In laws.

I have so many updates to write, but tonight, I have to get something off my chest. In-laws. Bleck. I really do love mine, but I get beyond frustrated with them. They are great, and I do appreciate all they've done for us, but when it comes to our kids they drive me CRAZY.

Today's transgression is this (and feel free to tell me I'm over reacting):

Several months ago hubs and I decided we'd take our first camping trip with the boys late this spring. Since we have two young children we thought renting a cabin within a camp ground would be best. In an effort to include both of our sets of parents in this fun first, we invited the grandparents and both immediately agreed. We live about 2 hours from our families and were hoping this would be a fun time for everyone to spend with the boys and make some special memories. I've been so excited about it for weeks, thrilled that our boys would have the undivided attention of all their grandparents, playing in the dirt, eating their first marshmallows, etc. Until tonight.

We had called my in laws to tell them we'd built the trampoline they bought the boys for christmas (a story for another day) and my MIL says to hubs that they're bringing along our 3 year old niece. Not only is said neice the topic of conversation and comparison every time we see or talk to my in laws, but they see her and spend several hours with her multiple times every week. I just do not understand why they have to take this time away from the boys. Not only that, but it adds another toddler schedule to the mix- I'm sure there will be things they can't/don't want to do because of her, and that really frustrates me. I feel like I'm being super bratty about the whole thing, but it's for my kids and I guess if I'm going to be a brat, it might as well be for them.

We're still deciding if it's the right year to do a disney trip, but I told hubs today, if they pull this for that trip they will flat out be uninvited!

Weigh-in.... Am I waaaaaaay over reacting???

holy cow- it's been too long!

Whoops- sometimes I forget to push publish, this has been sitting around for awhile :)

Well, it's over. The educational autism evaluation. It holds zero weight when it comes to a medical diagnosis, but according to our evaluator, our boy shows enough autism tendencies that he qualifies for "services". I use that term incredibly lightly. In our state early intervention is a joke. With his multiple learning delays our only "services" are two 45 minute sessions per month with an early intervention specialist. Now, after the evaluation, we are granted a 30-45 minute session with a autism specailist ONCE per quarter. Which means we will likely see her only one time before he ages out of EI at 3. At that point he'll be transitioned over to early childhood special education (ECSE). It's unfortunate to go through all of this, with very little coming of it. He will be evaluated again just before his third birhday because it's required for the transition, but we don't expect the results will be significantly different.

On a positive note, our insurance does cover some autism related therapies-- but only with a medical diagnosis, which is very likely to be 9-12 months away because the waiting lists for appointments with developmental pediatricians for assessment are miles long. So we're in a season of waiting.... Again.

While it's somewhat upsetting to think about the things he may not do, or may do differently we are really taking it all in stride. He's our boy, no matter what.

So that's the update. Otherwise, things just keep pressing on- we have a few fun things on the calendar for this summer and a possible disney vacation in the works for the fall. We've had a crazy nice late winter/early spring so we've been enjoyed so many super fun weekends with the boys! They are at such a fun age right now!! An update on IVF: we are waiting--  the very soonest would be the end of the year, but I think it's more likely we'll wait until late 2016 or early 2017. I Know three people who've recently transferred ONE embryo and had it split to identicles. Holy crap- one baby I could handle right now- but TWO.... I can't even imagine!

Change of Plans...

The vast majority of this post was written a week ago, it's just taken a long time to finished tapping out the words---

It is crazy how much things can change in just the span of a month. At this time last month we were coming off our consultation with our RE, preparing to get started with our FET this month-- more accurately, this  week.

We had, just two days before our RE appointment, found out that one of our boys was lagging behind his peers (we were aware, just not of  its extent) and that he had qualified for "services" through our county's early intervention services. We were also told at that evaluation that because of his delays  we also had the option of having him assessed for autism. In  the moment, I  said "of course" but really didn't worry about it. I  was feeling fairly certain that wasn't the case. It was just before the holiday break and because early intervention is part of the school district, the evaluation process was pushed off until the new year.

Fast forward a week, when I received a packet from our RE outlining what we were about to embark on along with the deposit bill, and I had some serious second thoughts. Hubs and I talked it through and we decided that maybe it would be best to get our footing, see the evaluations through and see how things went  with our early intervention home visits before committing ourselves to more stress and appointments with testing/transfer/bed rest.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very hard decision. We were ready. So very ready.  And last night when I took the last active pill in my current package of birth control I thought to myself, "this week was supposed to be so different." This week  I should have been preparing myself for testing on Friday- instead, on Friday Hubs will take  the  day off and we will meet with our school district's autism specialist and she will explain to us how the evaluation process will look.

Obviously, we will do whatever we need to for our precious little man. No diagnosis will change how much we love and care for him. But, this week we find ourselves sorting through what-ifs. We are now hyper aware of EVERYTHING he does and doesn't do and in all honesty, it is exhausting. I'm ready to get the evaluation underway and be able to know exactly what his needs are and the best way to address them.

Of course, after Hubs took friday off, our appointment was canceled. We'll try again this evening- the specialist comes tonight to explain the process and answer our questions- she'll be back tomorrow to begin the evaluation. I'm anxious. Ready to get this show on the road, and also anxious about the results. I'm trying HARD to not put the cart before the horse, but it's tricky.

Words

I haven't written about the boys in awhile because I stopped writing monthly/well visit updates. A lot has changed around here-- H is talking up a storm acquiring more words daily, communicating more and more. His language has completely blown up in the last probably two months. He had some words at 2, but only a TINY fraction of the words he has now. A on the other hand is a boy of few words-- literally. At 28 months he has about 20 words that he occasionally uses. Some we hear daily others we hear rarely. Our pediatrician wasn't overly worried, but referred him for an early intervention eval anyway at his 24 month appointment, we finally just had the appointment last week.

He scored low in several areas and easily qualified for services. We'll start by having 45 minute sessions twice a month. I'm unsure what else will come of it, but I hope more communication from my blonde boy! He was incredibly uncompliant at his evaluation. He wanted very little to do with the two evaluators and was mostly concerned with collecting all the of the non-toys throughout the room. Pens, pencils, coins ect-- all of the thing she generally doesn't get at home.

It will be interesting to see how he responds at his appointment this week since we'll be at our own house and there will be less to explore. We're looking forward to learning new ways to draw communication out of our boy and are hopeful he is just a little behind his brother and a significant vocabulary growth spurt is on its way.

Until then, I'd love to hear from you- have you been here? Do you have suggestions? Books? Specific toys or games? Books I should read? Programs we should try? Leave a comment or send me an email-- waitingnwishing at yahoo dot com

And we're off...

We are generally pretty quiet about any and all baby making. We've shared in the past with our families, and it ended up being more stressful for me than supportive. Not to say our families weren't supportive, but the stress just didn't feel worth it. So, with that said I've told one person that we're starting again. She wasn't able to watch the boys yesterday for our discussion meeting, so we had to have hubs parents come. We called it a Christmas shopping date, and we were set. Our appointment was scheduled for 4pm. Then, of course, my phone rang yesterday morning and we were told our Dr would have to leave early and our appointment could either be canceled or moved to a phone discussion at noon. Wanting to get the ball rolling, we took the phone appointment and hoped we could keep the boys quiet enough (Fro.zen and a pile of snacks!) and hopeful hubs parents didn't show up right in the middle of our call. 

Sure enough, not two minutes into our call someone is knocking on our door- luckily I was set up in our bedroom on the call and Hubs hadn't showered yet for our "shopping date" so we were able to dis guise his need to leave the room as needing to hop in the shower and he told his parent I was finishing getting ready and on the phone. 

The call went great- our doctor, who we've always loved, was excited we were coming back and through our conversation was thrilled to hear how uneventful my twin pregnancy was and how long I was able to carry the boys. We've made a tentitive plan--

Continue on birth control.

Call with January period- start uterine testing (mock transfer and sonohystogeam)

Continue on birth control, call with February period - ultrasound & blood work and begin injectables.

Late February/early March transfer. 

I'll get more details next week when I talk to my nurse, but we are thrilled that everything sounds like it's on track! So thrilled in fact, we went out and finally pulled the trigger and bought a mini van last night. So much extra room!!!!

Three years.

Three years.

That's how long it's been (almost) since the boys were conceived. Sunday will mark 3 years since retrieval, Thursday will be three years since transfer and Friday will be the anniversary of the freezing of the remaining embryo from our second cycle- the boys' triplet as my OB calls it. Friday will also mark the beginning of the next chapter of this story- in one week we start again. It's just a consult with our doctor. The info gathering appointment- finding out what the plan will be, what is ahead of us and potentially getting a timeline for treatment. We're hoping to start marking things off the pre-treatment list slowly in the next several weeks. I'm anticipating a March transfer, but we're really not in a huge rush- my priority is making this process as low stress as possible!

The timing was in no way planned. Of course I knew these dates were approaching, but when I took the appointment, it was just the one that worked best for Hubs and I. We figured if we needed a sitter, we might as well have a date night too! I LOVE the idea of these dates all matching up. Somehow it makes it all feel even more right.

It's exciting that another sweet baby may be joining our family soon. The fear of 'what if' hasn't really set in yet- I'm hoping I can just hold on to hope! 

Back in the saddle...

I suck at blogging these days. Seriously. Everyday at naptime I think of the list of things I should/could be doing instead of laying on the couch watching some useless tv. But, everyday I determine that sitting or laying doing nothing is really what I need! Life is wonderful and busy and full of teaching two little boys lessons. So, for a couple of hours (if I'm lucky) each afternoon I just sit and check out-- fill up my tank, because so much of motherhood is about giving. Which, is not a complaint, just a reality!

I had my yearly OB appointment last week.  We talked about the prospect of another baby. About my health, about my family, about how another baby could impact all of it. Because this doctor, he really is the best of the best. He's been practicing medicine since I was  four years old.  He's seen  a lot and he knows a lot. His knowledge  of women and families and babies goes far beyond obstetrics .  He checked me over and said everything looked and felt good, shook my hand, crossed his fingers and said he hoped he'd see me before next November. Because y'all, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Our RE consult is scheduled for a few weeks from now-- holy crap, this is getting really real. We're pretty sure we won't jump in for a couple more months, but holy cow. I'm excited, and anxious (mostly about the logistics of a clinic who doesn't allow children) and beyond thrilled that my OB didn't say something like " you can't get pregnant again, your uterus will explode" because that's the dream I had the night before my appointment.

So, an FET is on the horizon. Making the call to my RE's office was weird. Surreal kind of.  So much different than before, but so the same.  I had all the same butterflies in my stomach, but so much less fear.  Exciting days ahead!!

If you know me in real life, or follow me elsewhere please keep this quiet-- we haven't yet decided if we'll share this with our families.