for about 7 years, and while we have a few friends, very few of them have small children, and those who do, don't stay home with them. So, I don't have play dates (does anyone else despise that term?) on the calendar and really we spend most of our days alone at home. It is fine, the boys have a built in playmate, but I'm ready to get out some more. 

I've been looking into some options, and I'm interested to know what you've done with your kiddos. Right now a few options I'm looking at are...

• Joining MOPS
• Getting back to the gym and leaving the boys in childcare
• Going to a community playgroup co-op
• Braving story time at the library
• Joining the multiples club in our area

I know getting out will be good for all three of us, but I am not the best at meeting new people. We are also currently looking for a church, so maybe that will drag up some more opportunities. 

So tell me, what have you done to get out of the house with your kids? Did you love it, hate it, wish you'd done it sooner?!?!?

Taking care of twins...

I know I often gloss over many aspects of raising twins, touting it as the best days of my life. And while these days are nothing short of amazing, it is really hard work. I commend moms who stay home with their twins full time and remain sane, because in reality while I don't leave my home every day to take care of someone else's 36 small children as I used to, this IS indeed a JOB and it is hard work.

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A few days before the holiday weekend I hurt my back. Though it wasn't too bad, I was noticing the pain when I bent down to pick up the boys and felt stiff in the mornings. I didn't think too much of it and we hopped into the car on the morning of the 4th to head down the freeway to see our families for the holiday weekend. 2 hours in the car without a ton of leg room was a horrible idea in hindsight. I spent much of that Thursday in a lot of pain. I nursed it, took pain medication and by the following morning I was feeling much better. We took a walk that morning in an effort to loosen things up and I was feeling pretty well on Friday. By Saturday and Sunday I was able to do most things and was really in little to no pain. Then after meeting family for breakfast on Sunday morning we hopped back in the car and drove home. When we arrived back, I jumped out of the car at a neighbors house where we were watering the lawn, and then when I got back out at our house I felt it-- the pain was back. Not horrible, but I still declined getting the boys out of the car or unpacking the car just in case. I spent about an hour unpacking a few things in the house, starting the laundry and feeding the boys lunch. After we'd completed all of our chores from returning home Hubs and I sat down with some food and watched a show on net.flix. Against my better judgement I decided to lay down on our very soft sofa to finish the show. Possibly the worst idea I have EVER had. Ouch! I started feeling like I needed to use the restroom so I tried to get up... not happening. Feeling pretty fearful I was going to wet my pants right there on the couch, I started trying to get myself to the floor to crawl to the bathroom. After probably and hour, some crying and a lot of pain I made it to the bathroom to take care of business. This was obviously way more pain than I had been in previously that weekend so I started to get worried. I tried all of my husband's low back pain tricks and nothing really helped I was in so much pain that I wasn't even interested in eating.

***sidenote, while explaining to my husband that this was the worst pain I had ever been in, he got a puzzled face, and said 'even childbirth?' to which I reminded him I'd been drugged and cut open.... Really? It hasn't even been a year yet and you've forgotten? Hilarious conversation!***

Not only was I hurting, I was also starting to feel guilty that Hubs was going to have to take care of the boys on his own while I healed. I'm not sure why this was such a worry to me. I've done it many times when he needed to be rested for work or wasn't feeling well- while hard work, it is in fact doable. I think more than anything it is just hard for me to give up the things I do every single day for my babies.

Anyway, that was Sunday, and I was in no shape to be left alone with the boys on Monday, so Hubs worked from home to help us. Then Tuesday my Mom came and stayed until Thursday evening so Hubs could go into work for a few days  and then he stayed with us again on Friday and obviously through the weekend.

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I add that whole story, because it really wasn't until I was laying on a lawn chair, with ice on my back in my living room that I realized just how hard my job is. (We don't furnish our living room with outdoor furniture it was just the only thing other than my bed that I could stand being in) When it was hubs taking care of our boys it was different, more effortless. He does it most evenings and on the weekend, so while it is still a lot of work he is somewhat used to it all. However, watching my mom who is not used to taking care of two 11 month olds all day- I was exhausted just watching her. She really did a fantastic job, but when I'm in my day I don't really notice all the millions of little things I do for the boys all.day.long. I thought MANY times, how do I do this everyday? I'm in no way trying to toot my own horn or make stay at home moms sound higher or mightier than those moms that go back to work. I'm just trying to be real- this is hard work. I vow now to no longer feel like I've failed the day if there is a load of laundry in the washing machine that is going to have to be re-washed the following morning or if my kitchen is a mess, or if I fall into my bed at night and just barely kiss my husband good night. Because I'm doing big work around here. I'm raising two little boys into what I hope will be strong, hardworking, loving men someday. And really, all those other things are of little importance when I look at the bigger picture.

Sometimes it just takes a living room lawn chair moment to bring you back to reality and remind you how well you really are doing and also what is really important.

Well, That is Embarrassing!

So, for weeks I was reading blogs urging people to swap blog readers because google.reader was going to be no more. I kept thinking- gosh google.reader must be great if so many people use it-- Hmmm, I guess I missed the boat on that one. Imagine both my surprise and embarrassment when one morning I clicked on my blog reading app on my phone and... oh weird, there is nothing there. Turns out I'd been using it for the last couple of years to read blogs on my phone. Its ok, call me an idiot, I totally felt like one in that moment. I then downloaded blog.lovin' and it seems to be working ok so far, but I'm pretty sure when I try to leave a comment on a blog from my phone it isn't working so I'll need to get that figured out.

Second funny for the day-- I was just getting blog.lovin a little more organized and I had a bit of a slip and nearly added THIS blog to my pregnant and parenting group... perhaps my subconscious is onto something-- either way, it gave me a good laugh!

Eleven Months...

Holy cow I can't believe this is the last monthly post I'll make before my sweet, tiny 6lb 5oz and 7lb 11oz babies are ONE! The time has flown by and in a blink of an eye here we are eleven months into parenthood- nothing is sweeter. When I think of my former self one year ago, I'm thankful today on this warm summer day, my babies are on the outside, cooling off in a tiny baby pool instead of inside my belly! Those were some pretty uncomfortably warm days last summer :)

On to the update...

• This month the boys went on their first hotel vacation. A was a sleeping champ, H... not so much. It wasn't totally horrible, but it wasn't the best sleep I've had in my life! Days were great on our trip, so those made up (mostly) for rather sleepless nights. In H's defense he was working on about 4 teeth at once!
• Speaking of teeth A currently has 6 and H has 7, and is working on number 8.
• Both can crawl FAST. They both have started pulling up to stand and are cruising around the baby gate in their play area. I've caught H once standing withing holding on.
• They are getting to be better and better eaters, but still would rather be fed. They have three meals per days and usually one snack of puffs or cheerios and some water in a sippy cup. The sippy cup is still sort of an elusive skill even though we have nearly every option on the market. 
• This month we got a new stroller and we LOVE it. If other twin mamas are wondering, we decided on the Ci.ty Mini Doub.le GT after A LOT of research. It works great and we have yet to find a doorway we can't get through!
• Also new this month are convertible carseats! I was really worried about this transition, but so far so good... fingers crossed! We went with Ch.icco Nex.tfits for the boys and like them a lot. They actually allowed us to gain some legroom in the front seat from our snug.ride 30s!!! That was a BIG win! And, it took more time to remove the infant seat bases than it did to install the new seats- they are incredibly user friendly!
• A continues to take reflux medication, but in the last week we've started only giving it to him at night. It seems to be fine- he is spitting up much less often these days. When the doctor told us he'd likely out grow it at around a year I didn't really believe her... turns out she may have be right-- thank goodness!
• H learned to clap this month and it was often accompanied by something that sounds a lot like yay! I assume because that is what we often are saying when we clap for them. 
• Both A and H wave every once in awhile it is certainly not a mastered skill, but it is really stinking cute when they do it.   
• We left the boys with my parents for only the second time this month. This was the first time we went out alone since having the boys. We went to a nice fondue dinner for my birthday. (remember the great met.formin debate? yeah, not a good mix with fondue!)
• This month we celebrated the boy's first 4th of July and Father's day! We spent the 4th with family and we did many things for father's day including the boys' first MLS soccer match (they both napped through some intense noise with their ear protection on!) went to the beach and wandered through a car show. 
• Their favorite toys are currently things that light up or make noise... they have the most annoying fire truck that I bought at a multiples consignment sale for really cheap that they are obsessed with. I turn off the sound all the time, but unfortunately, the little buggers have gotten smart and have figured out how to turn it back on!
• We're down to three bottles per day and it makes my life SO MUCH easier! They take three 7oz bottles between meals- mid morning, mid afternoon and bedtime!
• As much as I wish they did not, they LOVE TV. Mickey is their favorite, but Jake is a close second.
• They are both still in size 3 diapers during the day and a size 4 overnight. They wear mostly 9 month clothes with many 6 month things mixed in especially tops and shorts for A. A even wears a few 3month summer things. H wears some 12month jammies because he is getting so tall. 
• H is a serious offender when it comes to pacifier stealing. It makes me excited to be done with them because it is a fight often. We'd love to be done with them all together, but I think the first transition is going to be only in their cribs or carseats. 
• A has a serious love of all things cozy. He LOVES a blanky (nothing specific) or even a burp cloth will do. He will often clam down and fall asleep as soon as you have him a burp cloth and his lollie. 
• A has had some issues with mild diaper rash since we've become more adventurous with food. We've become more relaxed about the 'one new thing per couple of days' thing so it makes it difficult to know what exactly is causing it. But I think the last two times it has been berries. I don't think he is allergic more intolerant, I'm just not sure he is ready for them. Weird though, because strawberries are fine.. it is just darker berried and raspberries. Maybe too acidic for him yet?
• We went to our first splash park.... they LOVED it. The water was pretty darn cold, but they still had a lot of fun! We will for sure do that again soon. 

I'm sure there are many more things to remember, but this will have to do! I'm nursing a very sore back (post to come soon on that one!) and have a million things to catch up on!